


Dreams and Nightmares

by MyrsineMezzo



Series: A Kind of Paradise [2]
Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, dom undertones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23262571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrsineMezzo/pseuds/MyrsineMezzo
Summary: Sequel to A Kind of Paradise where our friends deal with the fallout from that fic. Wasn't ready to let that timeline go, so here we are.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Series: A Kind of Paradise [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758988
Comments: 60
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Kind of Paradise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288716) by [MyrsineMezzo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrsineMezzo/pseuds/MyrsineMezzo). 



> Author's Note: Based on the wonderful Leigh Bardugo's characters. Ok, all. This fic may be straight up bonkers, and I will be the first to admit that...although after having read King of Scars, it might not be that out of left field... You will definitely want to read A Kind of Paradise since this is the sequel, otherwise none of this will make sense. Really really. I couldn't help myself and wanted to figure out what would have happened to everyone after the events of that fic and everything the ending would have set in motion. Anyways. Onwards!

“Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?” -John Lennon

Alina Starkov: the Sun Summoner, the Savior of the Grisha, the Queen and creator of Zelenyyi Mir, had a smile fixed on her face and a heart weighted by worries as heavy as lead.

Looking out an open palace window, her mind struggled to take in the paradox of the vista that lay before her. It was the dead of winter--a winter that was stretching on as if it would never end. And yet the land that had once been the Fold was still lush and verdant just as it had been the day she'd reached inside herself and used _merzost_ to transform the darkness and death of the Shadow Fold into light and life. The side of the palace where she stood faced a vision of perfection, the air balmy as a summer's day. It was only when one looked out the windows towards Os Kervo or if one stood on the other side of the stretch of land known as the Green Sea with its buzzing bees and trees heavy with fruit that the wrongness of everything stood out like a glorious and terrifying slash in the center of a painting that had once been whole.

As usual, Baghra was at hand, pointing out that very wrongness. "It should be dark. And cold. Yet here it is, still the same as the day you created this monstrosity. You think what is out there is perfectly normal winter weather, do you? Use your brains, girl. This could turn out to be as great a nightmare as the Fold ever was."

"It could. That doesn't mean it _will_ turn out that way, though." Alina protested. At the older woman's scornful look, she amended her words. "Aleksander and I agree that it's strange, yes, but everything is just fine. It has been for months."

Baghra stamped her foot in frustration. "Fine for now, perhaps," she snapped. "But not forever. You will see, and so will my son. Your arrogance in thinking that you could create a paradise on earth at no cost--"

"There was plenty of cost," Alina cut her off, not wanting to hear any more of the older woman's warnings and criticism. She had heard it all before and was weary from worry and lack of sleep. It wasn't that she was taking the matter of the Sea and the weather lightly. Far from it. The situation so concerned her that she had avoided using her power for months for fear she would unwittingly twist it into _merzost_ and make everything worse. Now, she felt the lack of her light as if someone had cut a vital organ from her body. 

As if interjecting itself into the conversation, a bird of a species Alina recognized all too well fluttered down to perch on the windowsill. It was one of the many summer-land creatures that now populated the Sea. All of those creations had once been the winged and taloned monstrosities known as the volcra before she'd transformed them into birds and deer and other animals to populate the Sea in a moment of power-drunk whimsy. As a bird, the animal cocked its small head and chirped at her before hopping along the length of the sill until it stood next to her hand resting on the wooden ledge.

Alina frowned. The bird's black eyes were a little too beady and bright, its claws a little too sharp. "Go on!" she murmured, trying to shoo it away with her arm. The creature reluctantly took wing with one final chirp. If she didn't know any better, Alina would have said it gave her a knowing look. 

That must have been her imagination, though. Birds were just...birds. 

Baghra was quiet for a long moment before pointing her stick at the creature as it flapped away. "They say the unquiet spirits of the dead come back as birds. I shudder to think what horrors those little winged terrors could turn out to be." 

"It's a bird, Baghra," Alina said, exasperation edging her voice. "It's not some harbinger of doom." She scowled. "Would you rather they were still volcra? It's almost like you can't stand something going right for once."

Baghra's throat scraped out a mocking laugh. "You think this is 'right?' I told you not to meddle, and meddle you did. Until you figure out that there is nothing right about any of this, I have nothing more to say to either you or my son." She pointed her stick in warning at Alina, then marched out of the room in the direction of her quarters, no doubt going back to her fire that burned despite the glowing heat of the day. The thought reminded Alina that the glowing heat and bustling summer life of her creation was now sprawled squarely in the middle of the winter the rest of the world was experiencing. 

Alina sighed. The Sea was definitely a paradox. Her power had made it so, and until she understood what that meant a little better, she would continue to cut herself off from the light she longed to let flow from her hands and the rest of her body. She just couldn't risk that _merzost_ would accompany it. She refused to take that risk, and she would suffer from her avoidance of summoning as long as she could stand to. 

Turning to look back out the window, she spied a tree spilling over with fruit, looking to be the picture of health. But a flock of the strange birds sat in its branches, and Alina had the odd feeling that they were all staring at her with those shiny button eyes. If they could, would they still tear her to pieces as the volcra once would have?

She shivered at the thought and turned away from the window. There was no time to sit around spooking herself. Yes, it was strange that the new world she had fought for was literally a new world, but that didn't necessarily mean anything sinister was happening, despite what Baghra thought. Everyone had gotten used to the harsh reality of the Fold. They would get used to the beauty of the Green Sea now that it had taken its place.

Besides, she couldn't spend all day staring out the window at its eerie perfection. She had work to do. A lot of work, in fact. It was only two days before the grand celebration in honor of her people's victory at the Battle of Kribirsk three months earlier. Delegates from the other nations would be visiting and some had already inundated the palace. They would soon be taking up every square foot of the guest rooms and servant's quarters to the point that the rest of the capital city of Liniya had prepared itself to be filled to the brim. Economically, it was a boon to their growing economy. The fact that so many wanted to see the wonder of the Green Sea and to be seen rubbing elbows with the new monarchs of Zelenyyi Mir would help fill their coffers.

That didn't necessarily mean those visitors wanted to see them succeed, though.

There was a certain amount of tension between the new kingdom and the established nations on the continent and beyond. It was understandable since Alina and Aleksander had taken a great deal of land from Ravka, Fjerda, and the Shu Empire with their peace treaty. Not to mention they'd taken a portion of the citizenry of those nations since so many wanted to relocate to the new haven for Grisha and their families. There were immigrants from as far away as Novyi Zem and Kerch, and they all were relying on their new queen and king to keep them safe.

The sound of a gently-cleared throat startled Alina out of her thoughts. Looking up, she saw Genya Safin, her friend and political advisor standing in the doorway.

"It's almost time to go to the Hall," Genya said.

Alina nodded, feeling her stomach twist as it always did at the thought of sitting on her throne and handing out decrees. She liked the listening part. It was the all-powerful-decision-making part that didn't sit as well with her. Aleksander was much better at that since he'd had centuries of leadership under his belt. Alina was still a novice at power, and it weighed on her. If only she could talk to him about that feeling and the other worries bogging her down, but she had sensed a growing distance between them ever since the aftermath of the Battle and the peace treaty with the once-powerful Alliance. Now, she and Aleksander scarcely saw each other since they were so busy. And even when they did see each other, he had never been much of a conversationalist.

"How are you feeling?" Genya asked, eyeing her.

Alina tried to brush off her nerves and her sadness while plastering on another smile that she knew didn't reach her eyes. "Everything is great."

"Is it?" Genya said skeptically. "Are you still having trouble sleeping?"

Alina let the smile slide off her face. "I can't seem to shake these nightmares. It must be the stress of everything being so new." Along with absolutely everything else going wrong in her world.

Genya rolled her eyes. "And I'm sure the stress has nothing to do with you keeping a secret from your paramour. You were due weeks ago. Still late?"

Alina shushed her, speaking under her breath, "Yes. And I'm going to tell him. Soon. It's just not a good time right now. Everything will settle down once the celebration is over and everything goes back to normal. Whatever 'normal' is."

"It's true." Genya clucked with sympathy. "We haven't been able to catch a breather since before the Battle. Do you want me to freshen you up before you head in to hear the petitioners?"

Alina sighed. "Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Just here?" she asked, gesturing to the dark circles under her eyes. She felt so tired, and it was beginning to show. Her refusal to use her light was affecting her as it once had when she had shoved the power down as a child. Soon there would be more physical problems than weariness and dark circles, and Alina was dreading it. But she dreaded the idea of giving in to her greed for the limitless power of _merzost_ even more. Saints, things were a mess in every direction she looked.

Genya nodded and stepped close. Raising her hands to Alina's face, she smoothed her thumbs over the tender skin that had begun to resemble bruises. Alina felt the warmth that accompanied the use of Genya's Tailoring talents settle into her eye sockets. 

Her friend stepped back a moment later. "You're sure I can't do anything else for you?"

"Just walk with me to the Hall?" Alina held out her arm and Genya placed her arm in the crook.

"Everything will be fine, Alina. You're doing a great job, you know. Everybody thinks so," Genya reassured her.

Alina sighed. "It doesn't feel like it's fine. It's even harder ruling a country than I thought it would be. So many people need so many things."

"Well, as long as you take some time for yourself."

"Easier said than done," Alina said.

Genya harrumphed.

"You sound like Baghra when you do that."

"Don't you dare compare me to that woman," her friend shuddered. "I passed her in the hallway. She didn't look happy. Not that she ever looks happy. Same old story?"

"Definitely the same," Alina said with a grim smile. "It's always, 'You created an abomination, girl.' Or 'Are you as stupid as you look? This is all going to end in disaster.'" She paused. "What do you think about the Green Sea, Genya?"

Genya thought for a moment before responding, "I think we put up with something truly terrible for a very long time with the Fold. Maybe we're due for some good things for a change."

"That's what I'm hoping," Alina nodded. "Well," she said ruefully as they drew near the Hall, "there's no use putting off the job of...well...ruling, I guess."

Genya nodded. "I'm afraid you're stuck with it." Her friend took the lead and pulled the reluctant Alina down the hallway to the place where it felt like all the palace hallways and doors led.

A footman dressed in black and gold opened the door before them, and the sight of the Hall struck her as it always did. It was a vision of stark opposites. The white and black marble floor gleamed, and white stone columns rose upwards to a vaulted ceiling of black slate tiles inlaid with mother-of-pearl stars as if it were a small galaxy. Beautiful carvings of animals, plants, and Alina and Aleksander's signature starburst-eclipse sigil decorated the columns. The walls were covered in tapestries of Aleksander's favored blacks and the golds that represented Alina now. It was amazing what a phalanx of Fabrikators could create within a short time, and although it felt a little ostentatious to her, Aleksander assured her it was necessary. 

"A throne room is supposed to inspire awe," he had reminded her. "And we provide a united front together through such symbols."

She had to agree if only because she felt more queenly when she sat on one of the the onyx and gold thrones perched on a rounded dais that stretched in front of the wall along the far side of the Hall. Galleries for courtiers, advisors, and generals took up the area to the sides of the thrones while the various petitioners waited to plead their case in the foremost area. Huge double doors of dark wood took up the opposite side of the room, allowing entry to those who didn't live in the palace.

The throne sitting next to her own was already inhabited by the familiar form of the man she loved who sat speaking with a few of their generals. He may have been the king or the Darkling to others, but he would always be Aleksander Morozova to her. Alina stopped in place and took in a sight that she never grew tired of: Aleksander leading the Grisha and protecting them in their own land as he had struggled to do for centuries.

Well, protecting the Grisha and also protecting the _ravnovesiye_ , or those non-Grisha citizens that allied themselves with Aleksander and Alina. The fact that the name, which meant "the balanced" had sprung up unbidden amongst both those with powers and those without powers in place of the less-than-kind title of _otkazat'sya_ made her more happy than she could say.

As always, she was struck by the man's unearthly beauty. Clothed in his usual black _kefta_ , his long-fingered hands gestured at a point on one of the reports a general presented to him. The only thing that marred his perfection was the small line of a scar on his cheek from when he'd been captured trying to rescue Alina from Nikolai Lantsov's army towards the end of the war.

He looked up at her as if he could sense her gaze, and the smallest of smiles lifted one corner of his mouth at the sight of her. The expression thrilled Alina to her bones. Surely they could figure things out. The growing distance didn't have to be there. There was just a lot of work to be done. It would all be fine once the celebrations were over, she thought as she let out a breath.

"Off you go, your majesty," Genya murmured, releasing Alina's arm.

Alina winced inwardly. It still felt so strange to hear those words. Your majesty. But this was her job now, and she was determined to be good at it for her people's sake if not for her own. She did her best to glide confidently to her throne as she felt the eyes of the room rest upon her.

Lowering herself to sit on the plush, golden cushion that was a godsend for long petitioning sessions, she looked out to see who had come that day. It was a smaller crowd than she was used to. She and Aleksander had spent long hours in recent days tying up loose ends and hearing their subjects' needs in preparation of the delegates and other guests taking up the rest of their time.

It had been a hard slog the past several weeks as the winter storms stretched on without breaking in the other nations and the consequences trickled down into their own kingdom. According to their intelligence, food supplies were running low in Ravka, Fjerda, and the Shu Empire. In some ways it had been a boon since there was less time for the former Alliance members to consider banding together against Alina and Aleksander after the Treaty of Kribirsk. On the other hand, more and more people were turning up looking for food and work and shelter every day. Alina was happy to see them find those things here in her own land, but it was starting to put pressure on their food stores. Luckily, the Green Sea provided a wealth of resources, which was part of why Alina tried to turn a blind eye to its strangeness.

"Is everything alright?"

She was startled out of her prolonged musings as she met Aleksander's cool quartz gaze. The golden band around his pupil glowed as it caught the sunlight streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows along the walls of the Hall. That gold band was always a stark reminder of what she had almost lost and what she had sacrificed in order to bring him back from death and beyond. She had been willing to do anything to keep him with her, up to and including sacrificing Mal's life and defying the laws of nature as she did it.

What if it was that which made him shy away, Alina thought. Maybe it was her fault they weren't connecting. Maybe it was something she had done or was actively doing. She tried to clamp down on the familiar ragged thoughts that threatened to spin her away into despair.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that today?" she grumbled.

"Perhaps because you look like you did not sleep well again last night. Have you seen a Healer?"

"Not yet," Alina admitted. "But I'll see one as soon as the celebrations are over."

Aleksander nodded. "Please do," he said quietly.

Alina felt a lump rise in her throat. Everything he said was usually filled with a wealth of meaning and hidden feeling, and this was no exception. He so rarely said that word--please, and he must be genuinely worried if he felt the need to ask. But why wouldn't he say whatever else was obviously bothering him to keep him so distant from her? They shared a bed, and although the physical separation between them was nonexistent, the emotional distance was almost more than she could bear.

"I promise," she said, reaching over to take his hand in hers. She squeezed it, and he squeezed hers back before focusing his attention on those waiting before them.

Alina looked out at the petitioners once more. At her nod, a woman stepped forward to inquire about expanding her farmstead, a petition which was granted. Then a man pleaded his case for being accepted as a new citizen arriving from Ketterdam, which was also granted. Alina liked these days where it was easy to say "Yes" to the things people wanted and needed.

After an hour or so, though, she began to flag. Her chin sat resting on her hand, her elbow propped up on the arm of her throne. She was so tired that she worried she would fall asleep in front of everyone. The expression on the faces of the trio stepping up to be heard next jolted her out of her haze. The older couple who made up part of the trio looked scared, something that made her curious and concerned. A girl who appeared to be only a few years younger than Alina and who she assumed was their daughter had a troubled look on her face that was arresting.

Aleksander had already inclined his head to indicate they should begin their petition. The man began to speak, his voice unsteady.

"My king, my queen. My name is Vladimir Petrovich. This is my wife Irina and my daughter Vasya. We come from Kribirsk."

"And what troubles you, Vladimir Petrovich?" Aleksander asked when the man appeared to become tongue-tied, something that happened regularly when people addressed the Darkling.

The man swallowed. "Something strange has happened--among other strange things--and we were advised to bring it to the court." He hesitated. "I am...I was...an Inferni."

Aleksander's eyebrows rose at his words and Alina's eyes widened. There was no "was" when it came to the Grisha. One either was Grisha or one was not once the power manifested in youth.

"I do not understand," Aleksander frowned. "You _were_ an Inferni?"

"I know how it must sound," Petrovich said, obviously flustered. "But I woke up one morning, and my daughter Vasya manifested her power as a Corporalki overnight. And my power was just...gone."

That was beyond strange. Vasya seemed far too old to suddenly exhibit Grisha talent. Alina had been only a little older when she finally stopped suppressing her power, but that was an extreme case, and she had always had that power since she was a child. She leaned forward now, feeling a sense of foreboding overtake her.

"You said 'other strange things.' What other things?" she demanded.

"My Queen," he continued with a bow in her direction, "there are more peculiar things than we can count taking place in Kribirsk and the land around it. I am not the only one whose power abandoned them and then reappeared in someone who never showed a hint of being Grisha before. You will think I am a liar, but I swear to you, it's happening."

"He's telling the truth, my queen," Vasya Petrovna spoke up. "Strange things are happening almost every day. Young women have begun to appear out of the Green Sea at night. One of our men followed them into the darkness, and he never came back. Parents swear they saw their dead child walking in the fields during the full moon, but he was gone when they ran outside. We still hear the sounds of the Battle and the cries of the dying carried on the wind. Something is...not right."

Alina thought of the ominous birds watching her from the tree outside the window, and she shivered once more. Courtiers were muttering to each other. Some laughed behind their hands at the things the girl and her father were saying.

Aleksander stirred next to her, but before he could say anything, Alina blurted out, "Thank you for telling us. We will investigate everything you have said. Please stay and rest here at the palace for as long as you like."

Aleksander shot her a glance, but he didn't gainsay her edicts. The Petrovich family nodded and left the Hall under the direction of one of the servants. A hush fell after they left.

"That seems to be the last of the petitioners," Aleksander said to Alina before standing. He reached a hand out to her and she took it, rising to her feet beside him. The strength and stability he provided should have steadied her, but instead it started the dull thrum of a thought she could never seem to stifle when he was nearby: You are not enough for him.

The audience of courtiers and petitioners bowed their heads and dropped their curtsies as murmurs of " _Sol Koroleva_ " and " _Korol Teney_ ," Sun Queen and Shadow King, filled the air. Alina did her best to smile at her people for their words and the gestures of respect, but she was entirely too preoccupied to make it genuine. She walked side by side next to Aleksander out a door that sat behind the dais and then down a hallway that led toward his study. They had a habit of briefly going over the day's events and rulings after their hearings--preferably over a cup of tea in her case and a glass of _kvass_ in his.

Late-afternoon sunlight streamed in through one of the study's open windows, and Alina noticed one of the Saints-forsaken birds sitting on the sill watching them. She quickly walked to the window and closed it, setting the bird to flight. The last thing I need is for one of those things to listen in, she thought to herself before dismissing it as one more indication that she desperately needed to go to bed as soon as possible. Birds were birds. She sat down wearily on the red velvet window seat that was far too inviting to pass up.

"That was...interesting," Aleksander said as he poured his _kvass_ and sat down next to her. He held the glass in one hand and wove his fingers through Alina's hair with the other, drawing her towards him for a slow kiss. She closed her eyes at the pleasure of his touch and the feel of his mouth. This was something she would never get used to--how good it felt to be with him. At least, she hoped she never got used to it. She didn't want to take a moment for granted after having him ripped away from her in death and then returned to her via the power of _merzost_. It just felt like something was missing, though. Although they were still intimate physically, there was more that she wanted but that he didn't seem to be willing to give.

She pulled away before their kisses could escalate, regretting the loss of his mouth on hers, but needing to discuss what they'd heard. "That was beyond 'interesting.' Baghra is worried--"

"My mother is always worried."

"--and _I'm_ worried about the Green Sea and everything else that I did three months ago. You can't deny that the winter is the worst anyone's ever seen outside of our lands. It should be well into spring already, for Saints' sake. What if getting everything I wanted by destroying the Fold and bringing you back leads to something terrible? You...the Green Sea...it's all too good to be true."

Aleksander was quiet for a moment, and he seemed to be weighing his words. "I will admit that _merzost_ is unpredictable, but until I see some evidence that what you did had real, tangible consequences, then I will continue to assume everything is fine. In all likelihood, you put the Fold back into balance by returning light to it." His voice was dry as he said, "And I much prefer being alive to being dead."

Alina groaned. "But I didn't just return life to it. I specifically remember demanding _merzost_ give me more than that. Your mother is right. I wanted a paradise on earth, and I got it. I wanted you back no matter what the cost, and I got it. It's not right! And those people we just saw are proof that something's gone wrong. You heard what they said."

"Oh, I heard," he drawled, and Alina could easily detect the sarcasm in his words.

"You don't believe them," she said.

"Of course I do not believe them. Their stories were straight out of a Ravkan fairy tale. The dead walking under the full moon and maidens luring young men into the night? They may as well have included a story of a too-clever fox and been done with it."

"What motivation could they possibly have to lie?" Alina demanded.

Aleksander spread his hands. "Perhaps they wish to spin some tale that leads to fame and fortune. It would not be the first time. Just look at how many charlatans trade on the myth of your Saints and make their living selling chicken bones and baby teeth. People want to believe the strange and improbable. Then the scavengers come in to relieve them of their money."

Alina shook her head, frowning. "The Petrovich family aren't frauds. I can tell. They really were scared of something."

"You do not know who these people are, Alina."

"They're _our_ people. I trust them. Besides, I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen." 

Aleksander raised a brow and looked unconvinced. A moment later, he got up to refill his glass of _kvass_. "We should talk about the arrival of our guests. Nikolai Lantsov will be here tomorrow. You should decide how you want to approach whatever he wishes to be done with Genya Safin. He likely blames her for the death of his father. He said as much through his emissary's last letter."

Alina was not impressed by the obvious change in subject, but she quickly pointed out, "The king's death was your fault as much as it was Genya's. Nikolai might be king of Ravka now, but he's not going to harm a hair on her head--not if I have anything to say about it. Besides, Nikolai knew our support for him taking the throne over Vasily meant he'd overlook our role in helping him get that throne a little ahead of schedule."

Aleksander finished pouring his drink. When he returned to her side, he turned his head to look out the window at the Green Sea. "Perhaps it is good timing, then, that the winter has been so harsh." 

"The worst winter anyone has ever seen in years. Maybe ever," Alina pointed out with a dour and significant look.

Aleksander ignored the interruption. "He will need supplies to see his people through the coming months as long as this weather lasts. It is a good thing for us. It is certainly good for trade, and that will only strengthen the ties between our nations. In fact," he said as he looked down at his drink, swirling it slightly, "it might not be a bad idea to consider striking while they are weak. We could annex more land from Ravka or take his throne outright."

Alina stared at him with her mouth agape. "Absolutely not," she sputtered. "We agreed to try things my way. A new land for a new people. No more fighting!"

He shifted away from her. "Very well. But think on it. We could have our home back, Alina. It would be easy."

" _This_ is our home now," she said firmly.

He nodded, although his expression was grim. "This kingdom is your experiment. I am willing to see it through. But do not forget our agreement. If it fails, then we return to my plan to take the entire continent."

"Will you never be satisfied?" she asked, and it was difficult to keep the harshness out of her voice.

Aleksander met her gaze, and his eyes were hard. "Never. Not until the Grisha are no longer hunted and can live as they wish wherever they wish."

"Things are better," Alina protested.

"Better, but not perfect. Grisha still go missing, and not from sprites and hobgoblins as your petitioners would have us believe, but from Drüskelle and Shu Han mercenaries."

"The Drüskelle are no longer being trained as part of the treaty terms, and the Shu Han shut down their labs," Alina protested weakly.

Aleksander gave a short, sharp laugh. "Not likely. Those Drüskelle who lived after the Battle have gone into hiding, and the labs have merely moved underground. Leopards do not change their spots," he said, his voice dark with anger.

Alina sighed. "We'll fix it. And yes, if things return to how they were, then we'll go back to war. I remember my promise."

Nodding, Aleksander drank the last of his _kvass_ and stood. "I must read through reports for the next few hours."

"I have to see to more details about the delegates with Genya. I'll see you later at dinner." She paused. "I love you."

He nodded again, giving her a small, reserved smile and lifting a paper from a side table to begin scanning the top lines. Alina's heart sank despite her best efforts as she rose from the window seat and made her way to the door. She refused to hide her affection for him just because he never said it back, and someday he would return the words. She knew in her heart that he felt something for her beyond physical attraction. It would just take time, and they had all the time in the world. She hoped so, at least. But it hurt to think that she cared for him more than he cared for her, and the growing wall of unspoken words between them added another brick to its edifice.

As she walked down the hall to her own work rooms nearby, she couldn't help but wish things were easier. Ruling, loving, her anxiety over her monthly courses being late. All of these things and more consumed her waking days. And one of those things included the nagging itch to see what else she could do with the power of _merzost_. One would think using it would be the last thing on her mind since she worried so much about the consequences of handling that vast, limitless power. However, her desire to do good in the world inevitably led to the curiosity of what more she could do if she gave in to that power once more. She had a feeling that such wonderings were something she would feel for the rest of her life, and she shoved the seductive thoughts down once more just as she shoved down her feelings and shoved down her light.

Surely with all that practice of shoving things down, it would get easier in time. 

In the meanwhile, she had promised to check in with a Healer, and it was past time to deal with both her sleeplessness and her suspicious lack of bleeding. Alina didn't like thinking about either issue, but she needed to take responsibility for herself and her body and mind. She was the queen for Saints' sake. With a heavy heart, she opened the door to her chambers. 

It was time. Time to face her fears and to face whatever came next with a courageous heart. She didn't have to like it, but she intended to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy that so many of you wanted to continue reading this story! I appreciate every kudos and every comment, so thank you all :)

Alina walked through her bedchamber door several hours later, and flopped backwards onto her large bed that took up much of the space. The rich black silk coverlet twisted underneath her when she rolled restlessly to her side to face the door. She had ended up working for a short time in her office with Genya, but between her tiredness and anxiety, she couldn't seem to focus on anything for more than five minutes. Genya had finally called a halt to their efforts when she'd asked Alina the same question about a housing initiative three times in a row without receiving a coherent response. Alina hoped that going to the one place where she could be herself instead of being the queen would help.

The color scheme was reminiscent of the Hall, with silver and black damask wallpaper. This space was a little bit cozier, though. A black lacquer dressing table with a set of gold-backed brushes on it--a gift from Genya for Alina's coronation day--sat along one wall, and a bookcase stuffed full of Aleksander's books sat on the opposite wall along with a dark wooden desk and chair. A plush black rug with a traditional Ravkan pattern picked out in white and gold lay along the floor in front of the bed, brightening the room. A wardrobe for their kefta and a dressing screen completed the furnishings. The room had a stark beauty to it that suited Aleksander, and she had never been used to having many possessions, so it suited her as well. 

If Alina was being honest with herself, though, their bed chamber just didn't feel lived-in yet. It felt fairly impersonal and wasn’t suited toward relaxation, but she just wasn't a knick-knack person and she wasn’t sure how else to inject a little comfort into the space. Growing up with little of her own at Keramzin and even less in the First Army made her desire few possessions. 

There was one aspect of the room she did love, though, and that was the ceiling of all things. Alina had insisted on the mother-of-pearl star pattern from Aleksander's quarters in the Little Palace. She had wanted him to feel as at home as possible here with her. He had given her a small smile when he'd seen it, and she knew he appreciated the gesture. 

Genya now hovered in the doorway. "Are you sure you don't want me to leave you alone to get some rest?" she asked. Even as Alina's advisor, the Tailor didn't often come into the room, but Alina needed her friend's presence as she waited for the Healer to arrive.

Alina propped her head up on one elbow and sighed. "No. Please don't go. Even if I did get to sleep, I'd just wake up again from a nightmare after a few hours. Besides, I'd like someone here with me while I get checked out. Is everything set for the entertainments at the ball?"

Genya nodded, taking the subject change in stride as she took a seat at the dressing table, turning the chair so that she faced Alina. It had been Genya's idea to showcase the eerie beauty and warmth of the Green Sea by having an outdoor banquet for their guests in the palace gardens. Carpenters had been laying down a large dance floor, and a troupe of actors from Os Kervo and various musicians and performers from across Zelenyyi Mir would all be showcasing their talents. Alongside the dancing and feasting, everything would be capped off with a fireworks display as if it were a particularly ostentatious summer festival that just happened to be taking place while the dead of winter covered the rest of the world in snow and ice.

"Hopefully there won't be too much political finagling during the festivities," Genya said with a smile. "It will be easier to keep the delegates from plotting with and against each other if they're too busy drinking and paying attention to the performances."

"Who did you hire to perform?"

"Oh, all kinds of people. There's everything from Kerch Komedie Brute players to a group of Fjerdan girls who sing like the Saints themselves taught them, to Suli dancers and fortune tellers."

"That sounds amazing, Genya."

"I know," she preened, buffing her fingernails on her kefta sleeve, making Alina laugh.

"It was fairly easy to find them," Genya admitted. "So many of the performers are immigrants who arrived within the last few months. They're all eager to establish themselves in their new home and to find patrons. Preferably you and the king, of course."

Alina smiled in return. "That's part of being queen that I won't mind. I scarcely ever got to see performers while I was at Keramzin, and there wasn't really the opportunity to see any kind of art when I was in the First Army, either."

"Well, be prepared to be dazzled."

Alina laughed. "Thank you, Genya. You make everything so much easier around here. I hope you get to enjoy yourself at the ball just as much as everyone else does."

Genya looked down at her fingers that had now started to twist nervously at Alina’s words. "I'm not sure how much I'll be able to be around to enjoy it, to be honest."

"Why not?" Alina asked, surprised. "You put so much work into it!"

"Because Nikolai Lantsov wants to put my head on a spike, and I don't particularly want to flaunt my freedom and happiness with him around."

Alina got up from the bed and crossed the cool, marble floor to go to her friend. "Genya. You had a hand in making his father ill, it's true..."

"I had a hand in killing him, you mean," Genya said, and there was an unrepentant gleam in her eyes as she said it.

"Yes. That’s what I meant," Alina said slowly. "But he knows that he has to let it go. I'll never let anything happen to you. You did what you had to for yourself and for the Grisha. Neither the Darkling nor myself will ever forget it."

Genya nodded, although she still looked concerned.

Alina tried to draw her out once more. "What are you wearing to the ball?"

The Tailor closed her eyes and smiled. "Ah, the ball. Just you wait and see, my dear Sun Summoner," she said, with a flash of her usual charm. "David's eyes are going to fall right out of his head when he sees me in my dress."

"I'm sure they will," Alina laughed once more. "I'm so glad everything worked out between you two."

"So far, so good. Nothing like a little war and possible death and destruction to spark some romance, I guess. It was about time. Pining wasn't good for my complexion."

Alina thought about how that same war had brought her and Aleksander together. At that point, it had seemed as if they were moving in a straight line from attraction to love to potentially being a family together. Now, nothing felt so sure. She looked down at her own hands that were worrying a spot on the bedspread. "Genya...has he told you he loves you yet?"

"Not yet," Genya admitted. "But it will come in time. We've only been together a short while when you think about it. It's a big thing to say." She paused and murmured, "Why do you ask?" 

Genya’s tone and expression as she looked at Alina was a knowing one, but Alina couldn't bring herself to talk about her frustrations when it came to Aleksander. He was such a private person. It felt wrong to share secrets related to their relationship, no matter how nice it would have been to get Genya's opinion on things. She needed a friend, but she felt like it would be another sign of her weakness and failure if she turned to someone for advice. It would make the dissatisfaction that she sensed between them more real somehow, so she shoved her worries down once more.

"No reason," she said finally.

"Hm." Genya looked unconvinced. "Well, you know I'm always here to talk if you need me. It could be about anything. Life? Love? You name it. I'm quite the philosopher."

"Thanks," Alina mumbled, still looking down. "I'll keep that in mind."

A knock sounded on the door, and their heads turned toward the sound.

"Come in," Alina called out.

The door swung open to reveal Iliana Vladimirovna, the Healer Alina had requested. Iliana had been tireless in helping to patch up wounded soldiers on the battlefield at the Battle of Kribirsk and had received a commendation from the new king and queen because of it. Alina had sat next to her at the celebratory dinner held in honor of the other Healers. They had shared a moment of elation together when each discovered the other had lived in the same area growing up, Iliana being from the stretch between Caryeva and Keramzin. Their conversation ranged from remembrances of local festivals to ideas of what kind of hospital system could be put into place throughout Zelenyyi Mir. Alina left the dinner that night feeling like she had found a new ally and possibly a new friend. 

That was why she had reached out to Iliana when she finally admitted to herself that she needed to see someone. Between Iliana and Genya, she knew she would be in good hands. Good hands, but also discreet hands, and that was something that was just as necessary now that she was a queen. 

"Thank you for coming, Iliana. This is Genya Safin, my advisor. Genya, this is Iliana, the Healer I was telling you about." Alina gestured to the willowy blonde whose blue eyes were taking in every detail of Alina's face and body.

"What can I do for you, your majesty?" she asked, her voice low and calming. It was the perfect voice to soothe a worried patient, and Alina appreciated Iliana's talents even more now that she was on the receiving end of them.

"I was hoping you could help me with some problems I've been having lately."

The Healer nodded. "What's been troubling you?"

"I can't sleep. And I'm, well...I'm late. With my courses."

Iilana's eyes widened. "I see." Her voice became modulated again. "Well, one thing at a time. Sit down and tell me how long either situation has been happening."

Alina sat on the edge of the bed as instructed. "About three months with the sleep, and one month without bleeding."

"You've been sleep-deprived and worried about a pregnancy for that long without asking for a consultation?" Iliana's hands were now on her hips.

Alina blushed. "I was worried about what you would tell me, especially if it was bad news. So I just...didn't ask." She realized now how ridiculous that sounded.

Iliana snorted delicately. "You would not believe how many of my patients think they're wasting my time or that they're imagining what's wrong with them. Give yourself some credit. You know your body far better than anyone else does. Hopefully we'll be able to put your mind to rest."

Alina couldn't miss the significant look Genya shot her. It was almost exactly what her friend had been telling her the Healer would say. Alina grimaced. "Okay. What should I do now?"

"Tell me about the sleeping first. Or the lack of sleep, as the case may be. Is the room not dark enough when you try?

"No, it's perfectly dark when it's supposed to be."

"Have you been eating or drinking anything beforehand?" 

"No, just dinner and maybe a glass of tea to unwind."

"Hm. Consider cutting out anything besides herbal varieties. Are things too, er...noisy or cramped?"

Alina tried not to laugh as she realized the woman was trying to ask her if Aleksander snored and hogged the bed. She grinned. "All of those things are fine. I just close my eyes and when I manage to drift off, I have horrible nightmares." Her smile faded away at the thought of what the nightmares always entailed.

Iliana continued, "Well, that rules out the environment. Both the nightmares and your lateness could be stress-related, of course. I can imagine you are under a great deal of pressure, but let's turn to the possibility of pregnancy. It's not unheard of for women who are pregnant to have very vivid dreams, and often those dreams manifest as nightmares."

Alina felt a thrill of equal parts excitement and nervousness and terror spear through her at the thought that she might be pregnant.

As if she could read Alina's mind, Iliana held up a hand. "Of course, don’t forget you could also be late because of the stress. It could all be one giant response to the upheaval in your life. Time will tell. But for now, let me see if I can detect a heartbeat. It is likely too soon, but it can't hurt to check. Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

Alina shook her head. After a moment, Iliana sat on the bed next to her. 

The Healer reached her hand out. "May I?" she asked, and when Alina nodded, Iliana rested her hand gently across her patient's stomach. Her brow furrowed in concentration, and Alina felt a gentle warmth spread throughout her center that was similar to the heat she felt when Genya performing her Tailoring abilities on her. 

Alina felt nervousness grip her again. What if she was pregnant? What would Aleksander think? Was he ready for a child? Was she ready for one? Did she want a child with him so soon? Or ever? What if she was a terrible mother? Before she could go too far down the rabbit hole of questions and worries, Iliana was pulling her hand away, and the warmth receded.

The Healer shook her head. "Too soon to tell. But I didn't sense anything wrong, either. I wish I could tell you one way or another whether it is stress or if you're actually pregnant, but we'll know within the next few weeks if that's any consolation."

Alina felt a corresponding dip of disappointment at Iliana's words. "Thank you for checking, anyway," she said, trying to keep the unhappiness out of her voice.

"For now, I'm going to prescribe a sleeping draught that wouldn't harm a child just in case you are carrying one. Let's schedule a follow-up for a week from now, then the week after that if nothing resolves itself, alright?"

Alina nodded. She exchanged a glance with Genya. The Tailor had been quiet the entire time, but her presence was infinitely reassuring. Now her friend gave her a smile as if to say she was proud of Alina for having faced her fears. Alina smiled back. It did feel good to know her worries were being taken seriously.

"I'll have that sleeping draught brought straightaway. Please let me know if anything else comes up, otherwise I will see you soon." Iliana bowed. 

Alina inclined her head. "Thank you, Iliana. I appreciate you coming to see me." 

The Healer gave her a small smile and left the room, closing the door behind her. Genya stood and crossed the room to stand in front of Alina, taking Alina's hands in her own.

"Don't you feel better now that you've seen someone?"

Alina rolled her eyes. "You know I do. You were right, Genya."

"It's a talent," Genya said airily. "I should go meet David for dinner, but promise me you'll take that drink she's sending along."

"I promise. I'll let you know tomorrow if it worked or not."

"Please do." Genya gave Alina’s hands a squeeze before letting them go.

"Say hello to David for me."

"I will," Genya said as she opened the door to leave. "He's supposed to practice talking about something other than his inventions over dinner this week to get ready for mingling at the ball. If he manages it, he will be very well rewarded." She gave Alina a wink. "I've never seen him so eager to talk about things that aren't cogs and gears."

Alina laughed. "I wish him all the luck in the world, then."

Genya waved and took her leave. As she did so, Alina looked into the mirror and watched her smile transform back into her usual look of anxious worry. Maybe she could try bribing Aleksander with sex in exchange for conversation as Genya was doing so playfully. Playful wasn't exactly part of Aleksander's repertoire, though. Not anymore, anyway.

That thought occurred to her again as she sat with him in the dining room attached to their rooms a half hour later. Nothing interrupted the clink of silverware on plates and the ticking of a small clock on a shelf along the wall behind his shoulders. They hadn't said a word to each other for a solid fifteen minutes. She had counted.

It would be nice to think it was a companionable silence they shared, but it felt like there was more awkwardness to it than anything. Racking her brain for something--anything--to say, she cleared her throat. 

Aleksander looked up expectantly.

"How were your reports this afternoon? Anything interesting?" Alina asked.

"Nothing in particular.” He frowned. “One was a recommendation to start a compulsory military service program for new citizens."

Alina blinked. "That sounds extreme. I thought we had enough border security?"

"We do. Compensation is good enough that there are plenty who want to take part in the army. It is simply that some of the generals are a bit more...amenable to the idea of expanding our territory." He gave her a significant glance.

Alina gripped her wineglass. "Well, it's too bad for them that we're not going to do that."

Aleksander gave a noncommittal sound before asking, "Did you see a Healer?"

"Yes. She gave me a sleeping draught to take after dinner. Hopefully that does the trick."

Aleksander nodded, and after a moment the conversation trailed off into nothingness. Alina sighed inwardly. She shouldn't be surprised. Before this, they'd had a pressing common goal of securing the safety of their people. What did they really have in common now beyond the goal of ruling well. They didn't really know each other yet, and it was clear that Aleksander chafed under his promise to wait before pushing for more expansion. Ambition had always driven him, and now without war and without his old political maneuvering to gain the throne, she wasn't really sure what he wanted. It felt as if they had taken so many steps forward before the battle of Kribirsk, and now all of that ground had slid away underneath them. She couldn't stop herself from wondering if they would ever regain that ground or if it was lost forever.

And she was so very tired. It was exhausting to continuously push her power down so that she wasn't aware if it was even ready at her beck and call anymore. She pushed her seat back and stood, "I'd better take that medicine and see if it works. I'll see you in a bit?"

"I will be in shortly, yes." Aleksander looked back down into his kvass, but as she left, she turned her head and caught him watching her with an inscrutable expression. She tried to smile at him, but she knew it looked more pathetic than genuine as she walked away. 

On entering their bed chamber, she found a decanter sitting on her dressing table with an empty tumbler next to it. She poured the unappetizing-looking dark green liquid into the glass and raised it to her lips.

"Cheers," she said sarcastically and drank. It was just as bad as it seemed it would be, and she swallowed a few times trying to rid herself of the taste. Not knowing what else to do, she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Here goes nothing, she thought, and moments later she tumbled into darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Darkness filled the palace and weighted the eyes of sleeping courtiers and servants. And within that darkness, Alina tossed and turned on a turbulent wave of dreams. Images of Aleksander filled her mind, and she was once more in the middle of the Battle of Kribirsk where she raced along the plain toward the line of clashing bodies and horses. But she seemed so slow. Too slow. She would never catch up in time to help secure their victory.

Then with the logic of dreams, Aleksander was suddenly in front of her, riding and shouting atop his midnight charger. His horse reared and lashed out with its front hooves, and it seemed as if the motion happened in stops and starts like photographs strung together--this one focused on the flailing hooves, that one on her love's grim, determined face. 

In a flash, he stood on the ground beside her, his eyes radiant with their victory over the Alliance. There was just the two of them. All the other people, both living and fallen, had vanished. Aleksander reached out for her, a smile curving his lips, and she knew that in the next moment he was going to kiss her. 

But a crack rent the air, and then he was falling to the ground in slow motion. His body was so very still. Alina could feel a scream rising just as it had that day on the battlefield, but she couldn't move or even make a sound as a laughing Mal materialized out of thin air to drop to his knees next to Aleksander. Before she could stop him, Mal raised his arm and shoved a gleaming hunter’s blade—the blade that had killed Morozova’s stag—straight through Aleksander's heart.

In the dream, Alina did finally scream, racing to her love's side only to have his body crumble to ash beneath her hands as the Green Sea burst forth in bloom around her, mocking her with its beauty. She sifted her fingers through what was left of him, searching for some way to put him back together again, to bring him back to her. But it was too late. A fierce wind gusted up around her and blew the cinders to the four corners of the earth. He was gone forever. Then the dead reappeared, pale and angry as they dragged themselves from the green earth to advance on her. Somehow, she knew they were intent on tearing her living body apart. She held her hands up in defense, but her power fled from her, and then the dead were shoving her to the ground and tearing at her limbs, her clothes, her hair as she cried out for help that didn't come.

And then it happened all over again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Unable to stop it, Alina began to whimper in her sleep, shaking her head and thrashing her legs. Then, from very far away, she felt herself being shaken awake. Strong hands and a familiar voice pulled her into the waking world like a drowning woman being pulled back into light and air and life. 

Her eyes snapped open, and she gasped as her heart raced and pounded in her chest. 

“Alina?” Aleksander’s voice washed over her and she realized she lay on her side facing away from him with her head pillowed on his arm. He had wrapped his other arm around her center and was holding her steady, making the white silk of her nightgown slide against her stomach. She clung to his forearm with both hands, trying to push back the terrifying images that still filled her mind while she dragged in a lungful of air. Finally, she blew out a long breath to try to return her breathing and her heart rate back to normal. 

Her eyes focused on a book that lay on the mattress next to her, and a lamp lit the room with a dim glow. She realized that Aleksander must have been reading while she lay with her back pressed against his chest, his chin resting against the top of her head.

He had been holding her as she slept. A lump filled her throat at the thought. She would have to think about this moment the next time she was fretting about their relationship, because this easy intimacy was not something she had pictured from him.

Turning her head awkwardly to gaze up at his face, she once more squeezed her hands around the strong forearm banding her close to his body before pulling away to rearrange herself so that she could face him. He regarded her, his eyes tired but concerned. 

“You cried out," he said. "What were you dreaming about that was so terrible?” His voice was a low rumble in her ears. He sounded tired and must have been about to fall asleep himself. Thank the Saints he had been awake to rescue her from her terror this time. 

“You,” Alina whimpered as she reached out to reassure herself he was still there and in one piece. “I was dreaming about you.”

At these words, she felt his body stiffen under her hand. 

“And was I doing something particularly monstrous?” he asked, his calm voice at odds with the slight tension in his body that she only recognized from having begun to grow familiar with his moods.

Alina shook her head. “You were dying. Mal stabbed you and then you fell. You—you died and turned into dust while the Green Sea just...exploded around me." Her voice was shaky, and she could barely get out her final words. "And then you were gone." 

Tears pricked at her eyes. Pull yourself together, she thought to herself. Don’t be a baby. It was just a nightmare, after all. 

But her chastisement did little to ease her lingering fear.

Seeing her distress, Aleksander pulled her close in a brief embrace before pushing her back down so that she lay on her back with her head upon the down-filled pillows next to his own. They had decided a few months back who would take which side of the bed. Alina almost smiled at the memory of what he had done to convince her to let him have his way and take the side he wished for. Now, he leaned over her so that he could brush his fingers along her cheek. The lamplight shone on his black hair, and his eyes were dark and fathomless.

“See?” he said, his voice still low. “Not dust.” He accompanied his words with a surge of his power at each point where his fingertips touched her skin. 

Alina sighed as the feeling of surety filled her as it always did when he brought his powers as an amplifier to bear on her. Her shoulder muscles began to unknot themselves. Her awareness of him began to strengthen as she shook off the remnants of the dream, and she reveled in the sight of the pale expanse of his chest and the lean strength of his arms. 

He really was incredibly beautiful. Although she knew it was ridiculous, she still needed to make sure for herself that his words were true. She reached out and ran her hand across the center of his chest and let it come to rest over his heart. Its steady beat did more to reassure and calm her than anything else.

She leaned back against the pillows and sighed. “I really thought the sleeping draught would work. I thought it meant the nightmares would be done with me.”

Aleksander gave a hmm of interest. “You've never told me what these dreams were about before. They are always the same?"

Alina nodded. 

"And how much does the tracker figure into them?” he asked idly, watching his hand as he wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger, not meeting her eyes.

Alina frowned. “He’s hardly in the dream at all. After he kills you, he just disappears. It's just you and me before and after that.”

Aleksander’s lips lifted into a smug smile, his lashes coming to rest against his cheeks as his eyes closed briefly.

“Yes, I’m only thinking about you,” Alina huffed. “It’s my subconscious. I can’t exactly dictate what it decides to show me. But yes, it’s only you I’m ever concerned with.”

He nodded. “As it should be.” His voice was wry, but there was also a decided note of satisfaction in his tone.

Alina couldn't help but give a small smile as she smacked him lightly on the arm, but then she sobered and tried to change the subject to one she had long wondered about. “Do you ever dream of it? When you...” She trailed off.

He arched a brow. “When I _did_ die?”

Alina nodded. After a long moment, he sighed. 

“I do not dream of it, no, but it was on my mind for a long time afterwards. The moment when I felt my life leaving me and I believed I saw those on the other side...The nothingness of it and the darkness, it...unnerved me. It still does, if I am perfectly honest.” Alina could tell the admission was not one he would normally make, and she appreciated his candor all the more for it. 

He looked into her eyes then. “But I also remember that when I was sure I was lost, I felt something.” He paused. “It was as if a burning, golden thread hooked itself into my chest.

He reached out and rested his fingers in the space between her breasts just below her collarbone. “That is where I felt it. Right here.” 

She was very aware of his touch, and she shivered as he began to stroke his fingers up and down in a gesture that did absolutely nothing to calm her frayed nerves. Instead, she felt her heart begin to pick up speed again as he lay his hand flat on her chest where the vee of her silk nightgown bared her skin. His fingers began to spread outward until the edges of his hand brushed the sides of her breasts where they were exposed to the night air. Alina had no doubt that he knew just what he was doing to her, and she was sure he could feel the uptick in her heart rate where his palm pressed against her chest. If Aleksander was anything, he was a master at pulling sensations and feelings from her, after all.

And she was glad that they still had this physical bond between them. So very glad. If there was distance and awkwardness in their day to day life, it didn't extend to their time in bed together. Now more than ever, she needed the reassurance that only his body could give her. His slate eyes were dark, and a small smile turned up the corners of his mouth.

She felt her nipples begin to tighten into hard buds, and when she glanced down, she could see their outline visible as they pushed against the fabric of her nightgown.

Aleksander made eye contact with her as he slowly leaned over her. She watched him as he sucked one of the stiff and aching peaks into his mouth. His tongue slid over it slowly, wetting the fabric and creating a delicious friction with his lips as he kissed it. Ever so gently, he reached underneath the edge of her knee-length gown and placed his hand on the inside of her thigh. 

Alina gasped when he ran that hand up toward the center of her body and cupped her between her legs. She couldn’t hold back a moan of pleasure at the sensations flooding through her. He chuckled as she tossed her head back on the pillow, arching her body into his mouth and into his touch, silently begging for more.

He raised his head slightly and took in her helpless motions. “So eager,” he murmured. His voice held a dark, seductive note that increased her pleasure. She whimpered in response as he began to stroke her with two fingers, spreading her open while also spreading her growing wetness along her folds. By the time he slid upwards to circle her clit, she was beginning to moan his name.

“Aleksander,” she whispered helplessly.

"Alina," he responded with an almost mischievous expression in response to her writhing beneath him. He continued to circle her aching flesh, and it felt as if all her attention was drawn to that point. His fingers were so slow though. Far too slow. And he knew it.

"Please," she begged, moving in a way to provoke more contact from him.

He looked down the length of her body, obviously enjoying the view but making no concessions to her demands. "Please, what?"

"Please...Oh, you know what I want..." Her voice had gone very breathy and a little plaintive.

Something like a smirk lifted the corner of his mouth. "Yes, but I wish to hear you say it."

Alina huffed inwardly. The man made her want to scream in frustration. But if she played her cards right, he would have her crying out for an entirely different reason. And she wanted that very much. Obedience was a small step to achieving that goal, and besides, he knew exactly how much submitting to his demands made her wild with desire. They were well-matched in that regard. 

As he continued to touch her in that same carefully-measured pace, she managed to gasp out, "Aleksander...I need you inside me." 

He bent down and brushed his lips against her hardened nipple. "Do you?" he asked idly. "You will have to work for it, then," he warned before taking the tight bud into his mouth and biting down gently.

She drew in a quick breath. So, he wanted to play. She was more than happy to indulge him in his games, because he knew how to play them and how to play her body so very well. If this was how he intended to distract her from her nightmare, she was more than willing to go along with it. She nodded.

"Take this off," he said in a low, firm voice, tugging on one of her nightgown's straps where it lay against her shoulder.

Alina hurried to comply. She raised herself up and began to shimmy out of the slippery fabric, pulling it over her head. The cool air hit her heated and sensitive flesh, making her shiver with both the chill and with the anticipation of discovering whatever he had planned.

Aleksander rolled over to the side of the bed, pulling open a drawer in the nightstand and drawing out a length of black cord Alina had never seen before. 

"Give me your hands," he ordered.

She complied, holding out her hands to him with some trepidation, but mostly with a rising excitement. His long, slim fingers gripped her wrists and began slowly wrapping the cord around them until they were tightly bound together. She remembered when she'd had her hands tied behind her in Nikolai Lantsov's tent, but this situation was far removed from that. She was a little confused about what he intended, though.

The curiosity must have been written on her face, because he gave a small smile and said, "Trust me." He paused, brushing a kiss over the back of her bound hands. "And tell me if you want to stop."

She nodded her understanding and gave him a nervous smile in return.

On seeing her willingness, he became demanding once more. "Lie down on your back, then raise your arms over your head," he ordered. 

Alina did so, lying back on the soft mattress and lifting her bound wrists so that they lay on the pillow above her, her fingertips brushing the metal bars of the headboard. She felt utterly exposed as she lay stretched out before him, her naked body on full display. It made her a little embarrassed, but by the light in his eyes, Aleksander was fully appreciative of her in this posture. So it was more than worth it to her mind.

Her curiosity only grew as he leaned over her and wrapped the ends of the cord around the metal bar of the headboard. He knotted the cord and when he turned away, she tugged against it and found she was trapped in place. It increased her confusion. She trusted him, but she couldn't fathom how on earth this was supposed to be pleasurable.

Meanwhile, Aleksander had pulled on his _kefta_ and was walking to the door that led to the dining room. She was about to protest that he was leaving her there completely exposed and alone, but he turned his head to look at her when he pulled the door open.

"Don't move," he said, one side of his mouth turning up in a small smile.

Alina huffed to herself as he left. She couldn't move if she tried. The man probably thought he was hilarious. It was hard not to appreciate it when he was so playful, though. Or so bossy. She definitely didn't mind it when he was bossy. It would have driven her crazy in their everyday life, but every time they were in bed together his demands sent small thrills of electricity coursing through her body. It happened without fail, and she had no reason to believe this time would be any different. So she did as he said and lay perfectly still, listening to her slightly ragged breathing as she tried to imagine what he intended to do.

A moment later, Aleksander returned carrying what looked like a glass of alcohol with ice cubes floating in it. He stood next to the bed and took a long sip of the dark liquid, swallowing it. He was silent for a moment as he ran his eyes along the naked length of her. She could almost feel his gaze as if it were his hand, warm and slow and lingering along her body. It was hard not to stretch and arch in invitation, begging him to actually touch her. To give her something more.

He finally opened his mouth and said in a deliciously-seductive tone, "Spread your legs for me."

Alina did as he instructed, slowly spreading her legs and allowing him to view her most intimate place at his leisure. She swallowed convulsively, sure that she must look ridiculous with her hands tied and her body spread out like this.

It was almost as if he could feel her apprehension. "You are so beautiful," he said, and the quiet approval in his voice sent one of those electric shivers through her.

"Now what?" she whispered hoarsely.

He arched his eyebrows and his eyes glittered. "Now I do whatever I want with you. And I intend to be very...creative about it." 

With those words, he reached his free hand out and gently, lazily caressed her breast.

Alina's eyes closed. She was so happy that he was finally touching her. She arched her body to meet his hand, pressing her breast more fully into his palm, and he rewarded her by squeezing it and then pinching her hardened nipple until she gasped at the exquisite mixture of pleasure and a little pain.

When he removed his hand, she did her best not to make a disappointed sound, but was not entirely successful. He smiled slightly. "Patience," was all he said before he drained the rest of his glass and set it down on the nightstand. A moment later, he drew one of the ice cubes out of the bottom of the glass. He reached his hand out, holding the glistening cube to her lips.

"Open your mouth," he said. She obeyed, and he carefully rested the ice on her tongue. "Taste it," he said softly. 

As she did, the warmth of the alcohol blossomed on her tongue mixing with the shock of cold. She swallowed as she held the cube on her tongue, her throat working. She could feel his eyes on her.

"Beautiful," he murmured again. And she felt it. She felt beautiful, and desirable, and wanted. It was a heady sensation, and she basked in the utter blissfulness of it.

He rested his fingers on her lower lip. "I will need that back," he said, a thread of amusement and something darker in his voice. As he took the ice from her, she ran her tongue playfully along one of his fingers and was delighted to hear him inhale sharply. 

His eyes blazed with the desire she longed to stoke in him just it was building in her. After a moment, he rasped out, "Your mouth is incredibly tempting, Alina Starkov."

She couldn't help but grin at that, the image flashing in her mind of the last time he had let her take her time using her mouth on him and the sorts of sounds she had coaxed from his throat. Saints, how she would love to be doing that again. Pleasing and torturing Aleksander was a truly rewarding experience. 

Distracted as she was by those thoughts, she gave a startled yelp of surprise when he ran the ice cube over one of her hardened nipples and then the other one in turn. The twin points burned and smarted, but they had also never felt so good to her in her entire life--even when he was using his mouth on them, which she loved. 

Alina whimpered at the sensation, and Aleksander laughed quietly. "Just wait," he said with no small amount of satisfaction. He trailed the ice between her breasts, down the line of her stomach, and when he raised his hand, she felt the unbearable tension of knowing exactly where he was going to place that piece of freezing cold next. Surely not, she thought, gasping. 

And then he did just that.

When the ice made contact with her lower lips, she held herself very still, but when it touched her clit, she began to buck her hips and tug helplessly at the cord binding her wrists.

"Oh Saints! Aleksander...!" she moaned helplessly. It became abundantly clear why he wanted her tied up. She couldn't escape even if she'd wanted to, and she writhed away from the sensation as much as she bent towards it. It was so intense she could scarcely stand it.

When he brushed the ice against her once more, she couldn't hold in a shriek from the feeling of exquisite torture. In exchange, he gave a low laugh. "Good," he said. "Scream. I want everyone in the entire palace to hear you. I want them to wonder what I am doing to please you that you would make such noises." 

After long minutes of taking her to the limits of what she could stand to feel, the ice cube in his hand finally melted away to nothing. Alina was left gasping and panting, her body finally coming to rest. She was dimly aware that instead of taking up another piece of ice, Aleksander had pulled his _kefta_ over his head and was climbing onto the bed. 

Completely undone, she didn't have time to admire the sight of his naked body before he was laying between her legs and resting his mouth against the junction of her thighs. His tongue felt like a flame against her frozen flesh as it slid between her lower lips. He started to lap at her clit. The electricity and heat of it was completely and utterly more than she could bear. She began to come immediately, hard and fast, her body convulsing helplessly.

It went on for what felt like forever, her head thrown backwards and her back arched taut off the bed, her limbs straining and broken cries pouring from her throat. Afterwards, she felt boneless and limp as she started to come back to herself only to find Aleksander stretching the length of his body on top of hers, his cock resting eager and hard between her legs. She arched her back and pressed her lower body tightly to his, welcoming him as he surged inside her with one quick, hard thrust.

If there was one thing she loved about the two of them coming together now after three months of patience and practice, it was that he no longer treated her like she was made of glass. He groaned now as he thrust deep inside of her, filling her in a way that amazed her every time he took her. As her body accommodated his length, she wrapped her legs around him since her arms were still bound, encouraging him to fill her even farther. He obliged, and their panting breaths and moans filled the room as he moved inside of her. 

Their coupling took on a new edge this time with her stretched helplessly beneath him, and he ran one hand up the length of her body as he thrust his hips, his cock sliding in and out of her in a never-ending rhythm. His fingers fanned over the ties binding her wrists, and he gripped her even tighter, anchoring her there as his hips worked between her legs. 

Alina's moans began to take on the sound of small, frantic pleas, and he responded with a low groan that had a feral edge to it. He kissed her savagely, and when he pulled his mouth away, they stared hard into each other's eyes as he pounded into her. "Harder," she gasped again and again, knowing what it would do to him. Soon, she recognized the signs from his breathing and the sudden concentration on his beautiful face that he was going to come. As he lost the rhythm and thrust deeply one final time, she found herself rising to meet him, her consciousness fracturing in a glorious burst of pleasure.

As she began to come back to herself, she felt something against her wrists and she glanced up through unfocused eyes to see Aleksander untying her. She knew he was still affected by their lovemaking, because his fingers fumbled slightly with the knots. When he finished and pulled the cord free that had bound her, she drew her arms back down to her sides before rubbing her wrists. They were reddened from where she had yanked against the tight bonds, but there was no lasting harm. And it had most definitely been worth it. 

Aleksander lay down with a long sigh, and she snuggled up against him. A smile edged his mouth upwards. "Adventurousness suits you," he said in a tired but sly voice.

"You just like being able to be bossy," she said, poking him in the side.

He gave a low laugh. "That may be so, but I do not hear you complaining."

"Well, that's true."

They lay there for a while, Alina resting her hand on Aleksander's chest as he breathed deeply, her legs entwined with his. If only they could be this intimate emotionally and conversationally as well as in the physical sense, she thought with a pang of sadness. They were very good at communicating this way, though, and if this was all he was willing to give right now, she would take it. 

Instead of succumbing to sleep after their exertions, the thoughts of the day began to intrude on her consciousness. The worry, and fear, and guilt at what she had possibly unbalanced between the Green Sea and Aleksander's life rested its weight on her as it always did. She finally spoke up before he could edge into sleep as he seemed to be doing.

"Aleksander?"

"Hm...?" he muttered sleepily after a long moment.

"Can I ask you something?"

He cracked one eye open and looked down at her. "What, Alina?"

"I'm worried about the Green Sea."

He groaned slightly and closed his eye tightly once more. "I do not suppose this conversation can wait until morning?"

She scrunched her face up in irritation. "No. It can't."

"Very well," he sighed, his eyes still closed. "What exactly are you worried about?"

She voiced the thought that had been tumbling around in her head for the past several days. "Do you...Do you think the nightmares are a punishment for using _merzost_?"

He opened both of his eyes this time and took in her apprehensive expression. "A punishment," he stated flatly. "And who exactly would be doing the punishing?"

She blushed. "I don't know. The Saints? Whatever else is out there in charge of everything?"

He frowned. "There are no Saints, and there is nothing else out there in the universe 'in charge' of anything."

"You seem awfully sure of that."

"I am."

"How can you be so sure?" 

He ran a hand over his face. "Alina. Is this really the time for a philosophical debate on the existence of divine beings?"

"Yes!" she protested. "I'm concerned! Something is not right, and you know it."

"I know no such thing," he said, closing his eyes as if that would put an end to the conversation.

"Stop being an ass," she said, shoving him slightly. "Something is strange, then. And where else would _merzost_ come from if not from divine beings?"

He sighed again, speaking slowly as if he was explaining something to a small child. " _Merzost_ comes from the making at the heart of the world. It comes from the manipulation of the forces of life and death. It is beyond the small science, it is true, but it is not granted by Saints or spirits or things that go bump in the night."

She paused, considering his words. "Spirits? What kind of spirits?"

"The kind the Grisha and _otkazat'sya_ worshiped before your vaunted Saints," he grumbled. At her look, he continued. "Long ago, there were supposedly more spirits of earth, sky, and sea than there were stars in the heavens, and they all had power over nature and over life and death in some fashion."

"That seems strange," Alina said, frowning.

"Yes, it does. It is utterly ridiculous as far as I am concerned. As ridiculous as the kind of religion Ravka's Apparat and every other prophet preaches now about Saints."

"But what about the volcra and the Fold, then?"

"What about them?" he asked wearily.

"When you created the Fold, you were faced with monsters and the darkness--the one thing you couldn't have power over. You don't think that seems a little...on the nose as far as a punishment for you 'meddling.'" 

Alina almost laughed to see Aleksander roll his eyes. It was so unlike him to be flippant. "You sound like my mother," he grumbled. "And yes, the balance of the world was thrown off by my experiments with _merzost_ , but not as some divine retribution for my hubris. 'Like calls to like.' If anything, the darkness was an extension of the element I worked with when I created it." 

Alina fell silent for a moment. "I understand what you're saying...I think...but I just can't help feeling as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something terrible to be revealed. Something as bad as the volcra and the Fold."

Aleksander pulled her into his arms. " _If_ something is wrong, and that is a big 'if,' then we will face whatever it is head on whenever it appears."

She took in his words. At least they would pose a united front. That made her feel marginally better. 

"Thank you, Aleksander," she said quietly.

"You are welcome, Alina. Now go to sleep. There is much to do when the delegates arrive tomorrow."

She nodded, snuggling closer. He was right. It would be a busy day to say the least. She took a few calming breaths, and this time when she closed her eyes, she felt the slow, sucking pull of sleep coming to claim her. Her last thought was that she hoped it would be a peaceful night for her after their conversation. And it was, more or less. Her dreams were fairly innocuous for the first time in a long while. But something constantly hovered on the horizon when she thought of the dreams later, as if a shadow was stretching out its arms to overtake the world. And what that shadow would do when it arrived, she couldn't say.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, everyone! I feel like I need to get something out of the way: I like Zoya. I really do. I just thought she was awful in Shadow and Bone, and since that's the timeline we're in here...well...it's a little rocky between her and Alina, to say the least.

Alina slept in very late the next morning, and when she woke she was delighted to feel like her subconscious mind had pummeled her with terrifying images less than it usually did. Aleksander was long gone, but that wasn't unexpected. He rose early and was much more of a morning person than she was, but she held in a sigh of disappointment. She'd hoped to continue their conversation from the night before or to at least share that she'd slept untroubled thanks to his ministrations. But he must have been able to tell from watching her that she was actually getting decent rest for once. 

Alina glanced at her wrists and saw they were back to their normal color with nary a red mark to be seen. She blushed, glad that nobody would know exactly what they had gotten up to the night before. As delightful as it had been, her "adventurousness" as he'd put it wasn't something she wanted made known far and wide.

She checked one more time to see if she had started bleeding in the night, but there was no sign of anything, and she did indulge in a sigh this time. "For Saints' sake..." she muttered to herself. 

It was beyond frustrating to not know one way or another whether she was pregnant or not. Surely Aleksander would be happy if she were? He had wanted a family once with another woman. Why not with her? Except that they were clearly not connecting as well as they could be outside of the bedroom. If they were, they would be spending more time together and sharing more of their thoughts and feelings with each other. Not that she didn't love their sex life. She did. She just had a feeling there could be so much more between them. At least that was what she _thought_ it could be like. It wasn't like she had parents to emulate or any other long-term relationships to compare hers to other than David and Genya's. 

Alina shook herself, determined to focus on the good things that had happened so far, such as the fact that she had finally gotten some sleep and that she and Aleksander were thriving in one area of their relationship. Better to think of things in those terms, she decided, and she was in a buoyant mood when she left her rooms in the early afternoon to go find Marie and Nadia. The inseparable pair were in charge of preparing that evening's social gathering for any of the high-ranking delegates that arrived early for the ball. Just in case someone did in fact arrive, she dressed in a black _kefta_ with intricate gold embroidery at the cuffs and hems. The finishing touch was a pair of gold ear cuffs with swirling designs etched into the metal that matched the embroidery. They had been a gift from Aleksander on their coronation day, and she felt her heart squeeze a little every time she saw them. 

As she walked the halls to the space where the reception would take place, she was so caught up in thinking of who to introduce to who that she almost walked right past the entrance to the gardens without noticing that Vasya Petrovna was visible within. The girl stood next to one of the trees rooted in the part of the Green Sea that edged up to the palace. The garden was a huge one mostly made up of laden fruit trees and flowering vines. Gardeners had planted herbs and other bushes to balance out the orchard specimens, and everything flourished in the golden sunlight that shone down day in and day out. Nothing ever seemed to need water once it had been planted in the beyond-fertile soil, which was another symptom of the Sea's unnatural effects. 

Alina observed the girl who was currently inspecting a branch with a curious gaze. Vasya's brown hair fell down her back in rich waves, and the sun picked out glints of chestnut highlights. She wore the same dress she'd worn the day before at the petitioning session in the Hall, but the garments had obviously been freshly laundered.

Alina didn't want to startle her, so she cleared her throat lightly. Vasya turned her head, and on seeing Alina, she dropped her hand from the perfect red and gold apple hanging from one of the perfect trees she'd been inspecting. She gave Alina a small curtsey. "Your majesty," she said awkwardly.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Alina said.

Vasya shrugged after dropping another awkward curtsey. The girl must have been nervous, Alina thought, and she couldn't blame her. 

"I'm a guest here, your majesty. I'm the one who should be worried about disturbing you."

Alina smiled. "Not at all. And please, call me Alina."

Vasya looked at her strangely, probably not sure how to react to the informality Alina requested, but she nodded.

"Are you comfortable here at the palace?" Alina asked.

"Of course. It's not every day you get to stay in a palace. I'm not quite sure why we're still here, though. Don't get me wrong," she said after seeing Alina's expression, "we're grateful that you've taken an interest in our problems. But why did you invite us to stay?"

"Because I want to know more about what's been going on in Kribirsk."

Vasya looked unconvinced. "I could tell the king doesn't believe us, though." She gave a bitter laugh. "I mean, why would he? What we talked about and what's happening sounds crazy."

"I don't know about crazy," Alina said tactfully. "But it sounds like there's something wrong, just as you said yesterday."

"That’s it exactly," Vasya nodded. 

"And it's like you said? People going missing or seeing the dead? That kind of thing?"

Vasya looked at the tree as she seemed to put her words in order. "It's hard to describe," she said slowly. "There are the bizarre things like the girls who came out of the grass and took Piotr, and it's hard to say if Kiril's parents just wanted to see their child back so badly that they imagined it. And perhaps we're just hearing the wind instead of cries of the dead soldiers...But it's more than that. There's something in the air itself. Like a spark about to snap. It's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. You can't see anything, but it's there." She looked back at Alina and frowned. "I know what I sound like. But believe me or not, it's happening."

Alina paused before asking, "You really weren't a Grisha until last week?"

Vasya's face twisted in an unhappy smile. "No. I was _otkazat'sya_ born to two Grisha parents. Believe me, I longed to have the power of an Inferni like my father or to be a Fabrikator like my mother every day when I was growing up. But I'd trade this stupid power back a thousand times if it meant my father could be a Grisha again." Tears began to fill her eyes, and she dashed them away angrily. "He's a changed man. Imagine if your power was ripped away overnight. What would you do?"

What would she do? It was more a question of what had she already done. She was already pushing her power down, and Alina was terrified of the thought that she would never get to use it again. Her power was as much a part of her now as any body part. The thought of losing it forever was unthinkable. She shook her head. "I don't know what I'd do if that happened, but I will do everything in my power to find out what's causing this."

Vasya smiled tremulously. "Please fix it. Whatever is going wrong. Please."

Alina nodded. "I'll try."

"Thank you. That's all I ask." Vasya said. She stepped towards Alina and the door. "I should go check on my parents. Thank you again."

Alina stepped out of the girl's path and watched as Vasya made her way slowly down the hallway toward the guest quarters. When she found herself alone, she turned back to gaze out over the gardens and beyond them to the Green Sea. It was exactly what she had wanted and what she had made it to be. She raised her hand and looked down at it. All that power--the power that had created this paradise out of death and nothingness--was inside of her just waiting to be unleashed. And deep down, she longed for it. That was what scared her more than the thought of never touching her light again. Finally, she lowered her hand, but she was still there staring at the Sea several minutes later when Genya arrived.

"Alina! I've been looking everywhere for you. The King of Ravka was spotted and he's about to arrive. He's hours ahead of schedule, of course. We need you in the Hall as soon as you can come."

Alina gave a small groan. Of course Nikolai would throw things off-kilter. He probably knew he was doing it, too. Maybe he wanted to put everyone on edge to have some kind of advantage over the proceedings or maybe this was meant to be some kind of test. Or maybe he was honestly just early. She was becoming a suspicious woman. That was probably Aleksander's influence, but it was hard not to see everyday things as moves and countermoves now that every decision carried immense weight behind it.

"How long do we have before he's escorted to the Hall?" she asked Genya as they left the gardens behind.

"About five minutes. But don't worry. I already organized all of our people so they're standing in ranking order, and I already had the servants assigned to his party get a move on with preparing the Ravkan rooms just in case something like this happened. Tamar and Tolya are in the hall acting as heads of security as usual."

Alina blew out a breath. "You're a miracle worker, Genya."

"I do my best," she said. The Tailor paused a long moment before asking, "Are you positive that you want me there in plain sight? I could lay low for the next few days."

"Absolutely not. You're the most trusted member of my court. You're not going to hide as if you were a criminal."

Genya glanced at Alina sidelong. "I am a criminal. In Ravka, anyway."

"Well, I probably would be one as well if some people had their way. I just happen to wear a crown. It's going to be awkward, I'll admit. But this is your home, not his."

"It's going to be all kinds of things," Genya muttered. "Let's hope it just stays at 'awkward' and doesn't turn into 'international incident.'"

Before Alina could respond, they arrived at one of the many doors to the Hall. Alina pulled Genya to a stop before they entered and gave her friend a hug. "You can do this. _We_ can do this."

Genya hugged her back. "I'll see you after the reception."

The two parted ways as they entered the room, Genya to the rows of advisors and generals, and Alina to the dais where Nikolai would be formally presented to herself and Aleksander. 

Aleksander was already waiting there for her, walking a line between subdued and resplendent in a black silk _kefta_ with onyx buttons and clasps. He took in her own black and gold attire and the ornamentation with the ear cuffs, and she could see his approval in the set of his mouth and the look in his eyes. She stepped up next to him. He leaned toward her to murmur in her ear, "You look beautiful. And rested."

She smiled up at him. "I have 'adventurousness' to thank for it. And you."

A slight smirk travelled across his face. "We will have to see what else we can do in the service of getting you some more sleep. And I will be putting more creative thought into it. Much more."

"Please do," she said with a small shiver at the thought of more nights like the last one.

Before they could continue their banter, guards threw open the double doors, and a footman announced, "His majesty, King Nikolai of Ravka." Then, a familiar, broad-shouldered man with golden hair walked up the aisle towards the dais flanked by a horde of his own advisors and a handful of courtiers. When he stopped and stood before Alina and Aleksander, they nodded to each other, and Alina stepped forward to greet him. 

Every detail of this visit had been discussed with Aleksander and Genya and other advisors. Every motion was scripted to try to avoid offense and to give them an advantage in whatever political conversations would be taking place. It had been decided that Alina would be the one to receive Nikolai to present a more friendly face while showing that she held just as much power as Aleksander over the kingdom. She wasn't a queen in the mold of Nikolai's mother. She was a queen in the mold of a conqueror.

"Your majesty, welcome to Zelenyyi Mir and to the palace. We are both so pleased you could come for our celebration." The words sounded so formal on her tongue--hollow, even--but there were protocols to be followed.

The king of Ravka's hazel eyes took her in, and he gave another bow of his head. He looked astonishingly handsome in his full military dress as the commander of the Ravkan army. It was a very different experience seeing Nikolai Lantsov wear the uniform than it had been when it was his father wearing it. In those days, it had seemed like a mockery of the First Army when everyone knew what kind of a weak man and a weak leader he'd been. 

"Thank you for inviting the Ravkan delegation. I wouldn't have missed it." He eyed her again. "Queen Alina," he said with a smile, his voice dropping so only the small group around them could hear him. "It has a certain ring to it. How have you been faring as a fellow new monarch?"

"Just Alina is fine," she demurred. "And it's more challenging but more rewarding than I thought it would be."

"Just Nikolai will do for me then, as well." Nikolai continued to smile at her, but his smile became strained and he stiffened slightly when his eyes shifted to take in Genya standing off to the side. She was with the other advisors and courtiers who stood in rows to the side of the room, but her flaming-red hair made her stand out amidst the crowd. Alina could make out a flush on her friend's cheeks, and although she knew Genya didn't regret her role in killing Nikolai's father one bit, the awkwardness of standing so close to the man's son must have been awful.

Saints, she thought. What next?

Alina knew Nikolai wouldn't create a scene in the middle of the Receiving Hall, but that didn't mean he wouldn't take the first opportunity to demand that whatever he saw as justice should be meted out. Seeing and understanding exactly what was going on with his keen eyes, Aleksander stepped forward. 

"You are welcome here, Nikolai Lantsov."

"My thanks for that," Nikolai said, his attention dragged away from Genya, but his expression still stony. He cocked an eyebrow then, asking, "And what am I to call you? Is it King Darkling now?"

Without batting an eye, Aleksander said quietly, "Between the two of us, you may call me Eryk."

Alina did her best not keep her mouth from dropping. He was lying. Blatantly. To the man she intended to have as an ally. All she could do was wonder why. Luckily, she was in the habit of calling him Aleksander only when they were alone, but remembering to call him this new name would be a struggle. Why Eryk, she wondered?

"I wouldn't have pegged you as coming from the South of Ravka," Nikolai mused. "But then again, you've never been or done anything anyone remotely expected."

Aleksander inclined his head. "I have several people to present to you at a reception if you are not too weary from your travels here."

Nikolai nodded. "I'm happy to have a drink with you if that's what you're proposing."

"You're a little early," Alina said, giving Nikolai a pointed look. "If the two of you will give me a moment, I'll go see that everything is ready for us." She made eye contact with Genya, and the Tailor slipped out of line and backed up to escape through another side door.

Alina followed, and once she was out of sight, she hurried to a good-sized room a short distance away where they'd planned to hold the reception later that evening. She entered it a moment before Genya appeared through another entrance. They both surveyed the space and the horde of servants preparing it. Marie stood in the middle of the room, handing out directions and Nadia was doing a last-minute check of the flower arrangements.

"Oh, thank all the Saints we were mostly ready since last night," Marie exclaimed on seeing Alina and Genya. 

"They're almost here," Genya replied. "Is everything all set?"

"Yes," Nadia piped up, joining the small cluster in the middle of the room. "It's a little early for champagne, though. We'll have to save it for tonight and go with _kvass_."

Alina made a face. "You're probably right."

"I'll make sure there's enough to go around," Genya said grimly and started for a side door where the palace steward seemed to be lurking.

"Oh please," a voice rang through the air. "Don't leave on my account."

Genya stiffened and stopped in her tracks. Alina swore under her breath. Nothing was ever easy. 

Nikolai stood in the doorway that led to the Hall. He had gotten there faster than expected or, more likely, he had made sure to get there in time to waylay Genya. An altercation between them seemed to be inevitable, and maybe it always had been.

Servants scattered for the doors followed by Marie and Nadia, although Alina had no doubt there would be several ears pressed to those doors to hear every detail of what was going on.

"Nikolai," she began when the room had cleared. "I don't believe you've ever met Genya."

"Oh, we've met. And it would be hard to forget the woman who murdered the king of Ravka. How could I not say hello?"

Genya had drawn herself up to her haughtiest. "Your majesty," she said, inclining her head. She pointedly did not apologize or admit any weakness or wrongdoing, Alina noticed.

Nikolai faced her friend directly, his face deadly serious. "Ms. Safin. You look better than I would have hoped for."

Alina bristled. Was this where Nikolai asked for Genya's head on a pike as her friend feared? It wasn't going to happen. "Genya is my most trusted advisor and friend," she began. 

Nikolai cut her off. "I think she can speak for herself."

The disrespect didn't sit well with Alina if they were meant to be peers of the same rank, but before she could bite back a response, Genya stepped forward. 

"I can and I will speak for myself." She stared down the man who probably wanted her dead. "Your father harassed and attacked scores of women, including myself," Genya said, her matter-of-fact tone belying the blaze of anger in her eyes. "I did what I had to do to save the Grisha, and I am only sorry I didn't stop him before more women were hurt."

Nikolai fell silent at that, clearly taken aback.

"Did nobody back up my story?" Genya asked with no small amount of defiance. 

Nikolai seemed to be gathering his words, but Alina could tell Genya expected an answer and Alina was willing to wait as long as it took for her friend to get one.

"There were inconsistencies," Nikolai admitted. "A few did come forward and said they had...similar experiences to yours. However, the rest said you were a liar and a 'social-climbing Grisha snake.' So, you can appreciate that it's hard to put this to rest in any kind of satisfactory way."

Genya snorted. "I'm not surprised. Most of your court was jealous of me or outright hated me. And there are those who won't come forward for shame or for fear that you'd take their heads off for speaking ill of your dead father."

"That thought had crossed my mind," Nikolai said dryly. "But the fact remains that you had a hand in his death."

"And that was on my orders."

Everyone's head turned as Aleksander strode into the room, the door shutting behind him. Alina breathed a sigh of relief. Things had seemed as if they were about to either resolve themselves on their own or spin out of control. At least now she had some backup. And it was true--he _had_ been the one to give the order.

"You know this is the way of power," Aleksander said, his face serious as he took in Nikolai's expression. "The moves and countermoves sometimes require extreme measures."

Nikolai shook his head. "I can't let this go unanswered. Otherwise, how am I to be a strong ruler. Or to be sure you won't do the same to me."

"Unless you are going to be assaulting courtiers and chamber maids, you have nothing to worry about from Genya Safin," Aleksander said smoothly. "And Alina and I have no quarrel with you, as you well know."

That wasn't strictly true, Alina thought, since it was only yesterday that Aleksander had voiced his desire to take Ravka whenever it seemed like an opportune moment.

Nikolai looked thoughtful. "Very well. However, Ms. Safin is unwelcome in Ravka for the rest of her life. If she is ever found there, she will be shot on sight."

Alina ground her teeth at the threat to her friend, but Genya looked as if she had expected the ruling. She seemed a little relieved, even. 

Aleksander nodded. "That is well within your rights, and we will talk more at length about the peace to be shared between our countries. If we are finished, however, there is a reception to be had," he said with finality.

Nikolai nodded abruptly, and Alina let out a surreptitious breath of relief.

Genya retreated, saying, "I'll let everyone know they should come in. Your majesties," she bowed as she took her leave, striding quickly to the main door, and throwing it open. Surely she must be thanking her lucky stars, Alina thought. If Nikolai had framed his argument saying that peace hinged on Genya's punishment and death, then who knew what would have happened next. That was a narrow escape. Too narrow for her dear friend.

The three rulers stood awkwardly in place a moment before Alina said, "Courtiers will be arriving any minute." Aleksander and Nikolai nodded, and they arranged themselves in order with Nikolai standing next to Alina and Aleksander on her other side. Better to stand as a buffer between the two men in case Nikolai needed to get his thoughts in order, she thought. Apparently, she was becoming a natural at diplomacy.

The other doors along the walls opened surreptitiously, and a series of guards moved into position around the corners of the room. Alina made eye contact with Tolya and Tamar in their palace uniforms of black and gold, who both nodded their readiness to her. 

She gave a sigh of relief. Everything was finally back on track.

As if he was trying to smooth things over in his own way, Nikolai leaned close to Alina and said, "I hope you're treating Tolya and Tamar well. My crew hasn't been the same without them." 

Alina's smiled, relieved he was obviously trying to move past the unpleasantness with Genya. "They're the heads of my security, I can't imagine running this place without them. I'm sure they must be very happy to see you."

"I hope so, and I suppose this means I have to be on my best behavior. I wouldn't relish being on the receiving end of Tamar's guns or Tolya's fists."

"You know you're very welcome here, Nikolai," Alina said sincerely. She meant it...As long as he kept his sentiments about Genya under wraps. She had been hoping to get to know the young monarch if only because they were both so new at ruling. 

Before they could continue their exchange, a footman appeared and began to announce the first in a seemingly never-ending wave of advisors and generals and various courtiers. The Ravkans made up the end of the receiving line, and Alina's people came first through the door, beginning with the Grisha designated to represent their respective orders.

Ivan and Iliana both headed the line, and both passed by without incident. However, as Alina turned to see who came nest, she groaned inwardly when she saw the next representative: Zoya Nazyalensky. She looked ravishing in her blue _kefta_ , her black hair shining in the light streaming in from the many windows along one wall of the room. Zoya had been the unanimous choice amongst the Etherealki to speak for the Squallers. Alina couldn't count herself among the woman's admirers, though.

Zoya had arrived within the last month, having missed the Battle of Kribirsk and the early establishment of the kingdom thanks to being on a military assignment from Aleksander. That mission had caused her to be deep within Fjerda when the fight with the Alliance happened. She hadn't yet said or done anything outright rebellious or insulting in relation to Alina, but there was something off about her. Alina couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it was clear the Squaller had been one of Aleksander's favorites in the past and that she harbored an intense interest in him even now. To be honest, Alina didn't really want to know what their relationship had once entailed. Every time she thought of asking Genya about it, she bit her tongue and held off, not sure if she wanted to hear something she wouldn't be able to unhear.

Pasting a pleasant expression on her face, Alina introduced the woman to Nikolai. "This is Zoya Nazyalensky, our representative for the Squallers, and the chief advisor of the Etherealki." 

"Your majesty," Zoya said, dropping a curtsy to Nikolai.

"Charmed," Nikolai said, and he sincerely seemed to be. But at least he wasn't actively drooling at her feet as most men did, Alina thought. 

Zoya turned to face Alina and Aleksander. " _Moi soverenyi_ ," she said in a low, silky voice before giving a deep curtsy aimed directly at Aleksander that put her generous breasts on full display as she glanced up at him through her thick black lashes, her eyes filled with what looked like invitation. Alina gritted her teeth. It was no accident and no surprise, because Zoya always acted this way around him. It drove Alina up the wall, but complaining about it seemed petty. Nevertheless, she didn't appreciate whatever game Zoya was playing--particularly if that game involved trying to attract Aleksander's interest. Maybe she wouldn't feel so paranoid about the Squaller if she and Aleksander just hashed out whatever was going on between them. As it was, she couldn't help but try to gauge if Zoya's interest was reciprocated.

However, Aleksander merely said "Zoya" in a neutral tone and nodded dismissively before shifting his attention to the next Grisha in line. 

Alina noticed the Squaller straighten abruptly. It was hard not to take satisfaction at the purposefully blank expression on the other woman's face. Apparently, she'd been expecting a more enthusiastic reception. It did not go unnoticed that she had barely acknowledged Alina herself. So much for respecting the queenly office, Alina thought.

She was so busy watching Zoya sweep away towards Iliana and Ivan that she almost missed David who represented the Fabrikators. The young man was usually single-minded in his interest in machines over people, but he had a determined look in his eyes as he stepped in front of Nikolai.

"This is David Kostyk, our chief Fabrikator," Alina said, curious to see what David intended. She wondered if Genya had coached him in talking to a royal personage. 

"I wanted to talk to you about your inventions," David blurted out almost before Alina had finished. 

Nikolai looked taken aback for a moment at the man's fervor. Apparently, Genya had not completely drilled him on what to do or say.

David blushed slightly, and said "That is, if you are able to talk about them. I mean if they're not secret. That would be understandable. But if they're not, I heard you have a schematic for a repeating rifle that doesn't overheat." David wrapped up the rapid-fire speech, but it looked like he had cut himself off only with effort. 

Nikolai grinned, rubbing his hands together. "I'd love to talk shop with a fellow inventor. Come find me later." Alina wondered if a connection between David and Nikolai would help ease some of the tension regarding Genya.

After David, the rest of the receiving line seemed woefully long and unexciting. The sea of faces finally began to dwindle, however, and Alina wished she could look forward to a drink. Even if that drink was _kvass_. Serving men and women circulated with trays, and she accepted a glass brought specifically for her. It was filled with water, and she realized Genya had thought of everything. She smiled inwardly at the thought.

All eyes were on their small party, waiting for a toast to signal the commencement of the festivities. Aleksander raised his glass and his voice filled the room. "To continued peace and a prosperous friendship between our two nations." 

The rest of the room echoed the sentiments, and with that, the room descended into an organized yet chaotic dance of people chatting and flirting and jockeying for position amongst their peers.

Alina was already tired of the proceedings. These celebrations always made her feel out of place or as if she was an imposter just playing at being a ruler. Nevertheless, she turned to Nikolai, prepared to make small talk.

"How is Ravka faring? This winter seems never-ending."

Nikolai grimaced. "Ravka could be better at the moment, I'm afraid. I'm sure you already know we're running low on our food supplies."

Alina nodded, hoping that was the right move. It was awkward acknowledging that they kept a close eye on their neighbor to the east, but it seemed like a ridiculous pretense to act as if she didn't know about the situation.

"Let us know how we can help," she said warmly. "I'll always be a Ravkan at heart, and I hate to think of the country suffering in any way."

"You are too kind, Alina. But we may have to call on you before long, so I hope that offer is genuine."

Aleksander cut in before she could promise any kind of aid. "We will do what we can. Perhaps we should discuss a trade of some kind at a later time."

Alina huffed inwardly. Did he constantly have to be maneuvering? Couldn't he just agree to do something selfless because it would be the right thing to do?

The reception dragged onwards, but it was good to chat with Nikolai and to be introduced to those who were helping him run Ravka. They were in the middle of talking about what the ball would hold in store the next day, when David arrived to talk shop. The crush of people surrounding the royal group had grown greater and greater, and as David stepped forward to shake Nikolai's hand again, Alina felt a nudge against her side that jostled her. She looked over to see an older man she recognized as one of her generals had accidentally dripped _kvass_ on the arm of her _kefta_.

"Your highness! Please allow me to apologize!" he exclaimed.

"Don't trouble yourself. There's no harm done," Alina said, surveying her sleeve, and giving the man a small smile. "It will just take a little water to get it off." Alina excused herself from the group and eased her way through the crowd toward the hallway that led to the ladies' room. She hated the thought of bothering a servant to come assist her, since she was perfectly capable of taking care of such a thing. Besides, she thought, it would be good to check in on Genya. With that thought, she caught Genya's eye from across the room, and they shared a wordless moment of understanding that they would meet up.

The hallway that led to the ladies' room was blessedly quiet, and Alina took a moment to breathe after the crush of the reception. Genya joined her a moment later, looking beautiful but on edge 

"Everything alright? the Tailor asked.

Alina grimaced. "Just an incident with some _kvass_. Thanks for the water, by the way. Any word on when the Fjerdans or the Shu Han will arrive?"

"Nothing concrete yet, but they should be here by tomorrow afternoon."

Alina nodded as they entered the ladies' room, looking for the array of sinks and mirrors she knew would be there. The room was empty but for Zoya who stood close by whispering and laughing with one of the Ravkan delegates as they both arranged their hair at a mirror. 

Alina was prepared to ignore the woman or force herself to have a pleasant exchange when her attention was drawn to the word "Keramzin." She couldn't help but stop in the doorway to listen to what was being said.

Zoya had just given a tinkling laugh. "...a little mouse who likes to listen to crazy peasants probably because she's practically a peasant herself. What he sees in her I'll never know. He's going to drop her when he tires of her the way he does with everyone else. Just wait. Then we'll see who is really in charge...and it's not some simpering girl from nowhere and nobody."

Alina stiffened, knowing the hateful words were directed at her and knowing that she was supposed to hear them. The Squaller had pitched her voice just loud enough for Alina to make out what was being said. As Zoya finished touching up her hair, she made eye contact with Alina and gave her a sly look before linking arms with the Ravkan woman and walking to the door.

"Your majesty," she said as they walked past. Her voice had an edge of derision to it. Alina could only nod. What else was she supposed to do? she wondered. Should she make a scene? Demand Zoya's head on a platter? No, there was nothing to be done but to take it. For now.

As the door closed behind the pair, a wave of anger and embarrassment rose up in Alina's chest. A surprising amount of sadness wove its way through her as well, probably because Zoya's words hit a little too close to home with what Alina had been worried about for the past months. Would Aleksander get tired of her? Maybe if she knew him better she'd have her answer. Or maybe that was an answer in itself. 

Alina bit her lip, wishing she was someone who could just shrug off personal insults the way Genya could. But that wasn't how she was built. Nothing is ever easy, she thought once more. And as she stared into the bathroom mirror, she wondered not for the first time what she was doing there and who she was to think she could possibly be a queen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Your comments and kudos mean so much to me. I had way too much fun writing such an angsty chapter. Sometimes you just have to have it out, though, and they definitely had a lot to talk about.

Alina stepped up to a sink in a daze and began to fumble around for a towel to blot out the _kvass_ that still stained her sleeve.

"I will rearrange her face. Permanently. Just say the word, Alina," Genya muttered next to her. Alina realized she wasn't the only one to hear Zoya's scornful words, but the Tailor didn't sound surprised. She wondered how far around the palace Zoya's poison had spread, but perhaps it was just the fact that Genya was well-versed in court politics and rivalries.

Alina's smile and the laugh that followed probably wasn't fooling anyone, but she felt like she had to try. As she dabbed at the spot on her sleeve, she said, "Don't bother, Genya. She's just jealous."

"Yes, yes she is." Genya glowered. "So don't listen to her." 

"I won't. I'm just going to say farewell to Nikolai until tomorrow and go get some air back in my rooms." Despite her calm words, tears pricked at her eyes as she turned away and walked back towards the reception room. What was wrong with her? Her emotions seemed all over the place, but she couldn't lose her temper or burst into tears in the middle of a diplomatic event. That would give Zoya exactly what she wanted, and Alina didn't want to look deranged or weak. Luckily, she was able to contain herself by the time she reached Nikolai. 

Genya had already peeled off from her side with a quick hand squeeze. Her friend seemed to be avoiding the Ravkan king, which was probably for the best, and Aleksander stood a short distance away conversing with Ivan and one of the Ravkan generals. Alina tapped Nikolai on the shoulder, not wanting to startle him or end up covered in more _kvass_. When he turned, he looked at her closely and frowned. 

"Is everything alright, Alina?" he asked.

She waved away his concern. "Everything is fine," she said airily. "I just have a small headache. I think I'll be saying goodbye for now, but feel free to have David show you to your guest rooms. He'd love the opportunity to talk to you about...repeating rifles, was it?"

Nikolai nodded. "Of course. I hope you feel better soon.” He smiled his charming politician’s smile. “We have a lot to talk about."

"We do," she agreed, forcing herself to return his smile. Turning to Aleksander, she noticed him dismissing Ivan and the Ravkan general with his usual ease. 

He took in her expression when she stepped closer, his eyebrows drawing together. "Are you well?"

"Not really," Alina admitted before giving him an abbreviated excuse. "Headache. I'm going back to our rooms."

"Then I will come with you, " he said smoothly, and to Alina's chagrin he took her arm in his and worked his way out of the reception room. Courtiers bowed and curtseyed, clearing a path as the two walked by. She couldn't help but wonder how many of them truly believed she deserved the gesture or if they were mocking her. She knew it was pure paranoia on her part, but she had never felt like people should make obeisances to her, and Zoya's words had only confirmed that feeling. 

Aleksander was quiet as they walked towards their quarters. What else was new, Alina thought bitterly to herself, and she maintained her own silence with perverse determination.

The tension sat thick in the air when he finally spoke. "Are you sure you are well?" he asked in a low tone. "You seem distraught."

She knew it was unfair, but she merely shrugged and didn’t say anything. Letting her anger and fear spill out in the middle of a hallway lined with palace guards seemed unthinkable, but she didn't know if she would be able to hold in her emotions for much longer. All she really wanted to do was to hit something or someone while she yelled or cried. One of the two. Maybe both. The last thing she wanted was to have Aleksander prying. 

Stop it, she thought to herself as Zoya's words ran through her mind for the hundredth time. But maybe there was a grain of truth to what the other woman had said. Perhaps that was why it hurt so much. 

Maybe everyone could tell that she and Aleksander weren't bonding as much as she thought they should now that they were running a kingdom together. Did he just enjoy the thrill of the chase, and he was growing bored now that he had her? Or did he think she had nothing to offer beyond the physical and that was why they never talked? The thought made her tremble with unhappiness and growing anger.

When they finally arrived at their rooms, she was simmering with repressed emotions. A footman pulled the door open and shut it behind them just as quickly as if he sensed the coming storm. Late-afternoon sunlight poured through a large window in the room, which was sparsely decorated with bookshelves, a few couches, and a piano placed along one wall that Alina had taken into her head to learn how to play. She kicked off her shoes with a little more force than necessary and buried her feet in the plush red and gold rug that covered the floor, trying to push away the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her by scrunching her toes in the rug’s deep pile.

Aleksander took a seat on a grey velvet couch facing her. He seemed to be observing her body language and her face, and at that moment she hated that he could probably read her emotions better than she could. It was hard not to pace around the room, and Alina busied herself with rearranging some lilies that sat in a vase on top of the piano. Her hands shook as she moved the flowers around mindlessly, snarling the stems. Finally, she threw her hands up in frustration and let out a low curse. 

Aleksander cleared his throat. "There is something wrong," he said. His voice took on a tinge of amusement. "Stop taking it out on those defenseless flowers and tell me what it is."

Where usually she would have treasured his attempt at levity, the words made her even more irritated for some reason. "Oh, so _now_ you want to talk to me," she snapped.

Aleksander looked slightly taken aback at her forceful tone. "Now seems as if it would be a good time for you to get whatever is bothering you off your chest. So yes," he said, raising his eyebrows as his tone cooled, "I do wish to talk with you. It is a delicate time diplomatically, but if whatever this is cannot wait, then it cannot wait.” He paused. “You said you have a headache?"

Alina gave a sharp shrug of her shoulders. "Not really. I just needed some air away from that Saints-forsaken reception.”

"Really." Aleksander sounded patently disbelieving. "Alina. What is wrong?”

Without warning, she felt the scraps of shame and jealousy surrounding what felt like a failing relationship transform into fury. "It's everything, Aleksander. Everything. The fact that you don't talk to me, that we have nothing in common beyond being good in bed together--that you don't trust me with yourself and your past. Or even what you want now or especially what you want in the future."

She began to pace about the room. “Nothing has been the same since I brought you back. And I need to know what’s wrong between us. Whatever it is, you had better just tell me, because I can't go on like this.” 

She realized she was in danger of saying things that she might not be able to take back, but the stopper had come off the container holding in her emotions, and the words seemed to flow out of her in a stream.

"I don't know what you think and I don't know what you feel about me or about anything," she continued. "All I know is that you aren't satisfied with the kingdom I've built. And maybe you aren't satisfied with me, either. But I don't know because _you won't talk to me_."

Her heart sank as she stopped to draw breath. With every word, Aleksander seemed to be growing colder and more distant, his face going as impassive and unreadable as she'd ever seen it.

"This is what you think of us. Of me," he said calmly. Too calmly. "Had I known you were so unhappy, I would not have come to you or asked so much of you in bed or otherwise."

"I'm _not_ unhappy," Alina protested, tears starting in her eyes. She knew she sounded completely contradictory, yet she couldn't seem to stop herself from continuing. "And I know there's a huge age difference between us. A ridiculously huge age difference," she pointed out, "but all I know is that I love you, and I don't know if you'll ever feel that way about me. You clearly don't want to marry me, and maybe you’re just tired of me or you think I'm not good enough somehow." 

She knew she was parroting back Zoya's words, but they had cut to the bone. 

"I just need to know that you feel something for me," she finished, her voice dropping to a whisper.

But Aleksander was quiet and seemed in no hurry at all to start talking let alone to bare his soul to her. He sat stiffly on the couch and said nothing for what felt like an eternity. 

Alina crossed and uncrossed her arms several times and tried to blink back the tears that were slowly beginning to trickle down her face. It seemed supremely unfair that she was so distraught while he just seemed to grow calmer and more in control of his emotions than ever. But that was the problem, wasn't it? He was so in control that she had no idea what--if anything--lurked below the surface. 

Finally, when she felt like she was about to scream to fill the silence, she shook her head and started to walk away. She had meant to stand her ground and face him, but her feet led her to their bedroom door. The room pulled her forward, perhaps because it was the one place they actually spent time together beyond the brief meetings in his office. She did her best not to slam the door behind her, not wanting to seem like a sulking teenager, but it was a close thing.

After facing the wall and clenching and unclenching her fists for several moments, she turned back and found Aleksander standing in the entryway. She jumped slightly, but he didn't apologize for startling her.

They stared at each other for a long moment. So, he hadn't left in the face of her frustration and complaints. That was something, she supposed.

"What do you want, Alina?" he asked finally.

"What do I want? I want you," she said plaintively.

"You have me," he said, his voice flat.

She shook her head. "Not the way I _want_ to have you." 

Aleksander took in her words, then he blew out a slow breath. After a long moment he spoke. "I am not good at this, Alina."

"At what?"

He spread his hands. "At this. At relationships. I have never had a long-term one that did not end in the other party running for their life or dying by my hand."

Alina would have thought he was joking, except she knew about the sad story of Natalya and how that had ended in her death. And maybe there had been others he had cared for that she didn’t even know about.

"I know you believe all kinds of things like 'wanting makes us weak,' and who knows what else you've learned throughout your life," she said quietly. "But I want to know you. I want to be close to you."

Aleksander watched her face as he said tersely, "That will be difficult for me."

"Nobody ever said relationships were easy," she pointed out.

He crossed his arms. "And you speak from so much experience?"

Alina crossed her own arms in return. "You may be my first in a lot of ways, Aleksander Morozova, but I have common sense. And I have eyes. I've seen other couples--happy couples like Genya and David."

"Alina..." He paused as if searching for words. "Nobody knows me as you do." 

She stared at him, disbelieving. "How can that be true? I don't know _anything_ about you."

He paused for a long moment again. Finally, he spoke slowly and with what could only be hurt in his voice. "Does the fact that I have told you my true name mean nothing to you? Or the other ways I have let you become close to me in these past months?" He glanced away. "I have never shared so much with another person--about what I like or what interests me. About who I am. I have only ever shared those things with you."

When he put it like that, it did seem like he had been trying. She flushed, uncomfortable at the thought that maybe she had expected too much too soon. "Could you just try to let me know you? Could you try a little harder to show me what you feel and tell me what you think?"

He nodded. "I will try. It is not easy for me. I have lived my entire life hiding such things. I had to in order to survive. Sharing parts of myself in that way...” He trailed off. “It will take time for me to become comfortable doing so."

Alina felt herself softening at the admission. "Luckily, we have lots of time," she said.

His lips quirked up in a small smile at that. "More time than you can imagine." 

"I'm not wrong, though. You have been different since I brought you back. Are you afraid of me or something?"

Aleksander looked startled. "Afraid? No. But as I mentioned before, my death unnerved me. I cannot help thinking of how fragile life is. How much I would have to lose if I grew closer to you."

Alina thought about that for a moment. "I can understand that," she said thoughtfully.

"Good. It is not you, Alina, I can assure you. I believe those thoughts and feelings will fade in time." He stepped toward her slowly, and when he reached her, he ran his hands up and down her arms gently. "Now, where did this come from? Why are you asking me this now?"

She looked down at her feet and mumbled, "I overheard some gossip."

"You overheard gossip," he repeated, arching an eyebrow.

"It was some very nasty gossip," she said defensively. "And it just reinforced things I was already worried about. Don't try to make it sound like I'm crazy. You know things between us haven't been perfect the last few months."

"Alina, we are establishing a kingdom,” he said dryly. “I was not expecting 'perfect' for quite some time."

She held her breath for a moment, then let it out in a rush, saying, "I don't think I'm cut out to be queen."

He frowned, pulling her close. "You are doing a fine job as queen. Do not doubt it. It may not be something you have worked towards as I have, but you are doing exceptionally well at it."

"It doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm going to do something wrong and accidentally burn the palace down around me."

He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "That is extremely unlikely," he said with the hint of a smile in his voice. "And that is what Squallers are for."

"And..." She shifted her weight on her feet, unsure if she should continue. "It doesn't help that we aren’t married. It puts me in an awkward position for us to not be legitimate in the eyes of the church.” 

"The church," Aleksander scoffed.

"Yes, the church," she said firmly. "I don't care about the Saints and I don't care about a wedding, not really. But people expect things of their rulers, and there are...I don't know... _protocols_ to follow."

"Hm. It bears thinking on," he mused.

She made a grumbling sound. "You always say that when you're deflecting."

Aleksander smiled wryly at that. "You see? You are getting to know me."

Alina refused to let him change the subject or lighten the mood. "Besides, it's hard to watch women practically throwing themselves at you and feeling like I don't have a real claim on you."

He looked bemused. "Who is 'throwing themselves' at me?"

"Zoya, for one," Alina pointed out. 

His expression went carefully still. 

There. She had said it. And she wanted to know just as much as she desperately didn't want to know whether or not there had been something between them before she had arrived at the Little Palace. Why else would Zoya be so hateful toward her?

"Zoya means nothing to me," Aleksander said in his coolest, most dismissive voice. That alone made her more certain than ever that he had indeed had some kind of relationship with her. Alina knew she had his heart--or at least parts of him that nobody else did--but that didn't make it hurt any less. 

"So, you were with her at one point," she asked, her voice wobbling once more. Why had she asked this of him, she wondered. "Was it serious?"

"Alina," Aleksander said, stepping back as he raised his hands and ran them through his hair, showing his frustration for the first time. "That was before I met you. That was before I even knew you existed." 

She knew she was being unfair. "I know, I know," she said bitterly. "Sometimes I just wish you didn't have quite so much experience with the world."

He frowned. "I thought you preferred being with someone who was experienced. That is what you said in the past."

"I did! I do. It's just...I worry that I don't measure up and that you'll grow tired of me," she mumbled.

He laughed at that. "You are just unpredictable enough that I will never grow tired of you." He stepped close to her again. "You are my balance, Alina," he said quietly. "There is nobody else like you. You do not know how long I have waited for you."

Alina bit her lip, squinting up at him. "It's really not just about power for you?"

A rueful smile brushed his lips. "I will not deny that power motivates me. But no, it is not just about that."

"And you really don't want anyone else?"

"You are a trial," he groaned. "And no. I do not care about Zoya. I do not care about any of the other women I have been with over the centuries." He looked out the window at the last beams of sunshine flowing into the room, not meeting her eyes. His voice dropped and faltered. "I love you, Alina Starkov. Even if I do not seem to show it. I do love you."

Alina held her breath as she took in his words. This was more than she could have hoped for--more than she thought he could give. Her heart filled with a surge of happiness. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around him, and after a moment, he slowly lifted his arms and wrapped them around her in exchange. They stayed that way for a long moment. 

"Thank you," she whispered. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that."

"I can only change my nature so much," he warned.

"I know. And I'll be patient. Whatever you can give, I'll happily take it." She tucked her head against his shoulder. "I love you," she sighed.

He held her close and kissed the top of her head. This time, his silence didn't bother her as much.

After a while, Alina pulled back and looked up at his face. "You asked me what I want," she began. "What is it that _you_ want?"

He sighed. "What do I want? I want what I have always wanted--for the Grisha to thrive. To make our enemies pay for what they have taken and for what we have lost. But I find that I want things for myself, as well." He looked at her closely. "I find that I have become greedy, Alina. I want everything. I want to have all of the things I have denied myself throughout the years. All of the things I felt I could never have, now I want to have them with you." 

All she could say in return was a small, "Oh." She was surprised he was being so open, but that had been what she had asked him for, so she accepted it gratefully. Turning the idea over and over in her mind, she came to a decision and pushed her worries to the side once and for all.

"I'm late," she whispered.

He looked confused for a moment. Then understanding dawned over his face before it shuttered into complete stillness.

"Hey," she said, pushing at his chest lightly with her hands and giving him a tremulous smile. "Quit that." She reached up and took his face in her hands. "Now would be the perfect time to practice telling me what you're feeling."

"When will you know for sure?" he asked, his voice gravelly with some unnamed emotion.

"If I'm pregnant? Iliana thinks it should be within the next few weeks. It's driving me crazy, but we'll know soon enough." She paused. "Are you happy?"

"I don't know," he said, his face still closed off. 

She tried to appreciate that he was being honest with her, but his tepid reaction still filled her with disappointment. "Are you worried then? Angry?"

"I am certainly not angry," he said, squeezing her shoulders lightly before looking out the window once more. He took a deep breath. "What if the child is not Grisha?"

Alina felt a stab of irritation at that. "Does it matter?"

"Does it matter if I will watch my child die after having lived for the blink of an eye? For them to not understand me and for me to not understand them?" His voice became as agitated as she had ever heard it. "Yes, Alina. It matters."

“Not the way you’re thinking of it,” she insisted. She couldn’t help but remember Vasya’s words--how the girl had hoped against hope that she would one day become the Grisha daughter she assumed her parents wanted her to be. It filled Alina with sadness, but she pushed the feeling away. "If I am actually pregnant, you're going to love this child just as much as I will. It won't matter if they're Grisha or not. You'll see. There are more important things than power and a long life."

Aleksander nodded slightly, although the wrinkle between his brows didn't disappear as she wished it would.

His next words were so quiet she would have missed them if she wasn't standing so close to him. "I did not have a father growing up. I fear I will not know how to be a good one."

She hugged him tightly then. "You think that doesn't worry me as well? I'm an orphan who can't trust anyone, and you are the most emotionally-repressed and power-hungry man I've ever met. Odds are that we would be terrible parents. But I don't think that's how it would be." 

She couldn’t help but give in to her curiosity about his past. "What was it like growing up with Baghra for a mother?" she asked.

Aleksander looked out the window "She taught me many things, such as that you put yourself and your family above everyone and everything else in the world. You sacrifice the lives of anyone if it will be of use to you, and you destroy your enemies and salt the earth behind you." 

He took in Alina's horrified expression. "Perhaps my mother would not be the ideal person to take parenting advice from," he remarked with a touch of amusement. 

"You do realize that if this is happening then we would have to tell her soon, right?" Alina asked.

"I am sure she will be filled with advice and helpful ideas," he said with mock-seriousness.

Alina shuddered at the thought of Baghra as the doting grandmother taking Alina under her wing. "I think it's more likely that she's going to hit me with her stick and will think I'm doing absolutely everything wrong...If it's possible for her to think that even more than she already does."

"We will have to be a united front against her. Then perhaps we will look as if we know what we are doing."

"Good idea," she said as she smiled at him. Then her face turned serious. "I want us to be united. To be a family. That's another reason it would be better if we were married. I know it's a lot to ask, and that it's a big commitment..." She trailed off, not sure how much to push the issue. 

Aleksander cupped her chin in his hand, looking down at her. "Alina. When the time is right, we will marry. I promise." He looked into her eyes, which had begun to glow with happiness. "I realize that you would have it be sooner rather than later, but I do not wish to rush such an important event. Can you wait?" he asked.

"I suppose," she nodded, reaching up to cup his hand where it rested against her cheek. "And Aleksander. Don't worry about what you had before. With Natalya things were different. _You_ were different. What happened with her isn't going to happen with us."

"Will it not?" he asked, his voice unsure once more.

"Not if we actually talk to each other, it won't."

"Then I will be an open book for you. As far as I can be."

Alina smiled and turned her face to kiss his palm. "I do have a question for you, though. Why did you lie about your name? To Nikolai. And where on earth did 'Eryk' even come from?"

"I lied because my mother taught me that one should hold close the things that matter most. My name is one of those things. No one else knows what it is. Only you and she." He returned his hands to his sides. "Eryk is different. That name comes from a time when it was dangerous to show my nature, and so I pretended to be weaker than I truly was. I learned many important lessons about hiding strength until absolutely necessary when I was Eryk" He paused. "And he had to call me something. 'King Darkling' sounded ridiculous."

Alina laughed. "That's true. How have you gotten along for the last few months without running into that problem?"

"Everyone seems quite eager to call me 'your highness' or 'your majesty' rather than calling me by name. It has proven to be very convenient for all concerned," he said dryly.

Alina laughed and drew him close to her, kissing him hard on the mouth. 

"What was that for?" he asked when she finally pulled away.

"For making me laugh and for being so open with me." She looked up at him with a devilish smile. "I promise to always reward you for your honesty."

"Just as I promise to reward you for your adventurousness." He grabbed her by the waist and drew her towards the bed. 

Alina gave a small squeal of surprise as he pushed her onto it, but she pulled him down on top of her as she fell. 

And just like that, the conversation was put to rest. Instead, the room was filled with sighs and sounds that spoke of just how much happiness had blossomed between the two of them. She had all she could ever want, and Alina hoped the feeling and the moment would never end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One long-ass chapter of politics and foreshadowing coming up...

Despite the care Aleksander lavished on her that night, dark dreams once more returned to pull Alina downwards into a riot of horrors. His death and the creation of the Green Sea intertwined again and again in her mind, and when she awoke the next morning, she dreaded even looking out her window to see a verdant earth that with every glance made her recall Aleksander's destruction.

Still, there was no getting around looking at it since the ball that evening would be held outdoors specifically to celebrate the eerie beauty and power of the Sea. For the first time, Alina wished that Genya hadn't had the idea or put so much work into the celebration, but it was far too late to call it off or try to change the venue in any way. At least it would be dark, she thought.

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes and drank back the last of a glass of tea as she sat in her dining room following breakfast. It was almost time to meet with Tolya and Tamar about the security for the evening, so she shoved her misgivings into the back of her mind as she had become so used to doing. At this rate, she was going to worry herself into an early grave, she thought grimly.

Alina lifted her head at the sound of a knock at the door, and the captains of her personal guard entered. The twins were two of Alina's most ardent supporters--they always had been, and she was terribly grateful for that. Tamar sat directly across from Alina and Tolya sat next to his sister.

"How are you both?" Alina asked, smiling.

Tamar shrugged. "Well enough." Tolya nodded his agreement.

"Anything unexpected with the Ravkan delegation?"

Tamar's mouth quirked up in a wry smile. "Nothing beyond a few of them sneaking around to meet up for assignations with each other...and a general who claimed he was lost on his way back from the kitchens. We're keeping a closer eye on him, but he seemed to be trying to find a certain Squaller's room."

Alina arched a brow. "Zoya Nazyalensky?"

"That's her. He was trying to hang onto her at the reception yesterday after you left. She gave him a tongue-lashing when he woke her up, though. We could all hear it." Tamar whistled. "You don't want to mess with her. She can be as cruel as Baghra."

Alina made a face. "I think I'd take Baghra over Zoya any day."

Tamar nodded. "Can't say I blame you."

"She's not so bad," Tolya remarked in one of the rare moments he disagreed with his twin.

The two women eyed him.

"She is a good fighter," he protested. "We need good fighters." 

Tamar rolled her eyes. "I guess I don't care if she's unpleasant as long as she can take down anyone threatening the kingdom."

Alina frowned at that. "Do you get the sense we have anything to worry about on that score?"

"You would have to ask your generals," Tamar replied.

"I'm asking you. I trust your opinion more than theirs."

The Heartrender made a thoughtful noise. "There will always be those testing our defenses. You're leading a young nation, and they'll be looking for any sign of weakness. It wouldn't be a bad idea to form an alliance of your own with someone who acknowledges the Grisha."

"You mean Nikolai Lantsov," Alina stated. "You know him far better than I do. Can we trust him?"

Tolya spoke up again at that. "He is a good man. And he always treated us with respect." 

Tamar nodded. "Better him than relying on those who hunted Grisha not so long ago."

Alina considered the idea. "I want to help the Ravkans to make sure they all survive this winter, and I'm meeting with Nikolai after we're done here. Maybe we can form a partnership while he's here." She sighed as she remembered the decision wasn't hers alone. "And hopefully your king will feel the same way we do. Either way, I assume Nikolai is going to want to say hello to the two of you at some point while he's here. Feel free to tell him that I'm sincere in wanting to help."

"We'll do that," Tamar said. "Tolya will keep an eye on things at the party tonight."

'Where will you be?" Alina asked, curious at the thought that Tamar would hand over her duties to her brother.

Tamar flushed as she met Alina's eyes. "Nadia was hoping I could accompany her tonight. If that’s alright with you."

Alina blinked. "Nadia Zhabin?"

Tamar couldn't seem to hold in a smile. "We have grown...close over the last few months."

"Of course you should go, Tamar," Alina exclaimed. "I'm sure Tolya has things well in hand." 

The big man nodded, looking determined.

"Well, that's it unless you have anything more for us," Tamar said. "We should double-check the guard rotations before the Fjerdan and the Shu Han groups get here."

"Thank you," Alina said. "I couldn't do this without you both." It was true. She felt immeasurably better and was sure that nothing would go wrong with the twins in charge.

As the siblings took their leave, Genya stuck her head around the open doorframe.

"Are you planning to meet with Nikolai Lantsov? Because I just heard from his counselor that he thinks a meeting will be happening within the next few hours." 

Alina blew out a nervous breath. "Yes, I'm going to meet with him. We need to talk, and hopefully we'll be agreeing on us sending aid to Ravka." 

Genya raised her eyebrows expectantly. "And what will they be giving us in return?" 

Alina scowled. "Please try not to sound like your king."

Genya tapped her fingers on the wooden frame. "He has a point, Alina. It's a good opportunity to establish some kind of exchange, and now is the time to set the tone for how we're going to interact with these other nations. You can't afford to be timid or a pushover."

"Fine, fine. I'll keep that in mind." Alina tried to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"You love me," the Tailor said playfully.

Alina gave a short laugh at that. "I _do_ love you, Genya. You're good at this--much better at it than me."

"Don't sell yourself short. Just remember you want to put your own people first."

Nodding, Alina stood. "I'll meet Nikolai in the gardens. I don't want this meeting to seem too formal or like anything we say is set in stone."

"Because you don't exactly have the king's blessing on this?" Genya asked.

"Exactly."

The Tailor winced. "Good luck, then. I wouldn't want to be the one stuck between the two of them. I'll go let Lantsov's people know where he should meet you."

Alina waited until Genya had left, then she straightened her _kefta_ and made her way out of her rooms and down the hall to the entrance to the gardens. As she walked, she thought about the awkward position she was in. She didn't want to base any help for Ravka on what they could do for her. That didn't seem like the kind of thing a decent person would do. But everyone else seemed to think something for nothing would be a mistake. Aleksander wouldn't want her to promise Nikolai anything, but she was determined to help in some way.

The sun shone down as it always did, and the unsettling birds flew in flocks through the air.

"Is that really what happened to the volcra?" a voice asked behind her.

Alina turned her head over her shoulder, finding Nikolai gazing out at the vibrant Sea beyond the manicured gardens.

"Nikolai," she said by way of greeting him. "I hope you slept well."

"Like the dead."

Alina smiled slightly before turning back to the vista before them. "And yes, that is exactly what happened to the volcra."

"Couldn't you have just killed them?" he asked with some curiosity. 

"I didn't want to," she admitted. 

"Well, I suppose transforming them into birds and beasts would be better than the alternative, then." Nikolai stepped forward to join Alina, and they began to stroll together around the shrubs and fragrant flowers.

"Let's not waste time, Nikolai," she began after a moment, nervous but determined. "You need help, and I want to give it to you."

He made a show of looking around. "I don't see your other half around here, though. Is bailing us out something you're both willing to do?" 

Alina grimaced. "He might need some convincing. He wants something a little more...tangible than goodwill between our countries."

Nikolai nodded. "Ah. Can't say I blame him. I would ask for the same if our positions were reversed. So, what do you want?"

"What do you need?" she asked, lobbing the ball back into Nikolai's court to give herself more time to think over his half of the transaction.

He eyed her as if he knew exactly what she was doing. "To be blunt, we need food and a lot of it. I don't want our people eating their horses and their dairy cows or whatever else they can find to stay alive."

Alina blinked. "You're not there yet, are you?"

"Not yet, but it will be getting to that point very soon."

"Well, we have plenty of food. Everything growing in the Green Sea could supply enough for both of us."

"We'll take it," Nikolai said. "What would you ask for in exchange, though?"

Alina shrugged, unsure what to say. "Can't you just owe us a favor and pay up whenever we ask for it?"

Nikolai frowned. "That's not really how negotiations like this work, Alina. We could offer military assistance whenever you may need it, though. The First Army is still a powerful force. It would make all the other nations think twice before testing your defenses."

Alina nodded. "That sounds fair."

"I'm glad to hear it," Nikolai said, a true smile lighting up his eyes for the first time since she'd seen him arrive. His smile faded a moment later. "It's not up to you alone, though, is it?" he stated. 

Alina reached out and touched a nearby rose, stroking its pink petals that felt like velvet against her fingertips. "He'll come around. I'll try to talk to him as soon as the ball is over tonight. We'll have everything hammered out before you leave for Os Alta."

"That would be ideal." Nikolai paused. "I'm a little jealous of the man. You are making a formidable queen. Just think what we could have done for Ravka together." He smiled roguishly. "No regrets about not marrying me? Surely you must have a few. I'm quite a catch."

Alina laughed, but she was glad Aleksander wasn't there to hear Nikolai's words. She'd never particularly felt like sharing with him that Nikolai had proposed to her during her captivity in the Ravkan camp before the Battle of Kribirsk. "I hope this doesn't bruise your ego, but I don't have a single regret."

Nikolai sighed dramatically. "Somehow I will survive." His face became serious. "And I'm happy to hear you're willing to help us. The people will adore you for it. _I_ adore you for it."

"I’ll just be happy if we can help," Alina said, and she felt a warm glow fill her. Her kingdom was one step closer to an alliance of its own. Maybe she wasn't as bad at this as she thought and she should give herself more credit.

She turned back towards the palace. "We should probably be getting back. The Fjerdans and the Shu Han will be here soon."

"I suppose I should go make myself pretty for the ball," Nikolai mused.

Alina laughed. "You're already far too pretty as it is, Nikolai."

"That's true. It's probably best if I don't go overboard. Wouldn't want to have everyone fainting at my feet."

Alina rolled her eyes. It felt good to banter with the Ravkan king as if they were friends. And maybe they _were_ becoming friends. She hoped so, anyway.

Nikolai and Alina parted ways as they entered the door to the palace, and she began to mentally ready herself for the diplomatic hurdles of the next several hours. She was more than ready for everything to be over and to have her palace and Aleksander all to herself again--particularly now that they had more of an understanding between them. It was important to make connections, though. She knew that, and readied herself mentally to be the queen she was supposed to be.

\-------------------------

Just as expected, the afternoon with the Shu and Fjerdan emissaries passed in a haze of conversation and toasts. Alina wondered what they could possibly have to do at the ball that night that they weren't doing already, but she was excited to see what Genya had put together. 

Back in her rooms, several ladies in waiting whom Alina was still getting to know helped her get dressed. She always felt awkward about such things, but it was one more way to maintain a queenly appearance according to Genya. And she definitely appreciated the assistance since getting into the dress was a production in itself. 

The bodice was gold satin that laced up the back like a corset, lifting her breasts and displaying more skin than she was used to from the low cut of the neckline. A light scattering of topaz gems were scattered over the full tulle skirt, and they winked in the candlelight like miniature stars in a tiny galaxy. The entire dress making her seem to glow and sparkle while squeezing her torso to within an inch of her life. Personally, she thought it was a bit much, but Genya had been adamant when they'd seen the dresses on offer from the seamstresses, saying that it was "the one." 

"You'll be lucky if you make it out of the bedroom wearing that let alone onto the dance floor," the Tailor had said approvingly.

"Genya!" Alina exclaimed.

"What? It's true. You'll be radiant. Literally. And that's just what our queen should be."

"You don't think a _kefta_ would do just as well?"

Genya snorted. "Live a little, Alina. Enjoy the pretty things for once."

Alina had sighed and given in, more than a little curious if Aleksander really would like it as much as she and her friend did. 

Now, she was adjusting her golden ear cuffs and contemplating herself in the dressing table mirror. A flash of movement caught her eye, and she looked up to see Aleksander's reflection. She caught her breath as she gazed at him, feeling the usual swell of emotion fill her at the sight. He looked wonderful dressed in his black silk _kefta_ , the stark simplicity setting him apart as it always did in a way more powerful than any ostentatious clothing or a gaudy crown would have done. 

He didn't greet her, but merely moved to stand behind her. He reached a hand up and ran his fingers gently from the nape of her neck down the corseted back of the gown. The gesture felt far too good, and she had to suppress a shiver of desire.

He began to run both of his hands down her bare arms from shoulder to wrist, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his eyes filled with a dark light. "You look like something out of one of the fairytales I heard as a child."

Alina blushed, feeling as if his fingers blazed trails of fire along her skin. "I'm glad you approve."

He gripped her hips and pulled her backwards to rest against his body as he began to inch his hands slowly up the gown's bodice from her waist towards her breasts. "Oh, I do. However, as much as I am enjoying your new dress, I believe I would much prefer to see it on the floor." 

Alina slapped playfully at his hands, saying reluctantly, "We have to go." But he held fast to her for a moment, and she could feel a small smile shaping his lips when he laid a kiss at the juncture of her shoulder and her neck. His lips parted, and his tongue flicked out lightly to taste her. He gave a low sound of appreciation when she shuddered against him. She couldn't help herself.

"I will look forward to taking care of this later, then," he said softly, laying a final kiss on her neck and giving a gentle tug on the laces that ran up her back. 

"I'm looking forward to it," she said, and she felt a slow smile spreading across her face at the thought.

Arm in arm, the two made their way down the hallway, flanked by guards until they reached an entrance to the gardens. When they entered, Alina could see lanterns hanging from the branches of trees and several also attached to long poles stuck into the ground. They lit the gardens with a merry glow, giving the celebration the air of a festival rather than a formal court event. The air carried the smell of the roses and flowers in bloom, and she could feel the currents of excitement from a crowd of people who milled around drinking and talking. A few had even started dancing to the sweet strains of a pair of violinists.

All of the guests were arrayed in silks, satins, and velvets as each tried to outdo the others. Alina could see Genya next to one of the garden entrances. Her friend was instantly recognizable by her red hair gleaming in the lamp light. She also wore a dress rather than a _kefta_. It was made of shimmering silver fabric that clung to her perfect hourglass shape. David stood next to her, looking for all the world as if he had swallowed his tongue as he gazed at her with the same rapt attention he usually saved for his inventions. Alina couldn't blame him. Genya was a force to be reckoned with.

Tables off to the side groaned under the weight of platters of food and drink. Beyond those, she could barely make out a row of guards who stood at attention, hidden in the shadows under the trees. Tolya and Tamar had posted the men and women at intervals around the edges of the gardens. They were ready to step forward if need be, but Alina couldn't imagine anything going wrong. She expected this to be a harmless evening with entertainment and some subtle political wrangling taking place. 

An excited murmur swept through the crowd as the guests realized their hosts had arrived. The violins wrapped up their song at a signal from Genya, and Alina stepped forward into the sudden silence. Her palms were sweating a little, but she felt confident that she knew what to say to put everyone at ease.

She took a breath and raised her voice. "Thank you for coming," she began. "Tonight, we celebrate with friends both old and new. I hope that my people will welcome all those visiting from Ravka, Fjerda, and the Shu Empire. And even more than that, I hope that we can strengthen the peace between our nations that we've all longed for. Now please, enjoy this beautiful evening."

As if to punctuate her words, a light breeze sprang up and she could see people sighing as the lush scents of the gardens swirled through the air. The lights in the lanterns twinkled, and Alina felt Aleksander step forward to stand at her side once more now that she had finished.

"The peace we all long for?" he murmured in her ear with a slight edge to his voice that only she would be able to detect.

"The peace everyone _else_ longs for," she said, smiling so that nobody would guess he had said anything other than a charming compliment.

"If you think the Fjerdans or the Shu are longing for this peace of yours, I can tell you that you are sadly mistaken. And do not forget that Ravka would likely wish to take all of this for themselves if they could." 

Alina gritted her teeth. "Let's talk about it later," she said. But she couldn't resist adding, "And you're wrong."

Aleksander took her hand in his, raised it to his mouth, and brushed his lips lightly along the back of it. "You will agree with me soon enough."

Alina huffed. It was supremely irritating that he always had to have the last word.

She looked around at the people who had returned to their chatter. The violinists began to play a Ravkan fiddle tune, and several people formed lines to dance to the lively music. Alina felt her toes tapping and wondered if she could persuade Aleksander to swing her around with the others. Did he even know how to dance? That was one more thing she could add to the growing list of questions she had for him.

The Fjerdan and Shu ambassadors approached, one a tall woman with white-blonde hair and the other a trifle shorter whose black hair was swept back in elaborate braids.

"Ambassador Asedotter, Ambassador Zhao. Are you enjoying yourselves?" Alina asked. She was determined to shake off Aleksander's words and act the diplomat. Surely these people wanted peace just as much as she did. Why else would they be here?

"Your majesty," Asedotter replied. "It is truly a wonder that it feels as if it were high summer here."

Ambassador Zhao spoke up, "I understand you have begun to farm the land of your Green Sea."

Alina nodded. "A good number of those who moved here are experimenting with harvests and planting their crops. So far everything has been growing like mad."

The ambassadors shared a look before Ambassador Asedotter began, "This winter has been a hard one, as you know, although it has not touched your kingdom at all." She paused. "We need assistance, and we would be willing to trade what we can in exchange for your supplies."

Alina opened her mouth to tell them that of course they would do whatever was necessary, but before she could, Nikolai appeared at her side and inserted himself into their circle.

"I hope I haven't missed anything," he said with a smile that Alina could almost believe was genuine. "It's good to see you all again. Don't let me interrupt you."

Alina wondered what the man was up to. Probably checking in on the competition and making sure they didn't get a leg up on Ravka.

Asedotter returned Nikolai's smile, but hers was a few degrees chillier. "We were just discussing the possibility of aid to our nations."

"Ah. Saints know we could also use the assistance, ourselves," Nikolai said with an innocence that made Alina realize just how good of an actor he was.

Aleksander's voice was calm but unyielding as he interjected, " _If_ we were to provide aid, we would discuss later what we would expect in exchange. But know that we will be putting the needs of our own people before any other claims."

Alina sighed inwardly. That was just the answer Genya would have wanted Alina herself to give. She exchanged a subtle glance with Nikolai. Aleksander wasn't giving anything away on whether he would welcome the alliance she had forged with Ravka. Hopefully, he wouldn't dismiss her efforts out of turn.

Wanting to dispel the tension that had settled over the group, she said warmly, "We can talk more later. Please help yourselves to something to drink." She linked her arm through Aleksander's and pulled him slightly away from the group. The ambassadors and Nikolai followed a few paces behind.

"You are not helping me make friends here," she said low enough for only Aleksander to hear.

"They are not friends," he warned. "They may appear to be seagulls wanting our table scraps, but they would descend on us like vultures at the first sign of weakness."

Alina harrumphed. "We'll see."

"Yes. You will."

Saints, the man was insufferable. Alina didn't care that he had more life experience in his little finger than she did. He didn't have experience with hope and with seeing the best in people. That was her job. It made them a formidable pair, but it also made decision-making and agreement on important issues difficult.

As if she had anticipated Alina's decision to move the group there, Zoya Nazyalensky approached the table as well. The Squaller picked up a glass of champagne and turned the full force of her beauty on the group of delegates. Her smile grew as she took in Nikolai, and his eyes lit up in turn. 

Alina groaned inwardly. Why did men have to have this reaction to someone like Zoya who had only ever been horrible to anyone who couldn't help her get ahead?

"Someone as beautiful as yourself shouldn't have to drink alone," Nikolai said with a charming smile.

Alina tried not to roll her eyes at the line and almost succeeded.

Zoya gave a seductive laugh as if she knew exactly the role she needed to play to capture his attention. "I would be happy to enjoy your company, your highness. If you are offering, that is."

She began to talk comfortably with the other ambassadors as well, irritating Alina even further. It stung that Zoya seemed better-suited to the life of a queen than she did. Alina was still furious about the encounter she'd had with Zoya only the night before. As if sensing her emotions, Aleksander took her hand in his and pulled her gently away to stand closer to the table.

"Would it really be so bad to have a Grisha in a position of power at the Ravkan court?" he murmured in her ear. 

Alina tried to hide her scowl. "No...But why her?"

"Because Zoya knows how to play the game," Aleksander said with a touch of amusement at her irritation.

It irked Alina that he saw the same thing she did. 

"I'd rather see any other Grisha on the planet on Nikolai's arm," Alina huffed. "I can't imagine how horrible she would be to me if she got what she obviously wants."

"She may, in fact, be far more pleasant if your positions were equal. Zoya would know better than to alienate a potential ally."

Aleksander had a point, but Alina still didn't like it. Then again, Nikolai could certainly take care of himself, and the couple would never be bored with each other, that was for sure. And it would get Zoya out of Zelenyyi Mir.

Alina suddenly had the urge to push the pair together as fast as humanly possible.

She turned back to Aleksander. "I should go check in with Genya. She's probably fine, but I want to tell her how wonderful everything looks tonight. Try not to start a war while I'm gone."

He gave her an enigmatic smile. "I make no promises."

Alina resisted the urge to glare at him and left him behind. When she reached Genya, she could tell that her friend would only have a few moments for her. The Tailor seemed to be monitoring the food and drink levels along with steering people to different groups where they could engage in conversation.

Genya dipped into a small, formal curtsey as Alina stepped to her side. 

"Everything looks amazing, Genya," she said with sincere enthusiasm.

Her friend nodded, continuing to scan the crowd. "It's going well so far. The Os Kervo acting troop will be on soon once everyone has had something to eat or drink." 

Something caught her eye and she sighed. "The Suli fortunetellers are here early. I'll have to tell them to hang back and wait until later tonight."

"I'll tell them," Alina said as she spotted the red-lacquered jackal masks and orange silk robes the fortunetellers wore.

"You're busy," Genya protested.

Alina shook her head, wanting to be away from politics for a moment. "Maybe I just want to get my fortune told," she said, and suddenly she did. She knew it was probably all an act, but she could use some advice on what to do to convince Aleksander to pursue peace, to get someone else's reaction to the strange events cropping up on the Green Sea, to hear something that would help her sleep at night. As she tallied up all of her various concerns, Alina realized she needed all the help she could get.

The Suli were grouped along the edge of the crowd, and it was easy to carve a path towards them. Alina passed by the dancers and saw Tamar dressed in her guard's uniform showing Nadia the steps to a Kaelish reel. They were both grinning, and Alina's heart felt full and warm at the sight.

She stopped in front of the group of women who stood together just visible in the lantern light at the back of the garden. Smiling, she said, "You are very welcome here. Thank you for taking part in our festivities." She paused. "The only problem is that you're a little early--"

"No, we are not," one of them said, cutting her off.

Alina was a little taken aback. Hardly anyone ever interrupted her now that she was a queen. It made her curious about what they truly wanted then. 

"We have come to speak with you," said the woman who obviously led the group.

Alina nodded. "Alright," she said, drawing out the word. "What can I do for you?"

"Eshe will tell you," the woman said, gesturing another woman forward. "She is the one among us who sees the veil between the worlds. Our spirits have spoken for the first time in many years in her dreams. They have sent a message. And that message is for you." 

Alina tried to understand. She was familiar with the Fjerdan religion based around Djel and the spirits of trees and springs. Maybe the Suli spirits weren't so different, although she was still fairly sure this was a hoax. The thought of spirits talking to someone seemed more than a little ridiculous to someone who had grown up with the distant Saints. 

"So you...dreamed about me?" she asked when the one who must be Eshe stood before her.

Her voice was low as she said, "I saw many things in my dreams last night." She paused. " _You _know about dreams and the signs they hold."__

Alina knew her expression was skeptical, but she nodded, wanting to hear what the woman would say next. "Will you tell me what you saw?" she asked, feeling silly and sure this must be part of their act, but needing to know more.

Eshe nodded, her jackal mask dipping slightly. "The spirits told me you are worried about your future with the man you love. The one who returned," she began.

Alina sighed inwardly and tried not to be too disappointed in the woman's "prediction" that sounded like it was going to be a well-worn party trick. Rumors had been circulating for months about how her power had brought about the Green Sea and how she had brought Aleksander back from the dead.

"They said you also worry about the possibility of children."

Alina blinked. Alright, she thought, that was another lucky guess. But it did make her pause in anticipation of what else she had to say.

Eshe hesitated. "But they said there is nothing you worry about more than what you have done. And what you might yet do. Your connection to magic is strong--too strong. And what it will bring..." She trailed off.

"What will it bring?" Alina found herself asking, intent on hearing the answer.

She was startled as Eshe reached up in response and lifted her jackal mask off of her head, revealing the face of a middle-aged woman with arching black eyebrows and dark eyes rimmed with even darker kohl.

Those eyes were filled with what looked like both dread and an earnestness that pleaded for her to listen.

"Death," Eshe whispered. "They said death and darkness surround you. Surrounds everyone and everything. All because of you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someday I will stop writing about these two fighting then going at it or going at it and then fighting. That day is not today, though ;)

Alina wasn't sure whether to laugh or not at Eshe’s dramatic words, but the seer reached out and gripped her by the arm, startling her. "This is what the spirits have said. You must listen."

The woman began to speak quickly, and her hold on Alina was firm. "The world is ripping open. Death and endless night are on the other side. You must put it back and stop it before what is unbalanced cannot be restored. Look to your own dreams. Listen to what they say."

She leaned close to Alina. "You will have a choice," Eshe said, her voice low. "Such a terrible choice." Then she stepped back, letting Alina go and said, "That is all I can say." Then, she bowed and walked away into the darkness with the other Suli without another word.

Alina blinked, shocked by what Eshe had told her, but perplexed as well. Her heart dropped as she ran over the fortuneteller's final words. Something about a choice. She stood staring out into the blackness, trying to tell herself that she was being silly--that this was just a ridiculous fortune. But there had been something in the fortuneteller’s eyes that made her think it wasn't just something to say to a gullible young queen in need of entertainment.

She turned back to the rest of the guests who she could see in the bright glow of the lantern light. They were still mostly clustered around the tables, but Genya was herding everyone toward benches that had been set out on the wide grass lawn. The theater troupe, Alina remembered. There was to be a performance by some players from Os Kervo. It seemed like she had spoken to Genya hours ago and not the handful of minutes it had truly been. 

There was a place at the front reserved for her next to Aleksander. Alina made her way towards that seat with single-minded determination, pasting a smile on her face and nodding at courtiers and delegates as they spoke to her or made their gestures of respect. She kept that fixed expression throughout the theatrical performance, laughing at all the right moments and clapping with the other spectators when it was finally over. 

Everyone rose from their seats and the dancing resumed with even more couples taking to the circle that was forming. Alina was no longer so interested in convincing Aleksander to dance, though. She glanced his way, and he gave her a significant look as he caught her eye. Of course he could tell there was something wrong. The man's ability to gauge her emotions was uncanny. Hopefully nobody else could tell she was so unbalanced, because there wasn't time for her to mull over Eshe's words in peace.

The rest of the night went by in a haze of introductions and meaningless conversation. It made Alina want to scream, where once she had been looking forward to the opportunity to establish ties between the four nations. When it was over, she did her best not to hurry away into the palace and straight to her chambers.

Aleksander entered their rooms a few minutes after she did. He eyed her for a long moment. "And I thought that _I_ did not wish to be at the event this evening. It was as if you were not there at all." He paused. "Tell me what is wrong."

Alina sat down at her dressing table and picked up the gold-backed brush Genya had given her. She pulled her hair over her shoulder and began to run the brush through it, trying to act nonchalant and not meeting his eyes in the mirror. "I had some bad news, that's all."

His brow furrowed. "Bad news," he repeated. "What was it and where did this news come from?"

Alina hesitated. "It was something one of the guests told me. It confirmed some things I've been worried about.” She set the brush down and met his eyes through the reflection. “There's something wrong, Aleksander. Very, very wrong. And it's tied to what I did all those months ago when I used _merzost_."

He crossed his arms, looking unconvinced. "And who was this bearer of news who knew so much about something none of us—not even myself--can be sure of?"

Alina hesitated even longer this time, setting down her brush and turning in her chair to look at him directly. "A Suli fortune teller," she mumbled.

Aleksander pressed his fingers to his forehead, covering his face with what could only be exasperation. "Alina--" he began.

"I know! I know what you're going to say. That it was a lie and that nothing is wrong. That it was just a stupid fortune. I know, alright. But she said so many things that feel true…Things I've been struggling with. She warned me." Alina trailed off when she saw his expression.

"She warned you of what?" he asked flatly. She didn’t want him to humor her, she wanted him to believe her. The thought made her angry and she lashed out, saying, "She said that there would be endless night. That death was coming for everything and everyone because of me. Because the world is out of balance."

Aleksander scoffed. "You do know how ridiculous that sounds."

Alina nodded. "Believe me, I know." Then her face fell and she huddled in on herself, feeling tense. "But I’m still afraid of what’s going to happen."

Rather than answer with words, he came to stand behind her and lightly rested his fingers on the back of her neck where she had swept her hair over her shoulder. But she didn't appreciate or want the calming wave of surety he sent through her. The tension in her shoulders remained as she snapped, "I'm fine, alright?"

He withdrew his hand and his expression became closed off. "Very well. What would you like me to say, then? You have already detailed every reason not to believe what was said to you. Every one of those reasons is correct, and there is nothing to fear, Alina."

"If it's nothing, then why did she leave without saying another word?"

Aleksander shrugged, his tone distracted as he began to unbutton his _kefta_ to ready himself for bed. "Perhaps she did not wish to risk your displeasure with such a dire prediction."

Alina jerked her head in a nod. "Maybe." Despite her best efforts, she was becoming distracted by the sight of the man she loved caught in the act of disrobing. He was so beautiful, she thought. And he cared about her. She knew that now. It had been worth it to defy the universe and bring him back with the power of magic. Surely it had been worth it.

Aleksander caught her eyeing him, and his weary expression changed to one of studied playfulness. He left off unbuttoning his _kefta_ and stepped forward to run his fingers up and down the ties that laced the back of her gown, saying quietly, "I told you I intended to see this dress on the floor. Does such a thing interest you?" 

She hesitated, not sure if she should push to continue the conversation. He was obviously trying to distract her. Perhaps it was better to let it go for now. There wasn't anything to be done just yet, despite Eshe's plea that Alina stop whatever was coming. And Aleksander was right there, alive and breathing and more alluring than she could believe. So why not lose herself and her cares in his arms for a while? Alina nodded her head once more, this time giving him a small smile.

He leaned forward, saying softly into her ear, "Good. Stand up.”

She rose slowly and took his offered hand, letting him lead her to the wall next to the table. His turned her to face it, and his hands pushed lightly against her shoulders, leaning her forward until her own hands were planted against the silver and black damask wallpaper. She pulled her hair over her shoulder once more as he began to work his fingers into the cords that ran up the back of the dress, pulling on the ties that bound the dress together. She felt it loosening around her ribcage and with a sense of relief, she was finally able to breathe fully for the first time all evening. Her ladies in waiting had been a little too enthusiastic when they had laced her up earlier, and the dress had been so tightly structured that she hadn't even needed anything to hold in her breasts.

She drew a free, deep breath as Aleksander pressed his mouth against her skin, trailing open-mouthed kisses from one shoulder blade to the other and lingering on the back of her neck.

"I can make you forget everything else about this evening," he murmured in her ear. "Would you like that?"

She shivered under his hands and his mouth. "Yes," she whispered hoarsely.

He gave a low sound of approval and began to pull the loosened dress down the length of her body. As he did so, inch by inch of skin was bared to him and the deliciously cool air of the room. The dress rustled at her feet in a puddle of tulle and silk and gems. Aleksander reached down and helped her gently kick it away from her, leaving her in only her black lace underthings. She had worn them just in case she found herself in this exact situation.

"Tell me if there is anything you don't like," he said as he ran his hand slowly over her backside. She glanced over her shoulder to see what he was going to do next. Somehow it felt sinfully good to be practically naked in contrast to his clothed body.

He caught her glance and gave a slow smirk. "Eyes forward," he said playfully, and she turned her head so she faced the wall. He leisurely ran his hands up and down her back and over her hips while she sighed with the pleasure of it. He tugged lightly on the band of her lace underwear. "I want you to take off this delightful thing very slowly and spread your legs for me." 

Alina did so, sliding the fabric down her legs in what she knew was a provocative manner. She had learned many things over the past three months with him, and how to move her body without feeling self-conscious was one of them. Stepping out of the garment, she straightened up and placed her hands on the wall again.

"Very good," he said before giving her neck a gentle bite that he chased with his tongue. He pulled her hair back over her shoulder, letting it flow like silk down her back. She heard a rustle of cloth and realized he was ridding himself of his _kefta_. Then his hands went to her hips, and pulled her backwards so she was bent slightly at the waist. "Alina Starkov," he said quietly, firmly. "I want you to reach down and touch yourself very slowly and very gently," and he pressed a kiss to her spine. 

Alina gulped, but she steadied herself with one hand against the wall and reached the other down so that her fingers rested against her clit. She began to move them in slow circles against her aching flesh. When she made a low sound, Aleksander's hands flexed on her hips. She felt him at her entrance a moment later, and he began to press inside her inch by exquisite, maddening inch. All she could concentrate on was the feel of him filling her and her own fingers making her nerves spark and burn. Every other care and concern melted away under those sensations.

As soon as he was seated fully inside of her, he pulled back and began to thrust in a controlled and measured motion. "Harder now. And faster," he ordered, and she began to stroke herself more firmly. Pleasure shot through her as she did so. At the same time, she felt him wrap one hand around the length of her hair. He pulled her head back a few inches almost to the point of smarting. She gasped at the sharp feeling that somehow heightened and magnified her pleasure. "How does that feel?" he asked, a slight harshness in his breathing the only indication that he was affected by their coupling as he slid in and out of her. She knew he loved being in control, and he was in his element at the moment.

The intensity of what she felt overwhelmed her. It was a heady thing, this tension between pain and pleasure. She managed to stutter and gasp, "Good. It's...so good," as her fingers worked against herself. 

As if to reward her for the admission, he began to thrust harder and faster until they were both unable to hold in their groans and cries. As she drew closer and closer to coming, she tried to hold it off a little longer. She wanted the experience to go on forever, but he gripped her hip with his free hand tighter and panted out the words, "Let go, Alina." 

She was so close, so unbearably close, that when she pressed harder on her clit and stretched towards the edge of her orgasm, she almost reached it. She couldn't quite get there though, and Aleksander pulled a fraction harder on her hair when she didn't immediately obey his instructions. It forced her head back another inch, and she let out a low cry of longing. "Come for me now," he whispered, his voice raw.

This time she couldn't help but climax, and it felt like a shower of sparks raced through her, sending golden tendrils of fire through her veins. Her back arched, and her body was wracked with tremors of pleasure that lasted long after Aleksander finished with one final, deep thrust. He stayed pressed close to her for a long moment, carefully disentangling his fingers from her hair, then he pulled away after laying a gentle kiss on her shoulder. 

Alina's legs were shaky when she pushed off from the wall into a standing position. She wondered if she should be embarrassed at how much his domination aroused her, but she couldn't manage to feel anything like shame. It felt too good, and he was so careful to question and gauge her interest that she knew he would stop if she asked him to. Not that she ever had any intention of asking him to stop.

She turned to the bed and saw Aleksander's lean muscles on display as he bent down to pick up both his _kefta_ and her dress off the floor. He lay both garments over the back of the chair in front of the dressing table, and she felt her heart squeeze in her chest. It was still hard to believe he was hers. All hers.

He caught her eye and one corner of his mouth turned up. "You are staring," he said.

Alina felt herself blush. "I can't help it. You're lovely to look at."

"Hm. Come to bed," he said, although there was a faint smile on his face as he tilted his head towards the bed in an inviting gesture.

Seeing that he was in such a good mood after what they’d shared, Alina decided to test the waters regarding her political machinations from earlier that day. "I’ll be right there, but I'm going to read for a while if you don't mind keeping the lantern lit. I have some papers to look through about the state of things in Ravka. Nikolai was telling me earlier about how dire it is there." 

Aleksander frowned, turning down the bedclothes and climbing under the sheets. "Is now really the time to be talking about Lantsov and politics?"

His statement made Alina snort with laughter as she moved around to her side of the bed and climbed in after him. "You love politics. You would eat if for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you could."

He paused, "That is...an accurate assessment."

Alina pushed her nerves down and propped herself up against the pillows. "So, you know how you're always saying Zelenyyi Mir is my experiment?"

"I am fond of reminding you of that fact, yes." he said warily.

She hesitated, but decided to plow forward in telling him about her plans. "Well, I might have extended the experiment. Or at least made a big change to the experiment."

Aleksander went still. When he sat up in bed, his head turned so he could look at her fully. "What exactly have you done?" he asked. His voice had grown quiet, and Alina felt a tinge of worry that he would be even angrier than she had expected once she told him of her alliance.

"I think I brokered our first diplomatic exchange," she exclaimed, aiming for blithe cheerfulness. "Nikolai and I talked about establishing trade between our kingdoms. Food in exchange for soldiers."

Aleksander's brows drew together instantly, and his face grew stony. "You did what?" he snapped. He was clearly furious that she had made even a tentative agreement with Nikolai.

Alina decided to backtrack a little. "Nothing is set in stone," she began. "But I had to at least try to save Ravka for its people’s sake."

"Alina," he began as he ran his hands through his hair, ruffling the black locks. His voice rose. "You do realize that this will hinder any opportunity of laying claim to our homeland?" 

That brought Alina up short. He was still planning to pursue violence to get what he wanted. Would he never stop? "Then I kept you from possibly going to war again? Somehow, I'm alright with that." She didn't try to hide her irritation.

Aleksander looked like he was trying to put a lid on his emotions, and he didn't respond, but he still looked as angry as she had ever seen him. She reached out and covered his hand that lay closest to hers in an effort to calm him.

"Look, sooner or later, we're going to need those soldiers. And I'm worried it's going to be sooner."

He groaned, jerking his hand away from her. "I should have guessed that was what this was all about. Your paranoia is staggering." 

"It's not paranoia!"

"You are jumping at everything and nothing. I believe that is the very definition of paranoia." He paused, calming. "At least there has been no official agreement between our nations. Talk is just talk."

"Aleksander," she said firmly. "I told him we would provide aid in exchange for a favor, and Nikolai was kind enough to offer troops instead."

He gave a short laugh. "That is because he is not a fool and would rather not be indebted to us. Far better to have his troops stationed along our border on a pretext of 'helping' us in return for supplies. I must applaud him. Lantsov is getting everything he could possibly want."

Alina felt her face heating. "I'm not an idiot. I know there's a risk that it might be a ploy. But I trust him, and I think we should build on that trust together."

She paused a long moment. "And besides, we need soldiers because I..." she hesitated again. "I can't use my powers to keep us safe. I won't. Not until I know for sure that I'm not going to destroy everything and everyone I care about." She felt a wave of conflicting emotions fill her now that she had finally told him: sadness, worry that he would mock her for her feelings, but mostly she felt relief.

Aleksander stilled. "Alina. That is utterly ridiculous. There is no need to keep hiding from your power. You must stop punishing yourself. It is easy to see you are already not yourself when you refuse to use your light."

So he had noticed her waning health. She would need to ask Genya to work harder on her appearance. "I can't. Don't you see? I can't guarantee I won't use _merzost_ again. And what would the cost be if I did? I can't take that risk."

He reached out to her. "Stop this," he said quietly, and it was his hand that covered hers this time. "There is nothing to fear from your newfound power. You cannot hide from it forever. You must face the fact that you used it and move on."

"But how?" she asked plaintively. "I can't stop thinking about it. What it felt like and what I could do...The things I could fix."

He gripped her hand tighter. "Do you not think these thoughts consumed me after I wielded it to create the Fold?"

She drew up short at that. She _hadn't_ thought about that. He had experienced something similar when he became the Black Heretic. Perhaps she should have relied on him and confessed her conflicted feelings sooner.

"Tell me," she said. "Tell me how you survived it."

He looked down at their clasped hands. "It was not easy, Alina. It felt as if untold power lurked behind my every thought and action. But if I were to unleash it, then who could say what would happen? Would the horrors appear? Perhaps not, and perhaps all I hoped for would come true if I simply willed it hard enough. I almost went mad with the wondering."

Alina's heart went into her throat. That was what she feared--that she would never be able to let go of the fear and the simultaneous longing for that power.

"What did it take for you to stay sane?" she asked.

He looked up at her, saying simply, "It took time."

She jerked her hand away from his. "That's it?" she demanded, incredulous. "That's what you have for me? It took time?!" She flopped back against the pillows. "I don't want to wait years and years for this to go away. I want to get rid of this thing now!"

Aleksander sighed. "You cannot turn back the clock, Alina. You know what my mother is fond of saying. You have 'meddled.' Now you must live with what that means, as I did. As I have."

He reached out and stroked her hair with his hand. "You are as strong as I was, though. You will overcome this. I have no doubt, so do not doubt yourself."

Alina looked at him, grateful for his kindness and then suddenly suspicious. "Why are you being so nice to me about all of this? What happened to being angry about my alliance with Nikolai?"

Aleksander shrugged lightly. "As I said, talk is talk and as _you_ said, nothing is set in stone. If you are truly set on this course, I will do what I can to turn the situation to our advantage."

"I was doing just fine," she groused.

He gave her a sidelong glance. "You were not doing so terrible a job, no, but neither were you going to get the most out of a partnership, either. 

Laying down and wrapping an arm around her, he said, "We can discuss this more in the morning. You should sleep now." He sounded as if he had laid aside their argument, but she knew it would be simmering just below the surface and that if she wasn't careful, he would overtake and overturn everything she had set in motion. She knew him better than she thought, she realized--knew how conniving he could be. But she still loved him despite that and despite his love of power and need for control. Saints help me, she thought. 

She was about to put out the lantern next to the bed, when a loud knock sounded on the door.

Aleksander raised his head off the pillow and sat up as Alina pulled the sheet up to cover herself. She was briefly mortified that someone was about to see her with only a thin piece of fabric between her and the world. Ducking her head under the covers seemed like an option as well, but she wanted to see what was going on.

"I will see what is so important that it could not wait for morning," Aleksander said as he quickly pulled on his _kefta_ and buttoned it. He paused. "It had better be of importance. I do not believe anyone would be foolish enough to interrupt us for anything less."

Alina nodded. Hopefully nothing had gone wrong, she thought. As always, her mind leaped to the worst possible scenarios.

He strode towards the door and opened it before speaking in a low voice to whoever was on the other side. She couldn't make out what was being said, but she did see his hand tighten on the doorframe, making her nervous that something was indeed happening.

Aleksander finished speaking to whoever was on the other side and turned to make his way back to the bed. Standing before her, he didn't say anything for a long moment until her nerves were nearly stretched to the breaking point.

Finally, he spoke. "Something has happened in Kribirsk. I have instructed our councilors to be assembled. You should get dressed." His face held a strange expression that Alina couldn't interpret.

She clutched the sheet at his news. "What’s happened? Are we under attack?"

He hesitated, and when he spoke it was in a voice that filled her heart with dread. "It seems I was wrong…Reports are coming in from across the countryside." He paused. "The dead have risen in Kribirsk.”

Alina stared at him, and as she did so, her mind whirled with the thought that this was it. Her fears had finally manifested. And everything was about to come crashing down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said back at the beginning that this fic was going to be a little bonkers? More on that and Russian mythology at the end.

Alina stared at him. "The dead," she repeated, and her stomach lurched. It had arrived. The thing she had been dreading had finally arrived, and it was as impossible as she had feared it would be. She scrambled out of bed in order to throw on some pants, a tunic, and her kefta. 

Aleksander was in motion as well, stripping off his own _kefta_ so that he might dress fully before pulling the coat back on over his head. "The mass graves of Kribirsk have emptied," he said as he dressed. "The town seems to be at the center of whatever is happening. And whatever that is, we must stop it before it begins to spread."

"But how?" Alina sputtered as she pulled on her snug leggings. "How are we supposed to fight that?"

Aleksander ran a hand through his hair. "I do not know. But we must find a way." 

As Alina finished dressing, she caught a glimpse of Aleksander drifting towards one of the bookcases and pulling out a familiar book which he then stashed in his _kefta_ pocket. She was about to ask him what he was intending to do with it when he turned to her and said, "Are you ready?"

Alina nodded, refocusing on what was facing them. Anything else could wait, and he would doubtlessly explain about the book in time. 

With that, the two strode out of their chambers and headed towards the war room. Alina hurried to keep up, her mind reeling from what Aleksander had told her. The dead rising. It would be ridiculous to contemplate except that the man walking down the hallway in front of her had most definitely been dead at one point and clearly was not now. She supposed it was something of a blessing to suddenly be able to rest her feelings of dread on something tangible, as impossible as it was. 

"What about the people of the city? The living. What's happened to them?" she demanded.

"Our messengers relayed word that the city's inhabitants are hiding within their homes. We must seal off the area and attempt to discover what is behind this if we are to find a way to end it." He paused outside the door to the war room. "Alina. We must ready ourselves to do whatever must be done, including using _merzost_."

"But what if that's the cause?" she asked, her brows drawing together.

Aleksander hesitated. "Then I am unsure of what we will do, but we will know more soon." With that, he moved through the door and Alina followed him inside. 

Deep down, she knew using magic to try to solve this problem was a bad idea. Her use of _merzost_ had perhaps even been the catalyst for what was happening now. It seemed far too suspicious that Kribirsk was the location affected when that had been the site where she had brought Aleksander back.

Alina looked around at the generals and other councilors who stood grouped around the edges of the room in clumps, their expressions worried and their chatter muted. On seeing their king and queen, the men and women began to gather around the central table that dominated the room.

Aleksander surveyed them. "Tell us what you have seen," he commanded a weary-looking man on the edges of the group whose clothes were travel-stained.

"My king," the man began. "My post is located on the Ravkan border just outside Kribirsk. Tonight, I had permission to travel into the city itself to visit the tavern, but when I passed the remains of the battlefield..." he trailed off.

"Continue," Aleksander ordered. 

The man took a deep breath. "The air became dark with some kind of haze. It was like a mist that rolled over the graves, and then I saw the figures coming out of it--friends and comrades who died in the battle. And Ravkans, too." 

"What did they do?" Alina asked.

The man gripped his hat in his hands, turning to face her. "They stumbled as they walked, staring all around them. It looked as if they'd just woken up. Then several of them called out to me." He visibly shuddered and bowed his head. "I spurred my horse to go as fast as it could, and I got out of there. It was terrible…the most terrible thing I have ever seen in my life. I came straight here," he finished.

Alina stared at the messenger, as did everyone else in the room. It would have sounded crazy if not for her misgivings about the strangeness of the Green Sea and the unending winter, not to mention the warnings of Vasya Petrovich and her family. She wished that everyone had not been so quick to dismiss their claims and Alina's own fears, but even she herself had dismissed them to some extent. Now was not the time for blame, though.

She spoke up. "We need to go at once." 

Aleksander nodded. "If we do not act on this immediately, the other nations will see our weakness and take advantage of it. A small force will move more quickly. I want the representatives of the orders to come with us along with an Inferni. Perhaps through them we will find the solution." 

He paused as Baghra entered the room, leaning on her stick and appearing as old as Alina had ever seen her. 

Aleksander resumed as if the interruption had never happened, saying, "We leave within the hour. Consider amongst yourselves what may prove most effective should we fail."

The surrounding generals and advisors murmured their assent. Once the last general had left the room, Aleksander turned to his mother. "What is it?" he asked, impatiently.

Baghra ignored him and simply walked to the table where she surveyed the map painted across it and the small pieces arrayed on top that represented the various nations. 

"It's come at last, hasn't it?" she asked rather than answering his question.

Her son didn't respond, but Alina nodded. "You've heard?"

"That the dead have returned?" Baghra scoffed. "It was hard for that to go unnoticed. Of course I heard, girl! The entire palace is talking about it, although they don't know whether to believe it or not."

"What do you believe?" Aleksander asked, his expression wary.

"I have been worried that something like this would happen for months. I warned you," she said, pointing her stick at Alina. "I warned you both not to meddle with _merzost_ , and now you see the consequences."

"This may yet be possible to amend," Aleksander argued. "If we were to use the power to counteract these effects--"

Baghra cut him off disdainfully. "To fight fire with fire? That's not how this works."

He folded his arms, "Then enlighten us. What is happening and how would you put a stop to it?"

She paused. "Even in my rooms, I heard rumblings about strange events happening near Kribirsk. At least your queen there was clever enough to listen to those rumblings." Baghra peered at her. "Too bad she wasn't clever enough to avoid causing all of this." 

Alina blushed, but the older woman didn't press the point. 

"Clearly, the balance of the making at the heart of the world has been thrown off." She said, pointing at Alina now. "You created endless summer out of the Fold, and in turn the world responded with a winter that will not end to compensate for it. You raised the dead and until the price for that has been paid, the dead will be unleashed on the living." 

"But I _did_ pay a cost to return Aleksander to life!" Alina protested. "I lost Mal and the power it gave me."

Baghra rolled her eyes. "A life for a life and whatever power that boy had within him? That only initiated the process. You opened a door. Whatever it will take to balance this and close that door, it will cost much more than that, believe me." 

"There must be a way, though," Alina said, cautiously hopeful. "If there is something to do to stop this, we'll do it."

The older woman shook her head. "You took part in death magic, and who knows what you exposed the world to with that choice. You have no idea what you've called into being or what they may want in order to be put back. " 

Alina paused, surprised at her choice of words. "They? You make whatever's causing this sound like a person." 

"I have my suspicions," Baghra replied grimly.

"And what do those suspicions entail?" Aleksander asked, leaning forward with his hands placed on the table. Alina couldn't help but notice that he'd been very quiet throughout their conversation.

Baghra turned to Alina abruptly. "What have your dreams been telling you, girl?"

This question startled Alina. Why did everyone keep asking her about her dreams? "I've been having nightmares," she said slowly.

"Do they have anything to do with my son's death, by any chance?" Baghra asked tartly.

"Yes," she said, wary at the old woman's prescience. "It's the same thing every night: Aleksander dies, the Green Sea appears, and the dead rise."

"Death, rebirth, winter, dreams...these all have one thing in common," Baghra said.

"If you are suggesting what I think you are suggesting…" Aleksander trailed off darkly.

Baghra scowled. "It is what it is. You've also put two and two together, I see."

"And what is it, exactly?" Alina asked, frustrated that they both seemed to be on the same page with no intention of letting her know what they were talking about.

"A witch, girl," the older woman rapped out. "Or a spirit of the old world, however you prefer to think of it. And a powerful one at that."

Aleksander shook his head. "She is speaking of something that is improbable to the point of being ridiculous."

"Death magic is not ridiculous," Baghra snapped. "And that is what you used, is it not?" She turned to Alina. "Let me tell you a story, little Sun Queen. Have you ever heard of Marena?"

Alina shook her head.

Baghra sighed. "Of course you haven't. Too wrapped up in that Saints claptrap like the rest of the world has been for the past several centuries." She continued. "Long before the Saints, both Grisha and _otkazat'sya_ across this land worshiped the spirits of life and death—of nature itself." The older woman thought a moment. "It was not so different from what the Fjerdans still believe about Djel, if a little...wilder," she said. “You know the old tales of demons and witches and magic loose in the world.”

Alina opened her mouth to ask a question, but Baghra cut her off as if anticipating what she was going to ask. "Sankt Grigori may have given us the name we use now, it is true. But when our people were thought to be magic as much as science, it was Marena and her kind our people truly believed in."

Aleksander broke in. "I have a hard time accepting that Alina has called up the keeper of death itself." His voice was dry. "The Shadow Fold never caused such a thing. It was held together with magic and monstrosities, but that does not mean such forces are now at play."

"You didn't call on _merzost_ and succeed the way she did," his mother snapped, seemingly undeterred by his disbelief. 

Alina's heart shriveled in her chest. It was as likely as anything to explain what was happening, no matter how hard it was to believe. "So how do we defeat this…witch…spirit…thing?" she asked, feeling silly for even putting the question into words.

"Defeat her?" Baghra scoffed. "There is no 'defeating' her. She rules death itself, girl. Perhaps a bargain or a sacrifice would serve to balance the world, but who can say what that sacrifice would be."

Alina shot a look at Aleksander, unable to help herself. Not him, she thought. Please don't let the price be him. Then she remembered that this was all too incredible to be believed.

But Aleksander was being very quiet. Finally, he spoke. "We will do what we must. If the sacrifice must be the life I have regained, then so be it."

_He_ believed, Alina realized. He really believed. Then she processed what he had said. "That is not going to happen," she snapped.

"Let us hope it doesn't come to that," Baghra said. "At least the dead are confined to the battlefield for the moment, but I would not be surprised if it spreads to overtake the entire world if you don't find a way to stop it."

Alina suddenly thought of Eshe's fortune. _Death and darkness surround you. Surround everyone and everything...because of you_. This was her fault. She had to do something. And soon.

As if reading her thoughts, Baghra fixed her eyes on Alina. "Do whatever needs to be done, Sun Summoner. Figure it out and take care of it."

Alina nodded. "I will." 

Baghra sighed. "I will leave you and let you get ready to travel." She paused, looking at her son. "Be well."

Aleksander cleared his throat. "We will see you when we return." 

As always, the two left so much unsaid. Couldn't the man just say he loved his mother and be done with it? Alina wondered. Couldn't Baghra just say she worried for her son? That wasn't their way, though, and she had come to accept it. More than that, it made her feel even more amazed that Aleksander had opened up enough to share his feelings with her.

Baghra turned and left the war room. Alina and Aleksander followed her out, the pair walking in silence towards the stables. 

A shout behind them made Alina turn her head. Aleksander tensed, as did their guards, who unslung their weapons. If it had been anyone other than Nikolai Lantsov, they probably would have been run through with a bayonet. But since it was indeed the king of Ravka, the guards held their positions.

"What do you want?" Aleksander asked shortly.

Nikolai huffed out a breath as he caught up to them. "Only to find out what's going on and if I can be of any help."

"We do not need nor want your assistance, Lantsov. Feel free to return to your quarters. We do not have time to indulge you."

Nikolai turned to Alina, appealing to her instead. "Alina. If what I've heard is true, then Ravka is just as much in danger as your nation is. I can't just sit idly by while whatever is happening takes place. I've offered my aid to you, and now I'm asking you to let me give it. Let this be a gesture of Ravka's goodwill towards your country."

Alina hesitated before turning to Aleksander. "I think he's right. We need all the help we can get."

"He will only slow us down," Aleksander retorted.

She turned to Nikolai. "We're taking a small force and riding for Kribirsk. How exactly can you help with that?"

Nikolai nodded. "I can fight or do whatever else needs to be done. I have a few guards who can travel with us, as well. If you'll have us."

Alina stared down Aleksander. "I think we should bring them. What do we lose by taking them along?"

"If it's brains and engineering know-how you need, then I'm your man. You know I'm right," Nikolai interjected.

Aleksander hesitated then said tightly, "Very well. But we leave within minutes. Meet us at the stables."

Nikolai turned without another word and jogged towards the wing housing his rooms.

"Thank you," Alina said. 

Aleksander narrowed his eyes. "You realize we may not want him to see what is to come, should we survive. Any perception that we do not have control of the situation will give him cause to attack us if he is not as noble as you believe him to be."

Alina chose her words carefully. "I don't know if Nikolai is noble or not--I don't know what he is since we scarcely know each other. But I think he _does_ want to take care of Ravka. And if what's happening is what Baghra and you both seem to think it is, then we need all the help we can get."

He did not agree nor disagree. "We should go," he said instead.

Saints, the man was good at deflecting, Alina thought. But he was right. They did need to go, and the sooner the better.

When they entered the stables, the warmth and darkness and the comforting smells of grain and hay soothed Alina's frayed nerves. She drew in a deep breath and let the scents settle into her lungs, calming her as she stepped forward to greet her horse, Kiri. She had ridden the bay mare from the Little Palace to Kribirsk when her entire life had changed not so very long ago and had since adopted the horse as her own. As she rubbed Kiri's nose and patted her shoulder, she saw that Aleksander was already getting ready to mount his midnight stallion. As far as she knew, he still hadn't given the horse a name, but she could tell they shared a bond since he never strayed from riding him. 

Kiri sensed Alina's distraction and nibbled on her sleeve, making Alina huff a little laugh at a time when she didn't think herself capable of laughing. "Alright, you. Let's get out of here." She put her foot in the stirrup just as Nikolai arrived. 

He wore a simple First Army uniform, and as he took in the pair before him, he said, "Leaving without me? I'm hurt."

Alina felt her face crack into a small smile, but Aleksander merely said, "Any day now, Lantsov."

Nikolai nodded, turning to the horse a groom brought forward. The three left the stable and rode into the yard where Zoya, David, Ivan, and an Inferni named Misha were mounted and waiting for them. Tolya and Tamar had also just come around the corner of the stable, leading their own steeds.

Alina could see David and Genya speaking to each other in hushed voices, and Genya reached up to take one of David's hands in her own. Alina wished she could take the Tailor along with her, if only for moral support as she'd done when facing the Shadow Fold, but it was better this way. She would be safer at the palace, and someone had to look after things on their behalf.

Genya left David after kissing his hand and giving him one last tremulous smile before making her way across the yard over to Alina.

"Any words of advice on running the kingdom while you're gone?" she asked in a light voice Alina knew was hiding just as much anxiety as she herself was feeling.

"I trust you to do a better job than whatever I would be doing," Alina said. She lowered her voice. "I'll make sure we look after David."

Genya nodded, her face pulling itself together into a carefully serene mask just as Tolya and Tamar mounted their horses. They were finally ready to depart, and the group numbered nearly a dozen between the twins, the Grisha, and Nikolai's two soldiers. Moving as one, they began to ride down the road that led towards Kribirsk. 

Alina looked back over her shoulder at the palace for what she feared might be the last time and saw Genya raise her hand in farewell. Turning to face the road once more, she pressed her heels to Kiri's side and joined the rest in a steady canter that would keep them from tiring their horses. Luckily, there were no other travelers on the road due to the late hour, and the group would likely make good time. A bright moon gazed down on them, lighting their way, and she couldn't help but be swayed by the beauty of the night, despite the circumstances.

They continued steadily for long enough that Alina almost lost track of time, and she felt surprised when Aleksander began to pull up his horse when they were only a little over an hour away from Kribirsk. She followed suit as did the others. When they came to a halt, they all looked at him questioningly.

"We should stop until dawn," Aleksander said, letting his voice carry just enough to be heard over the sighing of the wind. "I believe we will want to see what there is to be seen in daylight rather than in darkness."

"And what are we expecting to see, anyway?" Nikolai asked as everyone dismounted.

"It would be good to have some idea of what we're facing," Zoya pointed out. The others nodded their agreement.

"You may have heard that the dead are reported to have returned in Kribirsk," Alina said, and her words sent a hush through the group. "I know how it sounds," she admitted on seeing their skeptical looks. "But you all know that strange things have been happening lately." She gestured around them at the expanse of the Green Sea. "I mean, look around you. This is summer in the middle of winter. And what we're venturing into is death in the middle of life."

"But we know what caused the Green Sea," David said hesitantly. "I saw you do it. What could be causing the dead to rise?"

Now it was Alina who hesitated. How on earth did she tell them that something out of a fairytale—something with magic that controlled death itself—might be behind everything? As she mentally flailed around, Aleksander took over for her instead.

"It would appear as if an ancient force has been awakened from the use of _merzost_ at the Battle of Kribirsk," he said.

"How ancient? And what kind of 'force'?" Nikolai asked.

"Very ancient. It is said to have the power to govern death and dreams as well as the passage of winter into spring."

"That would be as powerful as a Saint. More powerful," Tamar pointed out, her eyes widening.

Aleksander nodded “It is only stirring at this point. If the witch were to wake fully, there would be no telling how disastrous the consequences would be."

Nikolai frowned. "That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as demons or witches or things that go bump in the night. And don’t tell the Apparat, but I'm not even sure I believe in the Saints."

Tolya and Tamar both shot him a horrified look at such heresy. Alina couldn't say she was completely surprised since she was in the same boat, religion-wise. She understood Nikolai's skepticism about their current situation, as well.

"Regardless," Aleksander continued as they picketed the horses to the ground, "be prepared to see things you would not have believed possible, and be prepared to act." With that, he turned to Alina. "Are you tired?" he asked quietly. "It was a long ride, and I would not have you doing anything to injure your health at this point."

She felt a little glow of pleasure at his words and a little irritation at the same time. "I'm not made of glass," she assured him. "I'll be fine."

"Still, I would rest easier if I knew you had talked to a Healer before we left."

Alina took Aleksander's hand and pulled him towards the grassy field next to the side of the road. "There wasn't enough time. Besides, we've stopped now, and I have questions for you."

He nodded and followed her lead into the swaying grass. They sat down a little way apart from the others who were settling into their own positions as they tried to wring a little relaxation and possibly even sleep from the rest of the night. David and Misha looked as if they were surveying the land and the waist-height grass around them while the twins stood watch with the two soldiers. Nikolai and Zoya seemed to have gone back to their flirting, and Alina looked away quickly, not wanting to interrupt them or be pulled into conversation.

She lay back on the ground, feeling the grass bend under her as soft as a bed. The sky overhead was dotted with stars, and she could just make out the constellations of both The Bear and The Dragon high above her. Turning her head, she looked at Aleksander, who sat upright and alert. 

"Tell me more about Marena. I want to know what we're up against."

Aleksander tilted his head up to look at the stars as Alina had moments before. She waited as he gathered his words.

"There is a very old story," he began, as he pulled a book out of his pocket--the same book Alina had seen him stash away before they'd left their bedroom.

"Is that your book of children's tales?" she interrupted, sitting back up to look at it. It seemed curious that he would bring that particular volume along with him.

He nodded slowly, opening the worn cover and flipping to a place towards the end of the book. Alina pulled a thread of her power to her, letting a little light wash over the page. It was much harder to do than it should have been, and Aleksander gave her an irritable look that spoke of his frustration with her treatment of her abilities. Alina ignored him alongside ignoring the blissful sense of rightness using her power brought her. Instead, she looked at the page where she could make out a simple woodcut picture of a woman holding a crescent moon in one hand and a key in the other. Countless faceless figures were arrayed behind her, looking almost like an army. Alina shivered at their eerie, blank expressions and the ambiguous smile on the woman's face that seemed to hold all the secrets of the world within it. 

"This is the tale of The Deathless Maiden," Aleksander said quietly. "It is an old story. Older than the Saints and far older than either myself or my mother."

"What is it about?" Alina asked, although she almost didn't want to hear the answer.

"It is about a maiden—a witch—who keeps the dead locked away in a realm of endless night. One day, that door is opened by a man who longs for his dead love. He tries to bargain with the maiden to grant life to his lover once more, but she refuses him. When he steals his love away with him and drags her into the realm of the living, he unleashes the rest of the dead onto the world. All is overturned. Day becomes night, water turns to fire, and all of nature is thrown into chaos as death overtakes everything and everyone." 

"And how is it stopped?" Alina whispered.

Aleksander was quiet for a long moment. "The man begs the witch to end what he has begun. She tells him that if he follows her into the realm of the dead—if he sacrifices himself and the one he restored to life—that she will return all that has been transformed to what it once was. He agrees, and when the doors to the realm of endless night close, all is restored."

Alina took in what he had said. "And the witch is Marena? The one who keeps the dead locked away?"

He frowned. "Of a sorts. The tale is a kind of translation of what was once believed."

"Like the Saints were translations of Grisha who actually lived?"

"Exactly so. When I was very young, before the worship of the Saints overtook that of spirits and demons, many relied on rites and rituals performed for Marena. It was said that she ruled the realm of the underworld and watched over the spirits of the dead." He shifted, turning his head to look at Alina. "She controlled winter, dreams, and death, just as my mother said. Every year, our people would burn and drown effigies of her in the rivers. That sacrifice was meant to put an end to winter so that life and spring would take its place. The world was kept in balance in such a way. So it was said," he amended.

"You knew," Alina said. "You picked up that book even before Baghra said what she believed was going on." 

Aleksander nodded. "The parallels seemed too clear to be coincidence."

Alina thought for a long moment. "The balance is off. Just like in the story. And it's because of me, isn't it?" she asked.

He shifted himself slightly on the ground. "Do not judge yourself too harshly. Had I only listened to the strange rumors and reports circulating, or to the Petrovich family who came to court, then we would have had a few days more to ready ourselves."

"Well, I wasn't going to say 'I told you so,'" Alina said nudging him with her shoulder. "But..."

"Yes, yes," he said, his voice dry. "You are much wiser than I, and I have indeed been proven wrong."

Somehow the admission didn't make Alina feel one bit better. 

"What about the other things Vasya talked about?" she asked, deciding to give him a break from her teasing.

Aleksander frowned. "I believe that more is stirring in the underworld, if that is what is truly happening. It would explain the other unearthly events. If we do not restore the balance between life and death, others things may awaken just as Marena is beginning to now."

Alina nodded and lay back down, tilting her head to look once more at the stars. Somehow, she must have drifted off, because she woke to the sound of a shout ringing through the air. She jerked awake, pushing the mental cobwebs aside as a jolt of adrenaline filled her. Aleksander was already on his feet, and Alina soon followed. The others were ranging themselves in a circle with their backs to each other.

Alina moved to stand between Tolya and Tamar. "What is it," she asked, her voice quiet.

The siblings were scanning the fields around them as Tamar said, "There's something out there. We heard things moving in the grass." She looked at Alina. "And one of Nikolai's guards, Vaslav, is missing."

Alina felt herself go pale. She had pushed her power down and locked it away. Would she be able to access it now that she had need of it? It had been harder than she thought just to produce a single sunbeam let alone try to perform the Cut.

"We will make for the horses and go," Aleksander said, his voice calm in the face of what could easily turn into panic. "It is close enough to dawn that we will reach Kribirsk just after the sun rises."

They returned to their horses, freeing them from the pickets that held them in place. The animals were snorting and stamping, filled with nervous energy. Quiet giggles sounded within the darkness around them, and the grass swished and fluttered. Alina couldn’t hold back a shudder at the sounds.

"What do you think it is," she asked Aleksander as she released Kiri.

"If it is the women in the grass Vasya Petrovich spoke of, then it is likely the Mavki." At Alina's look, he continued. "They are demons that prey on young men, luring them to their deaths. If the Mavki are waking as well, it is one more reason for us to move quickly and find a resolution to this."

Alina nodded and swung up onto the horse's back. Aleksander mirrored her action, and the group took off at a gallop, thundering down the road. The horses' hooves kicked up dust as they left whatever danger surrounded them far behind. But as the sun began to rise and turn the Eastern sky to pink and purple, Alina couldn't shake the feeling that they were only trading one danger for an even greater one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ok. Witches and demons and spirits. I recently read The Language of Thorns and King of Scars and couldn't help but wonder what more there was before the Saints and what would happen if magic was released full force in the Grisha world. I turned to a book I checked out on Russian and Slavic myth and legend because it's ridiculously cool, and that's where I'm getting Marena/Morana from (a spirit of winter and death) and things like the Mavki (creatures kind of like the Rusalka). The Ravkan fairy tale from Aleksander's book I made up myself, though, using some of those elements. I hope you're enjoying this, dear reader, because I sure am.


	9. Chapter 9

Entering the outskirts of Kribirsk was a surreal experience that Alina hoped to never repeat under the same circumstances. Deep grey storm clouds had gathered over the city and the fields surrounding it, turning the colorful hues of the sunrise into dull darkness as they drew near. The group began to slow their horses as one when they took in the sight before them: people wandering the fields alone or standing in clumps. Heads turned to look in their direction and the familiar uniforms and _kefta_ of those arrayed before them were black as if they had been drained of all color.

If these people were what they were rumored to be, then they were looking at the dead. Alina couldn't seem to wrap her mind around that idea, and she urged Kiri onwards. The horse snorted and threatened to shy away from the figures drawing nearer and nearer to them.

" _Moi soverenyi_ ," one woman cried out when she spotted Aleksander. "Have you come to save us?" 

Aleksander pulled his horse up short, indicating that the others should stop as well. 

Alina could see that the woman's dark hair which flowed over her shoulders in rich waves the color of raven’s wings matched eyes of a solid black with no visible color to them. Those fathomless, oil-slick eyes contrasted skin drained of color so as to look paper white. Her stillness was so complete and unnatural that, for Alina, the horror finally began to sink in that these people really were well and truly dead. This woman wasn't breathing. Her heart wasn't beating. She was a walking corpse, and the woman’s expression was one of equal parts dread at what she must be experiencing and relief at seeing her former commander.

Nikolai swore under his breath. Alina knew he hadn't believed what was going on, and the others looked just as spooked as Alina was. 

Aleksander held his hand palm out in a gesture that conveyed the woman should stop a good distance from the group. "What is your name?" he asked her. 

"Svetlana Bolginskaya, sir" the woman replied, twisting her hands together in distress.

"Svetlana. Why are you here, and what is going on?" His voice remained calm and it seemed to reassure her.

"I woke up last night," she said, her brow furrowing, "and I was standing here in this field. Everyone from the battle surrounded me--my squad leader, my comrades, our enemies. We were all just...here."

"And where were you before that?" Aleksander prompted.

"I don't know," she began, then stopped. "Somewhere dark and cold. I don't remember," she trailed off once more as black tears began to run down her cheeks. 

The sight made Alina's skin crawl. If she didn't know any better, she would say the woman was in shock. And who could blame her? she thought.

"We will find out what has happened to you, Svetlana," Aleksander said in a tone that would have calmed even the most frightened soldier. "For now, gather your fellow Grisha here in this field. We will return once we have seen the city."

With that, he nudged his horse with his knees, urging it forward. Alina followed along with the others behind him. She couldn't help but observe that Svetlana's face had tightened into a determined expression as the woman hailed her fellow soldiers who stood nearby and herded them all together.

A spear of lightning forked across the sky, and thunder rumbled a moment later with a noise like rocks grinding together. No rain seemed to be forthcoming, though. Another oddity, Alina thought.

The dead stayed out of their way as they rode, but when the group neared the city, the sheer numbers began to be apparent. A crowd gathered on either side of them, their pale faces looking up at the riders. Alina shuddered more than once at the wrongness of it all. Murmurs of " _Moi soverenyi_ " and a counterpoint of " _Kapitan_ " began to rise up when the Ravkans noticed Nikolai riding just behind Alina and Aleksander. 

The road into Kribirsk led them toward what had once been a bustling district filled with brothels and taverns. Doors were now locked tight, and all of the windows seemed to be barred by the living hoping to hold off the dead in their midst. A few of the dead banged on the doors, crying for the owners to open up, but these were the exceptions. Most of the figures stood huddled on porches or sat on the ground and leaned against walls. All wore expressions of shock or despair.

"Now what?" Nikolai asked as they drew to a stop at the crossing of two roads. 

The members of the group looked at each other, unsure how to proceed, but Aleksander swung down from his horse with a sense of purpose. After a moment, the others followed suit. Some of the animals were still more skittish than others, and Alina tried to soothe Kiri as she tied her to a porch railing. Once that was accomplished, she turned to find the group looking expectantly to Aleksander.

"If we're going to find the thing responsible for this, we need to cover the entire city--and quickly," Aleksander said, frowning.

"You want to split up," Nikolai stated.

It made sense, Alina thought. "If we do that, we should divide ourselves into equally powerful groups," she pointed out. "We can both perform the Cut, so I should take one half." The idea of relying on The Cut at the moment terrified her, but all she could do was try her best. 

Aleksander looked like he wanted to object, but finally he nodded. "I will take Ivan and Zoya as well as Misha and the remaining soldier. You must take Tamar and Tolya with you. Kostyk may accompany you as well." He turned to Nikolai. "Lantsov. It is up to you whichever group you wish to accompany. I would not speak for a king."

Nikolai hesitated. "I'll go with Alina. Tolya, Tamar, and I will make a formidable team like we did in the old days. And David and I can come up with just about anything if we put our heads together.

"Very well," Aleksander said. He turned to Alina and spoke so quietly that only she could hear him. "Be careful. I would like to have you back in one piece." 

"Same to you," she replied, wishing she could kiss him for what might be the last time. 

But he was already raising his voice. "Let us meet back here on the outskirts of town in one hour." With that, he turned and headed in one direction up the city streets. 

All those that remained turned to look at Alina. She swallowed. "Let's go see what we can see," she said, gesturing vaguely in the opposite direction from the one Aleksander and his force had taken.

"We should be at the head of the group in order to protect you," Tamar said.

Alina frowned. "If you're in front of me, then I can't use the Cut easily."

"We insist, my queen," Tolya said firmly.

Alina gave a grudging nod. "Alright. But be sure you can get out of the way quickly. Your power might not work on these people like it does on living bodies. We don't know if their hearts are even beating."

"I wish we could examine one of them," David said, and there was a wistful quality to his voice that was a little disturbing given the circumstances.

"No time," Nikolai said, cutting him off. "Let's get moving."

"That way," Alina said, pointing down a wide avenue that split off from the main street. "Make for the church if we get split up for any reason."

They started off down the path, avoiding the dead who quietly wandered the side streets and the sidewalks. When they were only halfway to the church, a voice startled Alina out of her thoughts. 

"Alina!"

It was a very familiar voice, and as she turned, she realized she'd been half-expecting it. Nevertheless, her jaw dropped as she took in Mal standing at the entrance to an alley. Her thoughts flashed back to the last time she'd seen him as he died on the battlefield, cut down by her own hands. He had grasped for her, holding onto her as he died. It was his death that had given her the unbelievable power she had used to bring back Aleksander and instigate this nightmare they found themselves in now.

As Mal stepped forward, the twins pulled out their guns in one smooth, coordinated motion and aimed at his head and chest.

"Wait," Alina said, not wanting them to attack. She didn't know what Mal's intentions were—or if it really was _her _Mal—but she didn't think filling him full of holes was necessary.__

He turned his head, looking her group over with his eerie onyx eyes. "Can we...talk?" he asked her when he turned back to face her.

Alina was about to agree when Nikolai held an arm out, stopping her. "First we need to know if you really are Oretsev. Tell us something to prove that."

Mal nodded. He tilted his head, seeming to be lost in thought. "When we were five, you tried to convince Ana Kuya that you should have a kitten. She said no and you broke her favorite dish into a million pieces when her back was turned." He frowned. "Then you blamed it on me." 

Alina choked out a laugh. "She didn't believe me, and we both went hungry that night."

Mal nodded. Nikolai dropped his arm, and Alina stepped forward outside the bounds of the circle of her friends.

"What do you want Mal?" she asked.

"What I want is to not be dead. But that's not going to happen, is it," he said bitterly.

Alina couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Yeah. I am, too." He frowned, gesturing to an inn behind Alina where a few chairs rested on its porch. "Can we sit? I'd rather not do this in front of your friends."

"Not a chance," Tamar said, her hand gripping Alina's sleeve. Tolya loomed over Mal, and Nikolai just said, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Alina shook off their warnings. "It's fine," she said.

"It's really not," Nikolai retorted. "No offense, Oretsev, but you're dead because of her. If you want to talk to her, it will be with a few of us present."

Mal nodded.

"Fine," Alina said again, slightly exasperated but understanding the need for caution. "Nikolai, you can join me over there with Mal." She pointed at the chairs, and the three of them walked to the porch and took their seats with Nikolai sitting between Mal and Alina.

It felt strange to have the king of Ravka acting as a bizarre sort of chaperone, but Alina tried to ignore him. Aleksander would probably be furious that she was taking the risk of speaking with Mal, but luckily Aleksander wasn't there to object.

Silence settled over them. What could she possibly say? Sorry I killed you but you shot the man I love? Did you know you were some kind of massive energy source? She decided to try with an apology.

"Mal...I never meant to hurt you..." She trailed off at his disbelieving expression.

"Didn't you?" he demanded. He shook his head. "You chose him. You really did. I can't believe it, but you chose him."

"I guess so," she said, nodding.

"And how is that working out for you? Is every day roses and rainbows now?" he asked, his mouth twisting into a bitter smile.

Alina blushed, thinking of the past few months. "Not exactly."

"Huh." He paused. "Imagine my surprise. Are you happy at least?"

Alina thought about it. "Sometimes. More and more lately."

"That doesn't sound like a resounding 'Yes'... Not nearly good enough to have killed your best friend for."

"Mal," Alina began, searching for words. She didn't even know what she could possibly say to that. “We talked about this in Nikolai's tent. You and I were distant for a long time. It was only when you couldn't have me that you started to need me again in any kind of real way."

He stared at her, his black eyes unblinking. "That's unfair, Alina."

She shrugged, uncomfortable. "It's unfair, but it's true."

Nikolai cleared his throat, reminding Alina what she was there to do.

"We need help, Mal. Do you know anything about what's going on?"

Mal shook his head. "I only know that I woke up outside the city and made my way here with a bunch of other people who were obviously dead."

"Does it hurt?" Alina asked quietly, terrified of his response.

"Being dead? No, I'm just cold. Really, really cold." He looked at her. "You're trying to stop this. To put us back."

Alina nodded. "Yes."

"What's causing it? Why am I here?"

She hesitated. "It's my fault. I used _merzost_ to bring the Darkling back to life after you shot him. Something about your death gave me power. So much power. Do you know why?" she asked.

Mal shook his head. "No idea."

"Well, resurrecting him woke up a witch, opened a door into the realm of the dead, and now the world is probably going to end."

Mal gave her a look then let out a low whistle. "You did all that? You know, if you'd stayed with me, none of this ever would have happened."

"I know," Alina said with a small smile. "But I couldn't stay, Mal. I love him."

"Tell me more about this witch," he said, changing the subject as if it hurt to hear her say those words.

"Her name is Marena. Apparently, she controls the underworld, winter, and dreams. We're trying to find her." She paused with what she knew was a hopeful expression. "Have you seen anything that might be her?"

Mal shook his head. "Saints, no. I've been all over this city ever since I woke up, and there's nothing like that here."

Alina felt her face fall. If she couldn't manage to find Marena, how could she ever hope to stop her?

"You said she controls dreams. Have you tried looking for her there?" Mal asked hesitantly.

Alina was about to tell him that was ridiculous. But what about this _wasn't_ ridiculous? "Maybe," she said, thinking it over. "It can't hurt to try. I don't know how I'm going to be able to just fall asleep right now, though. I've never felt so keyed-up in my life."

Nikolai spoke up at that. "Tolya or Tamar could help. They're experts at lowering heartbeats. They could knock you unconscious to give you a chance to try."

Mal and Alina stared at him.

"What?" he asked. "Sometimes a privateer has to do what a privateer has to do."

"It could work," Alina said slowly. "We'd have to find a place to do it, though. These houses are locked up tight."

"Leave that to me," Nikolai said. "Come on. I have a hard time believing your other half would want you to face this alone. If we want to do this, we should do it fast."

Alina knew he was right. Aleksander might not agree to let her try facing down the keeper of death itself. Who was she kidding? There was no way on earth he would let her do that. She needed to take matters into her own hands while she had the opportunity. He wouldn't be expecting them to meet up for a little while. Better to get it over with now.

The three of them stood, and Nikolai beckoned the others over. When they had all gathered on the porch, each giving Mal a wide berth, Nikolai raised his fist and began to bang on the inn's door. "Open up in the name of your queen and the king of Ravka," he shouted.

After a long moment, Alina could hear the sound of the latch being thrown, and a terrified-looking innkeeper peered out around the side of the door. She quickly blocked his view of Mal in case the sight frightened him even further.

"What do you want," the man asked, his voice trembling.

"We need to come in, and we need to use an empty room," Nikolai said, guiding the man back around the door. The innkeeper seemed to be reassured that Nikolai wasn't one of the dead, and he left the door ajar for the others to enter.

Alina hastily took off her cloak and threw it around Mal's shoulders, bringing the hood up to hide his face. Nothing could hide the pallor of his hands, but she hoped the innkeeper and anyone else inside wouldn't look too closely. If they did, she would cross that bridge when she got there.

"What are you doing?" Tamar hissed.

"He might be able to help," Alina whispered back.

"He's one of them, Alina!"

"He can hear you," whispered Mal in return. "And yes, I will help however I can."

Tamar fell silent. Tolya was already inside with Nikolai and David, so Alina gave Tamar and Mal a small shove before following them through the door. As soon as she entered, the innkeeper slammed the door shut and locked it behind them.

"My queen," he said, giving a short bow. "What can we do? What is even _happening_ out there?" The man's family looked on, huddled against the wall. Alina stepped sideways so that she blocked Mal once more. She was relieved to see the others following her lead and doing the same.

"We're going to figure it out. Everything will be fine," Alina said in as reassuring and regal a voice as she could muster, drawing on Aleksander's example. She didn't actually know if that would be the case, but she tried to radiate confidence. "Please show us to a room, and do not disturb us after that for any reason.

The man nodded and led them up a flight of stairs and down a hallway to a door. It opened onto a large room that looked like it would hold all of them. 

"Will this do?" he asked.

"It will do very well," she said with as much of a smile as she could muster. "Thank you." She turned to Tolya. "Please keep watch downstairs. If you see your king, try to keep him from interrupting us."

Tolya nodded. " _Sol Koroleva_ ," he said and ushered the innkeeper back down the stairs.

David looked around the room. "Now what?" he asked.

"Now I'm going to lie down over there," Alina said as she pointed to a bed, "and Tamar is going to put me under."

"I'm what?!" Tamar exclaimed, horrified.

"Just like you used to do in the good old days," Nikolai encouraged her, clapping her on the shoulder.

"I can't do that! Your Majesty--"

"I need to fall asleep, Tamar," Alina interrupted her. "And I can't do that without you."

"Is this really the best plan?" David interjected.

"It's our only plan," Alina responded through gritted teeth.

Tamar hesitated.

"Please, Tamar," Alina said.

The Heartrender nodded, and Alina moved to lie down on the small bed that stood against one wall underneath a window. The window looked out onto a street crawling with the dead.

"You don't have much time," Nikolai warned. "I can only imagine that the Darkling is going to tear this city apart if he doesn't find you when we’re supposed to meet back up together."

Mal had taken his hood off, and now he stood uncertainly next to the closed door. He straightened at Nikolai's words. "Do what you need to do, Alina. I'll make sure he doesn't interrupt you."

She didn't even want to think about what _that_ particular exchange would look like, and she resolved to hurry.

Tamar looked nervous but determined.

"Hey, Tamar," Alina said, wanting to calm her friend.

"Yes?" she asked.

"How did it go with Nadia? At the ball?"

Tamar blinked, obviously thrown by the change in subject. "Good. I think."

It was hard to believe that it had only been the previous evening that they had been dancing and feasting amongst crowds of people all celebrating life and plenty. 

"That's good. I'm glad to hear it. If we get out of this, you should definitely ask her out on more dates."

Tamar nodded, giving Alina a weak smile. Then she blew out a breath. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Alina said. "Wish me luck." She took in the faces of her friends surrounding her. If she could just have Aleksander there, then she would feel even better, but the situation was what it was. Closing her eyes tight and resting her hands on her stomach, she took one last breath and said, "Do it."

She felt her heart lose rhythm almost immediately, and she had to struggle not to snap her eyes back open. Instead, she tried to make her thoughts blank, and as her heartbeat slowed, she sent up a prayer to the Saints or to the spirits or whatever else might be listening that everything would be alright and that she and Aleksander and possibly even their child would be together again soon.

A moment later, she felt herself being sucked under into unconsciousness. She gave herself up to it, and at some point, she began to dream.

Horses screamed, men and women shouted while guns fired. All around her was blood and mud. It was her usual nightmare, and Alina struggled to get her bearings as she always did. This time, though, something was different. Aleksander sat atop his midnight steed, which reared and lashed out with its hooves. Somehow, she knew that Mal lurked in the darkness all around them, intent on killing her love.

Instead of focusing on the two men, however, she dragged her attention away from them and focused on the space that stood between the fighting hordes and where she currently waited. Suddenly, in the way of dreams, she stood apart from it all. She had never felt more aware and awake in that place, and as she gathered her thoughts, she decided it must be because they were at the center of the uncanny events.

Where is Marena? she thought to herself, the words seeming to echo around her. Even as she thought it, a stone bier materialized out of the black fog surrounding her. A body lay atop it. The figure was as still as a statue, and when Alina approached, she saw it was a woman with long white hair. Alina tried to memorize her features, but they seemed to shift between young and old and an array of skin tones and face shapes. She wore a long white dress decorated at the hems and sleeves with circles and crosshatches stitched in red and black. It seemed almost like an ancient form of a _kefta_. 

Alina reached out slowly, hesitant to touch the body. As her fingers hovered over Marena, a pale hand shot up, gripping Alina's wrist in a tight hold. The figure's eyes snapped open, and they were the solid black of the dead who walked the streets and fields of Kribirsk. 

Alina struggled to get free, pulling against the woman's hold with all her might but she couldn't budge from that grip. This could only be the witch, and as the woman sat up, she held on to Alina's wrist. When she spoke, it was in the voice of a hundred different voices--men and women, young and old--all speaking at once.

"Why have you summoned me?"

The disapproval radiating from the witch put Alina in mind of Baghra, and she almost gave a hysterical giggle. Pushing the feeling down, she said, "I need to talk to you. You're Marena, aren't you? The dead have come back because of you."

The woman rolled her neck slowly on her shoulders as if waking fully. When she spoke again, her voice was rich with something like humor. "As I understand it, they are here because of _you_ , not me. You woke me, I think." She paused, tilting her head and looking as if she were sniffing the air. "Sun Summoner," she said with satisfaction before dropping her hand from Alina's wrist. "You are one of mine. One of my children." She blinked. "Children who have not called to me for a very, very long time."

So Baghra had been right. This was one of the creatures the Grisha had prayed to before the Saints.

Alina marveled at the idea as Marena hopped down off the platform in a surprisingly sprightly gesture.

"We need you to stop whatever it is you're doing. The dead can't stay here, and the winter must end," Alina pleaded.

Marena stretched, then arched an eyebrow, her features ceasing to shift and settling on the visage of a young woman who looked approximately Alina's age. 

"Not until we have spoken together," she said, her voice winnowing down to a simpler timbre that sounded less like a cacophony. She lifted an arm and waved her hand in a dismissive, shooing gesture. With that, the dream began to dissolve. The cries of the battlefield faded, and soon there was nothing to be seen or heard. They were merely standing in a black void. She gave a snap of her fingers, and chairs and a stone table appeared. Two bowls sat atop the table, and the witch gestured toward a chair.

"Sit," she said.

Alina hesitated, but she sat as she was told to.

Marena took the other seat then pushed one of the bowls toward Alina. "Drink," she commanded. 

This time, Alina thought of refusing. What if this was a trick as if it was out of one of Aleksander's fairy tales. But Marena was staring at her expectantly, so Alina picked up the bowl with no small amount of dread in her heart. A thick, golden liquid filled it, and Alina brought it to her lips. When she gingerly took a tiny sip, she stopped short. She had never tasted anything so good in her life. It was as if someone had captured the taste of honey and starlight all together.

"Tell me, have my children forgotten me?" Marena asked, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. Alina nodded before she thought about whether it would please or displease the witch.

"I'm afraid so," she said as she set down the bowl. She knew she should fear whatever this creature was, but there was something almost comforting and very...human in her manner.

Marena sighed, frowning. "I thought as much. It is not an easy thing to be replaced." She took a sip from her own bowl. "But time enough for that. What would you have of me?"

"We want you to leave us alone," Alina said. "We want you to take the dead back and stop the winter. Please. We're afraid you're going to kill all of us." 

Marena looked thoughtful. "Winter or Spring. Life or death. These are one and the same to me. It matters not which should reign over the world. There should be balance, but if there is not..." She trailed off and shrugged before gazing at Alina with a small frown on her face. "And as I said, I am not the one who set all of this in motion. You are."

"So what must I do?" Alina asked in desperation. 

The witch sipped her drink once more, looking thoughtful. "You took more than you should have when you commanded the magic at the heart of the world to help you. Now you must give up something in exchange for that magic if you wish to close the doors you have opened."

"You mean you want a trade?" Alina's heart was troubled at her next thought. "Or do you want a sacrifice?"

The witch seemed to be mulling over Alina's words. "A sacrifice? Yes," Marena nodded her head at last. "It has been so long. A sacrifice would be most welcome. And will you offer me the life of the one you took from me? Should you return him to me, the balance would be met and I would rest easily once more." 

Alina jerked back. "Not that. I will give you anything but that. Anything but Aleksander." 

Marena cocked her head to the side, surveying Alina with her bright, black eyes like one of the birds from the Green Sea. "If not your lover, then there is only one other thing you have that I could accept for it to be a true sacrifice."

"You want me to die instead?" Alina asked slowly.

Marena tilted her head back and laughed. "No. Although the offer is a tempting one. You would need to live with the consequences of your choice for it to be a true sacrifice." She sobered, "No, the one you brought back is one of my dearest of children--one who summons the darkness and whose heart is cold as winter ice. What I ask for in exchange for his future and his life is your future. Or rather, your future and the futures of the thousands your life will touch."

Confused, Alina sat very still. "You want what?"

"Here, I will show you," Marena said. She waved her hand, and the table and bowls disappeared. She stood, gesturing to Alina that she should rise, and Alina numbly followed suit. The witch waved her hand a second time, and it seemed as if a dark mist rolled away to reveal a scene in front of them.

Alina stared. It was her, wearing not the black she wore now, but Ravkan blue. A young girl stood next to her with her arms wrapped around Alina's legs. She was shocked to see that Nikolai Lantsov of all people stood next to her with his arm fitted snuggly around her waist. The Alina in the vision tilted her head back and laughed before turning her head to kiss Nikolai and then leaning down to drop a kiss onto the forehead of the child. The sun shone down on the scene, and a warm glow suffused the air.

"If you gave up the dark one, this is what your future would hold," Marena said, her mouth tilting up at the corners. "You would have a long and happy life with a man who would grow to love you. You would in turn grow to love him as well, and peace would reign over all the lands. There would be no war for a hundred years or more, and all would flourish." She followed Alina's gaze to rest on the little girl. "You would call her Mavra if she were to become a reality." 

Alina's heart lurched at the thought. A political alliance that led to love and a family. To peace throughout their countries and beyond. These were things she had always wanted. "And if I refuse to give up Aleksander?" she asked.

"Hm," Marena deliberated. "The other path is difficult to see. Less certain. There are no guarantees there beyond death, strife, and loss."

The witch waved her hand, and the calm and shining vision of prosperity disappeared. Alina flinched to see what replaced it: images of blood and battle, of Alina and Aleksander fighting side by side against impossible odds, surrounded by piles of corpses. The image shifted to the two facing and fighting with each other--Alina shouting in the face of Aleksander's enigmatic coldness before they came together in a passionate embrace."

"You see the difference," Marena said. "One is safe. The other is most decidedly not. With the right push, my favored child could be the cause of more destruction than you can imagine."

Alina nodded. "So, if I choose the second path...if I choose Aleksander, I would never have Mavra?"

Marena nodded her head. "And I cannot say for certain you would ever have a child at all. Instead, you would be the cause of so much war and torment that mothers and fathers everywhere would curse your name. That would be the nature of your sacrifice. You can have the future of your line and an easy, happy life, or you can have one of uncertainty and death with the one you broke the chain for. You cannot have both."

But what if I could? Alina thought in desperation. If I'm pregnant now, then I could still have everything, and I could make all the difference when it comes to Aleksander. I could keep him from ever taking that path.

Marena looked at her in silence for a long moment as if she could pick the thoughts straight out of Alina's mind, then she gave her a slow smile. "I am sorry, my dear, but you are not with child. And there is no way for you to guarantee such a thing would ever happen should you choose that world. Believe me, I know life and death, and death is what would thrive there. Life would scarcely eke out a place." Her face grew serious. "Now, then. You know what your options are. Choose, and choose wisely.

Alina's thoughts whirled, and she suddenly remembered Eshe's warning. The fortuneteller's prediction felt like it had happened so long ago now. Eshe had said that Alina would have a terrible choice. _Such a terrible choice_ , she had said. And now that choice was here.

She turned it over and over in her mind, trying to weigh the two options. If she let Aleksander go, she could find love again with Nikolai. Love and more. It was possible--predetermined, actually. But did she want it? She knew it was selfish, but Aleksander was so important to her. The love he had begun to show meant more to her than she could possibly say.

However, now that she had become somewhat used to the idea of becoming a mother, the thought of giving that up, possibly forever, hurt so much. Knowing that her lateness had been the result of stress and the refusal to use her powers didn't make the choice any easier. She pictured the life Marena had revealed to her: A home, her country restored, an easy life. These were not things to be thrown away lightly. And the fate of thousands of people may well rest on this choice as well. She knew Aleksander. She knew his determination to take what he wanted no matter the cost, and she knew his wrath would flow deep and dark were he ever to be crossed. What would it take for him to choose to destroy the world? Alina wasn't sure, but she didn't want to ever find out.

It felt like she stood there for a year, thinking over something so impossible, wanting to be absolutely sure.

Marena stood patiently, not demanding that Alina hurry her decision. Perhaps it didn't matter to the witch one way or another or perhaps she waited because she understood what it was Alina had to willingly give up.

Finally, Alina turned to the witch and said, "I choose him. I choose Aleksander."

Marena raised an eyebrow. "You are sure? There will be no going back."

There was a weariness and sorrow Alina had never heard in her voice before as she confirmed, "I want my life with him. I will fight to be his balance--to make sure none of the things you're talking about would ever happen."

The witch smiled enigmatically at that, and without hesitation or another word, she reached out and touched Alina's chest just above her breasts.

A wash of cold filled her, and her vision went black. And then she was falling end over end into nothingness


	10. Chapter 10

Alina tumbled through the darkness, feeling like she fell forever before a speck of white light in the darkness widened to encompass her entire vision. With that, she felt her consciousness slam back into her body. The next moment, she was sitting up, gasping and crying out.

When she turned her head, she saw with some confusion that the room was empty and dark but for a small lamp burning next to the bed. None of her friends remained, but a small movement made her look toward the foot of the bed and across to where a window stretched along the wall. Aleksander stood there, staring out the window at the stars outside with a look on his face that shook her to her core.

His face was pale, although not as pale as the dead's faces, and when he turned to look at her, she saw his eyes were stormy whereas his face was utterly calm.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, and her voice was rusty as if she hadn't used it in quite some time.

"I sent them away." He regarded her, his brows drawing together. "They are lucky I did not kill the lot of them for allowing you to do what you have done. What were you thinking?" he said, his voice low and deadly.

Alina bristled at his tone. "I was thinking that I had to try to stop Marena and put everything back to rights. Did it work?"

Aleksander's frustration was apparent as he cut her off, his fists clenching in a sudden, violent gesture. "Yes, it worked. But your recklessness could have undone the fabric of reality itself."

Alina felt her shoulders relax a fraction at the news that her bargain had worked.

"The dead are gone? The winter is over?" she demanded.

Aleksander nodded grudgingly. "It is over. Messengers have come back from Ravka, Fjerda, and the Shu Empire with reports of the snows abating. Moreover, the dead have disappeared."

Alina frowned. "Messengers from Fjerda and the Empire? How long was I asleep?"

"Three days," Aleksander ground out.

She stared at him. "That can't be right. I was only talking to Marena for at most fifteen minutes."

"I can assure you, that was not the case. The Healers thought you might never wake up. I was contemplating using _merzost_ to try to find you inside your mind, but the risk seemed too great." He paused, turning to look out the window once more. "I was becoming resigned to the fact that you were gone." His fingers were clenched so tightly around the window sill that they had turned white.

Alina pushed herself off the bed, her joints creaking, and walked over to stand next to him. She pressed herself against his back and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to reassure him with her body as much as with her words. "I'm not going anywhere. What happened while I was gone?"

He raised one hand and rested it on her clasped hands where they met around his waist. "A black fog rolled in, and the dead disappeared. Then the storm vanished as well." He paused. "I cannot imagine you banished either one without giving up something in exchange. What was it?"

She didn't know what to say, so she stood holding him for a long moment, breathing in the scent of him. He smelled like the night on a cool, clean winter evening.

"I gave up a possibility," she said finally, unsure what to say and unsure how much to tell him.

"A possibility," he repeated, gripping her hands more tightly. "What does that mean?"

"It means there was a particular future," she said slowly. "It would have made everything so easy--so easy for everyone. I would have had everything I ever wanted." She was quiet for a long moment, unable somehow to tell him that something may push him to become the death of thousands. "And now I have nothing but you."

He inhaled sharply and whirled to face her. "Nothing?" he demanded. His voice was filled with horror as he said quietly, "Did you give up our child, Alina?" 

"I was never pregnant," she whispered. Inexplicably, she felt tears welling in her eyes. They began to track their way down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she croaked, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for. 

Aleksander looked stricken. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he said in a low voice. Lifting his hand, he stroked her cheek lightly. "None of this is your fault." 

"Isn't it?" Alina asked as she closed her eyes. When she opened them, she could see him through a haze of tears. "I thought I could have everything. Everything and more."

"Everything and more. That is a trait we share, then," he said, trying to coax a smile from her. When she didn't respond, he continued, "Alina. We will be fine. We have each other, and we will be fine." 

But would they be fine? she wondered. What if she had chosen poorly and all would suffer because she couldn't bring herself to give up the love of her life? 

Aleksander searched her eyes, and his utter calm did more to soothe her than any overt declarations of love and devotion. That wasn't his way, and she could express their emotions enough for the both of them. She reached up and caught his hand, squeezing it. "I love you," she said.

He nodded, leaning forward so his lips brushed the shell of her ear. "And I you," he said. "That is enough. That will always be enough."

And with that, they kissed as if they would drown in each other as the sun shone brightly through the window.

\-------------------------

It took a few more days, but winter finally came to Zelenyyi Mir. The fruit on the laden tree branches withered and fell to the ground, grey clouds scudded across the sky off and on, and a light coating of snow blanketed the ground. The birds and animals took what shelter they could, but luckily the spring began to arrive just as quickly as the winter weather had appeared. All in all, it took a week for the world to settle and rebalance itself. The dead sands of the Fold did not return, but the land began to resemble that of Ravka instead of maintaining the disturbing perfection it once had.

Alina walked amid the garden with its bare rose beds, and as she did so, she watched a flock of birds taking flight in the distance. The birds circled in the air, performing their aerial acrobatics, and she tried to muster a smile at their antics. It was still difficult to find joy in anything, but she knew the emotion would return in time.

Life had resumed its normal pace. Ruling still occupied most of her time, but she was able to take a little extra space for herself every day. She spent that time in the garden, and everyone was perceptive enough to leave her alone as she did so. Aleksander and Genya likely had something to do with that, she thought.

She knew at some point the other shoe would drop if the future went as Marena had warned it would, and she had no doubt the witch was right. The current peace and stillness would be shattered by war. Blood and death would once again surround them, and Alina and Aleksander would be put to the test.

But for now, she needed the time to heal. She knew there would be a time when she would smile again, just as she knew there would be children in her future. There were always children who needed a home. She herself had grown up in an orphanage. When it was time, she would adopt someone who needed her, and she would love them and Aleksander would as well. 

It was that thought which comforted her in the night—that and Aleksander’s arms wrapped tightly around her. In those moments it felt as if the choice she had made was the only correct one. At other times she was less sure.

As if she had summoned him, she heard Aleksander’s soft step behind her, and he appeared beside her a moment later. They stood in silence for a while, looking out at the early-spring afternoon. The first rain shower had fallen that morning, and the leaves and grass still glistened with drops that pattered softly onto the ground.

"Nikolai is well? And Ravka, too?” she asked abruptly, knowing that she should have probably met with the Ravkan king’s emissary herself, but trusting that Aleksander would handle it just fine on his own.

He nodded. "All is well. Ravka will require some food stores to tide them over while the spring crops mature, but it will be an easy thing to supply them with what they need."

"Thank you," she said. Nikolai seemed to have earned Aleksander's grudging respect for his willingness to face the dead alongside them. When she had proposed that they help their former nation along for a few months, he hadn't put up that much of a fight. 

"Walk with me?" he asked, and she nodded. As they traversed the garden paths, a shaft of sunlight broke through the clouds and lit their way. Alina felt a welcome sense of peace and wonder fill her. This was her world, and it was a beautiful one. It wasn't perfection anymore, but maybe it didn't have to be. Maybe she could embrace it for what it was and for who she shared it with.

And if the birds who soared and wheeled above them could have said anything, they would have spoken of the way the pair took each other's hands and held one another tightly--one force united against the world and complete in each other. And if fate wouldn't allow their happiness to last forever, at least their love would last as long as they drew breath and even beyond that until the very stars stopped shining in the sky and the world retreated into darkness. Even then, they would still have each other, and they would endure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, lovely reader, for following me on the weird journey with this fic!! I had the idea of what it might mean for Alina to have used _merzost_ in A Kind of Paradise, but this fic took a lot of twists and turns I didn’t expect. If it seemed like I have set things up for a possible finale, that was the most surprising part of writing this. I thought I would have them happily ride off into the sunset at the end of this one, and instead there’s something darker looming on the horizon. Less magic with what's to come and much more sadness. I’ve only started sketching it out, but I'll start posting soon. Thank you again for your comments and kudos and general support of my fics. I can't tell you how much it means to me <3


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